UA-198543153-1 30 - New Years Bash - Planet Fitness / Nikki Beach - Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald

Episode 30

Episode 30: NEW YEARS BASH! Planet Fitness / Nikki Beach

The Queens are ready to watch that ball drop it like it's hot! In honor of New Years the Queens rate and review a 3 Star Yelp Review for Planet Fitness that is certain to offend, and a 1 dot TripAdvisor Review for the posh Nikki Beach Miami! Trey's gonna cook, Chelsey is gonna meditate and they discuss the joys of glitter and most shocking of all: online reviewers.

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(00:01) Birdie Offer! 

(05:40) Lodge a Complaint!

(06:00) RESOLUTIONS!

(11:11) Planet Fitness Review

(29:36) Exclusive Offer

(30:45) Meryl-Go-Round

(35:44) Nikki Beach Miami Review

(50:43) My Royal Highness


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@TheReviewQueens | @ChelseyBD | @TreyGerrald 


---

Review That Review is an independent podcast.  Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald.  Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

Transcript
VOICEOVER:

[Theme Song]

Chelsey Donn:

Hi.

Trey Gerrald:

Hello!

Chelsey Donn:

Oh God, you look so good.

Trey Gerrald:

Happy New Year!

Chelsey Donn:

Happy New Year Review That Review Queens.

Trey Gerrald:

Hey everyone.

Trey Gerrald:

Welcome to Review That Review.

Trey Gerrald:

We are the podcast dedicated to reviewing

Chelsey Donn:

Reviews!

Chelsey Donn:

We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we

Trey Gerrald:

[laughing]

Chelsey Donn:

Trey...you alright?

Trey Gerrald:

I'm trying to put these stupid glasses on these, um, happy New Year.

Trey Gerrald:

They're like paper.

Trey Gerrald:

I bought these New Years glasses thinking they were real, but they're paper.

Chelsey Donn:

They are indeed paper.

Chelsey Donn:

But you look amazing.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm wearing New Year's glasses for the Patreon anyway, that voice Chelsey Donn!

Chelsey Donn:

And that voice is Trey Gerrald

Trey Gerrald:

and together our voices form

VOICEOVER:

the review Queens.

Chelsey Donn:

And you are an RQtie if I might say so myself, Trey look so dapper you guys.

Chelsey Donn:

First of all, he's sporting a very dapper mustache The hair's perfect.

Chelsey Donn:

The glasses, even though they're paper are very chic.

Trey Gerrald:

And they have a crown on them,

Chelsey Donn:

They have...oh my God.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

I didn't even notice the crown.

Chelsey Donn:

They say happy New Year.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey has a bow tie on and a nice tux moment and a tensil boa?

Trey Gerrald:

This is actually a Hanukkah boa, but it's silver.

Trey Gerrald:

So

Chelsey Donn:

It very much works.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Love.

Trey Gerrald:

Anyway, how is your week goin, Chelsey?

Chelsey Donn:

My weekend's going great.

Chelsey Donn:

I'll just start by saying that.

Chelsey Donn:

So Trey was like, we should trust up.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause it's New Year, you know, our New Year's episode.

Chelsey Donn:

And I was like, oh yeah, I have this like perfect dress.

Chelsey Donn:

It's black.

Chelsey Donn:

And it has these gold dots on it, but I haven't worn it since pre COVID.

Chelsey Donn:

So it was a little worried that it was going to be tight and it's like loose.

Chelsey Donn:

So.

Trey Gerrald:

Mazeltov!

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I feel great.

Chelsey Donn:

So that's very exciting.

Chelsey Donn:

My week has been good.

Chelsey Donn:

I started going, I think I may maybe mentioned that I started going to acupuncture again,

Chelsey Donn:

He told me that I needed to sleep on my left side.

Chelsey Donn:

That's very, very important.

Chelsey Donn:

Apparently, are you a side sleeper?

Trey Gerrald:

I am a side sleeper.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Do you know if you sleep on your left or your right?

Trey Gerrald:

I switch.

Trey Gerrald:

I go back and forth.

Chelsey Donn:

Apparently it's unhealthy to sleep on the right side.

Chelsey Donn:

It's healthy to sleep on the left side and I've been switching and I really,

Chelsey Donn:

I feel better.

Chelsey Donn:

I wake up more awake.

Chelsey Donn:

I, my acid reflux, I have acid reflux.

Chelsey Donn:

Much better.

Chelsey Donn:

So I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm just going to keep doing it, even though it does disrupt my sleep a little bit.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause I'm not used to it.

Chelsey Donn:

You know, New Year, new side sleeper, left sider.

Chelsey Donn:

For me!

Trey Gerrald:

It's probably something with like the heart and whatever, you know, I

Trey Gerrald:

Yes.

Trey Gerrald:

Yes.

Trey Gerrald:

But it's like the most comfortable I've ever laid on my back and I can't get comfortable laying on

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

How's your week been otherwise?

Trey Gerrald:

Good.

Trey Gerrald:

I've been a little hesitant to share this, but I have recently been investigating

Trey Gerrald:

And so I downloaded an app called couch to three K or couch to 4k.

Trey Gerrald:

And I'm just, you know, I'm just in week two or I'm at the beginning of week three, it's

Trey Gerrald:

And I've already lost four pounds.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh my God.

Chelsey Donn:

Look at us just apparently losing weight or body mass or something.

Trey Gerrald:

But I can feel.

Trey Gerrald:

Like my knees, you know, it's like gives me the excuse to take a bath every night,

Trey Gerrald:

And of course it's like snowing.

Trey Gerrald:

So like I picked the worst season to become a runner running, but I'm so into it.

Trey Gerrald:

I love it.

Trey Gerrald:

And, um, I'm wondering if maybe.

Trey Gerrald:

Talking about weight.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah, that's a good segue into-

VOICEOVER:

Lodge.

VOICEOVER:

A Complaint.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey, I just feel like it's a New Year.

Chelsey Donn:

We got to bring in that positive energy.

Chelsey Donn:

So I'm thinking for this episode, let's not Lodge A Complaint though.

Chelsey Donn:

We know we both have tons to lodge, but for today in honor of New

Chelsey Donn:

Let's do it.

Chelsey Donn:

Let's do resolutions instead!

VOICEOVER:

Come on a make a change!

VOICEOVER:

You can change!

VOICEOVER:

You can change!

VOICEOVER:

Change it!

Trey Gerrald:

Yay.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, if anyone knows where that sound cue was from, uh, you're hilarious.

Trey Gerrald:

So my resolution, I, you know, I think that I would like to take on.

Trey Gerrald:

My resolve for 2022 is to cook more because it really has been something that

Trey Gerrald:

We've been a little more proactive as the months have been moving towards the end of the year.

Trey Gerrald:

You know, we're being more diligent about grocery shopping and it's just something

Trey Gerrald:

And so we do tend to like skirt around it often, but I'm really going to take on.

Trey Gerrald:

Making things in the kitchen, trying out recipes, exploring what that means and

Trey Gerrald:

I remember being younger at Thanksgiving dinners and it's like, what are you thankful for?

Trey Gerrald:

Be thankful for your health.

Trey Gerrald:

And it's like, yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

But then as you get older, you know, I really have a more profound understanding

Trey Gerrald:

And I think that also just cooking is more.

Trey Gerrald:

It's just taking care, taking care of financially, taking care of the family, being together,

Trey Gerrald:

I know you love cooking.

Trey Gerrald:

So I am declaring for 2022.

Trey Gerrald:

I am going to.

Trey Gerrald:

Cook more.

Chelsey Donn:

That's such a great resolution.

Chelsey Donn:

And I know that's a big deal for you.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey because we've had many conversations about this.

Chelsey Donn:

So I'm like, are you sure you don't want to maybe cooking, and this is a big step.

Chelsey Donn:

So

Trey Gerrald:

yeah, I grew up eating fast food for every.

Trey Gerrald:

That was like what my situation was growing up.

Trey Gerrald:

That's what I yearned for.

Trey Gerrald:

So I'm changing the habit.

Trey Gerrald:

Maybe I'll get an air fryer.

Chelsey Donn:

I can recommend one.

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, good.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Chelsey, what is your resolution?

Chelsey Donn:

Thank you for asking, Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

So I've really been trying to get.

Chelsey Donn:

More micro with my resolutions.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause I feel like in the past I've always done the typical resolutions

Chelsey Donn:

I'm going to do these things that feel very overwhelming.

Chelsey Donn:

And last year, my New Year's resolution, which I think I mentioned was to accept compliments, which

Chelsey Donn:

So this year I thought, what can I, what can I add to my life?

Chelsey Donn:

That doesn't feel too taxing, but that could help me.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

And I was thinking, I want to commit to meditate.

Chelsey Donn:

But just once a week to start, you know, just once a week can be a short guided meditation

Chelsey Donn:

So that's my New Year's resolution is to meditate once a week.

Chelsey Donn:

It feels not too daunting, which is what I look for in a New Year's resolution.

Trey Gerrald:

I think that's smart.

Trey Gerrald:

It's setting yourself up for success.

Trey Gerrald:

You know, the whole thing about a habit as however many hours, and you got to start small,

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm not trying to run a marathon.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm trying to like encourage running.

Chelsey Donn:

I really like the name of the app.

Chelsey Donn:

It just makes you feel good.

Chelsey Donn:

Like, oh yes.

Chelsey Donn:

I was on the couch.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, totally.

Chelsey Donn:

Now I'm going to ease my way.

Chelsey Donn:

We're all about easing our way into 2022.

Chelsey Donn:

Let's be honest.

Chelsey Donn:

We've been through a lot the past couple of years!

Trey Gerrald:

But I love this.

Trey Gerrald:

We can, maybe we can periodically check in, see if we need to support

Chelsey Donn:

I would love to be your accountability buddy!

Trey Gerrald:

Listeners too.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Awesome.

Chelsey Donn:

And also call and leave a voicemail.

Chelsey Donn:

Let us know your New Year's resolution.

Chelsey Donn:

And maybe we can remind you on the show or something to help keep you from.

Trey Gerrald:

Actually let's do that.

Trey Gerrald:

Please call and our voicemail box and leave us a voicemail, telling us what your resolution is.

Trey Gerrald:

Maybe it's something we can like focus on for the month of January.

Trey Gerrald:

Maybe even throughout the year.

Trey Gerrald:

You know, there's nothing more powerful than wanting to be better.

Chelsey Donn:

True.

Chelsey Donn:

So 1-850- REVIEW-zero.

Chelsey Donn:

Call us up.

Chelsey Donn:

I was going to say there might be one thing Trey that is more powerful than that.

Trey Gerrald:

Tell us what.

Chelsey Donn:

I think it's online reviews and the people who live them, ya know?

Trey Gerrald:

Girl!

Trey Gerrald:

You're a Professional, look at that.

Trey Gerrald:

Wendy Williams.

Trey Gerrald:

Wow.

Trey Gerrald:

I think that we should jump in because as you all know, Chelsey and

Trey Gerrald:

We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

Chelsey Donn:

We read the review, we break it down and rate the impact of the

Chelsey Donn:

It's a very Regal process that we call

VOICEOVER:

Assess That Kvetch.

Chelsey Donn:

And this week, Trey and I are each sharing reviews from the internet

Chelsey Donn:

Cause you guys know, we love a special edition episodes.

Chelsey Donn:

So this of course is our special edition and New Year's episode.

Chelsey Donn:

And your first, today, RQ T

Trey Gerrald:

New Year, New Me!.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes, take it away.

Chelsey Donn:

RQ

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So today I was really thinking when I think of the New Year, what are things I think of?

Trey Gerrald:

And I.

Trey Gerrald:

Do you think of times square, which we've thoroughly covered

Trey Gerrald:

So I was like, I don't want to do times square, but I want like, what do I think of when I

Trey Gerrald:

And I think of like all the funny hats that everyone wears and

Trey Gerrald:

Planet Fitness hats, because Planet Fitness, while having a sponsorship with the television

Trey Gerrald:

So today I have a three star review from Yelp written by Matthew Q.

Trey Gerrald:

For Planet Fitness.

Chelsey Donn:

Let's hear it.

Chelsey Donn:

Is that a Planet Fitness?

Chelsey Donn:

The one that like, it's like a dollar a month or something like, it's not a dollar,

Trey Gerrald:

It is interesting.

Trey Gerrald:

So Planet Fitness is like a nationwide gym that is traditionally anywhere

Trey Gerrald:

It was one of the first sort of very cheap costs.

Trey Gerrald:

Gyms.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm glad I know that.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

So here we go here as Matthew Q's, three star Yelp review for planet fitness.

Chelsey Donn:

Can't wait.

Trey Gerrald:

LOL, where to start.

Trey Gerrald:

When I first came here and went to the changing room for the first time I see is a swing day.

Trey Gerrald:

I thought this was a gay gym.

Trey Gerrald:

So I want downstairs and demanded a refund.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause damn this can't be an everyday thing, but they insisted this wasn't so we LOL at off.

Trey Gerrald:

So a month in, I notice I get looked at.

Trey Gerrald:

That's like the at symbol.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

A lot by these hungry looking females.

Trey Gerrald:

So I'm thinking, damn, I guess the girls in here, like working their arms because I'm always

Trey Gerrald:

See, the name planet fitness is only 50% accurate, but it's not a planet for.

Trey Gerrald:

It's a planet filled with some of the most thirstiest dehydrated Fox and a concentrated area.

Trey Gerrald:

The sexual frustration was real.

Trey Gerrald:

So I made the George Bush decision and almost getting with on of them

Trey Gerrald:

Perverted story short, I came to the conclusion that 70% of the girls in there got toxic pussys

Chelsey Donn:

Sorry.

Trey Gerrald:

They probably wash there Cuchies in the east river.

Chelsey Donn:

Stop it.

Trey Gerrald:

If I had stuck my Dick in there, it would have spontaneously combusted.

Trey Gerrald:

Also, if you want machines go there at midnight, way better.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, my friggin God.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Matthew is giving that other guy.

Chelsey Donn:

What was his name?

Trey Gerrald:

The Pillsbury guy?

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, the OkCupid guy, a real run for his money.

Trey Gerrald:

Isn't this crazy?!

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

This is so crazy for so many reasons.

Chelsey Donn:

Number one.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't understand some of the words in this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

am I just like, I mean, I just looked up thot, cause I was like, I feel like I've heard that one.

Chelsey Donn:

So that's a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships.

Chelsey Donn:

What is with like the attack on women and also like the.

Chelsey Donn:

Dick thing in the, in the dressing room, what what was he referencing?

Trey Gerrald:

So it does appear just off the bat.

Trey Gerrald:

Matthew did not do a spellcheck,

Chelsey Donn:

obviously.

Trey Gerrald:

Right?

Trey Gerrald:

So thot...

Trey Gerrald:

it's funny to me that you didn't know thot, but there's no judgment.

Trey Gerrald:

Thot..

Chelsey Donn:

Thank you.

Chelsey Donn:

I've heard it before.

Trey Gerrald:

Planet fitness is a no judgment zone.

Chelsey Donn:

Right?

Trey Gerrald:

That's their slogan.

Trey Gerrald:

Thot is an acronym and it stands for that ho over there, which can be any gender,

Trey Gerrald:

Non-binary people can be hose as well.

Chelsey Donn:

Well, that's, I mean, that's really my biggest complaint with this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

was like, why are we narrowing in on the women?

Chelsey Donn:

Why are we attacking the women here?

Chelsey Donn:

Like all of a sudden the women, are thots.

Chelsey Donn:

I know some thirsty guys at gyms too.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, it sounds like, it sounds like Matthew was thirsty.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, he carried through with at least one of these women that he is, you know,

Trey Gerrald:

well I don't know, because it says, I came to the conclusion

Trey Gerrald:

So is Matthew, a mathematician, like how did they get the average of 70% also, they sort of

Trey Gerrald:

- Chelsey Donn: that's what I was asking.

Trey Gerrald:

What, like, what were they saying they saw?

Trey Gerrald:

It says the first thing I see is a swing deck, I think they left out the ING

Chelsey Donn:

Oh like a swinging dick?

Trey Gerrald:

That's what I think.

Chelsey Donn:

Like somebody has their d, their dick out in the, in the locker,

Trey Gerrald:

in the locker room, which they call a changing room.

Trey Gerrald:

And then they immediately went downstairs because they thought this was a gay them.

Trey Gerrald:

They can't go to a gay gym.

Chelsey Donn:

I feel grossed out.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

And then there's just a lot of misspell every time there.

Trey Gerrald:

The word I is here, unless it's at the beginning of a sentence, it's lowercase.

Chelsey Donn:

Spelling was terrible.

Trey Gerrald:

They use the at symbol twice.

Chelsey Donn:

Doesn't bother me as much.

Chelsey Donn:

Like it is colloquial, but we all know what it means at least.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

That's an interesting point.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah, I don't, yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

It's not scholarly.

Chelsey Donn:

Review!

Chelsey Donn:

Queenie, but it's not like a demerit,

Trey Gerrald:

You know, also it says, like I made the George Bush decision and almost getting with.

Trey Gerrald:

I on, but I think they mean one getting with one of them and still,

Chelsey Donn:

Wait, Almost getting with One?

Trey Gerrald:

and almost getting with one of them until the, the cloths, but it should

Chelsey Donn:

Okay,

Trey Gerrald:

so.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, so, okay, so, so what we're claiming Matthew, which again, doesn't,

Chelsey Donn:

They took their clothes off and then he was like, get outta here.

Chelsey Donn:

You thot!

Trey Gerrald:

I guess?

Trey Gerrald:

I'm also recognizing here that twice Matthew Q speaks in percentage.

Trey Gerrald:

Saying that planet fitness is only 50% accurate, accurate.

Trey Gerrald:

And then the conclusion that 70% of the girls got toxic pussies spelled P U S S Y S.

Trey Gerrald:

Is that how you would spell pussies?

Trey Gerrald:

Wouldn't it be?

Trey Gerrald:

I E S?

Chelsey Donn:

Oh plural of pus...

Trey Gerrald:

But how do you spell Turkeys?

Trey Gerrald:

Because isn't YS, turkeys?

Chelsey Donn:

God, I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't usually say turkeys.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause kitties, you would say kitties is IES

Chelsey Donn:

Would be IES.

Trey Gerrald:

Puppies, IES.

Trey Gerrald:

So would pussies?

Chelsey Donn:

It's probably...[laughing]...IES I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

This conversation is making me very uncomfortable.

Trey Gerrald:

It's very interesting to me that you can say Dick so many

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, I guess those are not, they're vulgar, but they're not cuss words, but like, like to

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, you obviously heard my multiple gasps.

Chelsey Donn:

I even interrupted a little bit, which I apologize for, but I just, I couldn't hold back.

Chelsey Donn:

And here's where I'm struggling with, with Matthew Q here, even, even to give them anything.

Chelsey Donn:

Do we find any value in Matthew's Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is there anything in here that you're like, okay, good to know.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, they say that if you want machines go there at midnight, it's way better.

Trey Gerrald:

It's the last statement.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, okay.

Trey Gerrald:

The only point is that it's crowded.

Trey Gerrald:

So go at a late time.

Trey Gerrald:

Also I'm thinking maybe like the locker rooms, aren't very private because you can see.

Chelsey Donn:

I just think this is so gross.

Chelsey Donn:

I hate when, I mean, I didn't want any, well, you, if this was re reverse gender and there

Chelsey Donn:

So obviously this hits closer to home, but.

Chelsey Donn:

Peeved for sure.

Chelsey Donn:

And think it's inappropriate and crazy and Ooh, I'm so grossed out.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm going to try to like go through some of the notes that I made.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, LOLed it off?

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

I laughed out loud it off.

Trey Gerrald:

So does that mean, does that mean that the people at the front desk were homophobic as well?

Trey Gerrald:

Because they were laughing out loud with them?.

Chelsey Donn:

Why are we we're mixing, we're mixing phrases here.

Chelsey Donn:

Let's just say laughed at all.

Chelsey Donn:

Why is it laughed out loud at all?

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, good catch.

Chelsey Donn:

Why?

Chelsey Donn:

W you know, we, even if it was like, we LOLed, that's I guess.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

There's something about the LOLed it off that I'm like, all right.

Trey Gerrald:

This Review!

Trey Gerrald:

was written seven years ago and it has not been taken down.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, really?

Chelsey Donn:

Interesting.

Chelsey Donn:

That is crazy.

Chelsey Donn:

You think like someone would have read it and reported it.

Trey Gerrald:

There's tons of replies really on other reviews.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

So they, you know, they saw it.

Chelsey Donn:

Why wouldn't they report this?

Chelsey Donn:

There it's very easy to report this Review!.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I almost want to go on and report it myself because there is a

Chelsey Donn:

There, there is a category for inappropriate language.

Trey Gerrald:

And why is this three-stars?!

Chelsey Donn:

That was exactly the point I was just about to make, what,

Chelsey Donn:

Which, at first, before I found out the truth about Matthew Q not leaning into the queue for any

Chelsey Donn:

I thought, all right, I'm interested.

Chelsey Donn:

I like a three star review.

Chelsey Donn:

We've talked about this before.

Chelsey Donn:

It's sort of middle of the road.

Chelsey Donn:

When I read a three star review, I expect to have some positives thrown into the Review!

Chelsey Donn:

little negative sprinkled in there, but you know, a little enough to make it feel

Chelsey Donn:

Something bad happened at this place that I really liked, you know, even if it.

Chelsey Donn:

The swinging Dick, which I think again, homophobic, but like, still eww

Chelsey Donn:

If you're a so offended by 50%.

Chelsey Donn:

Of planet fitness and you don't even want to look at any of the women that are

Chelsey Donn:

Why are you giving this three stars?

Chelsey Donn:

It sounds like you hate 50% of it.

Trey Gerrald:

Well, I was thinking maybe it's three stars, because this is the only

Trey Gerrald:

Also, I didn't think the idea of seeing a swinging Dick was homophobic.

Trey Gerrald:

I thought the idea of, I thought this was a gay gym.

Trey Gerrald:

So I went downstairs and demanded a refund because damn this can't be an everyday thing.

Trey Gerrald:

That was the homophobic.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

I agree.

Chelsey Donn:

But that whole section, like where I was like, I thought it was a dildo.

Chelsey Donn:

I didn't know what.

Chelsey Donn:

They were talking, he was talking about, but I did think that he was alluding to

Trey Gerrald:

It's interesting.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm trying to take myself back to seven years ago.

Trey Gerrald:

Like we're we culturally in a place where it's like cool to say that.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause I would have believed that unless you're an extremist religious

Trey Gerrald:

Um, a lot of women are friends with gay people.

Trey Gerrald:

So you can't like hate gay people.

Trey Gerrald:

Like your women are not going to think that's cool.

Trey Gerrald:

Like thankfully gay people have that going for them.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't think Matthew has any level of self-awareness

Trey Gerrald:

clearly!

Trey Gerrald:

Who leaves this review?!

Chelsey Donn:

This review Is completely lacking.

Chelsey Donn:

Self-awareness I don't even think it's a time thing.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't want to give any excuses, obviously.

Chelsey Donn:

I can never really expect that people are going to see the world the way you and I see the world.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't think seven years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years is an excuse for this kind of bigotry.

Chelsey Donn:

And not only for this kind of bigotry, but this.

Chelsey Donn:

Public declaration of your bigotry as if this is okay.

Chelsey Donn:

It's not okay, Matthew, I'm not pleased.

Chelsey Donn:

I hope that in the seven years, since you've written the survey view, there

Chelsey Donn:

But the Mathew that opted to write this, Review!

Chelsey Donn:

not only is extremely inappropriate, extremely hurtful.

Chelsey Donn:

And just gross an irksome.

Chelsey Donn:

You are clogging up the planet fitness yelp!

Trey Gerrald:

In that context, it really is so weird.

Trey Gerrald:

Like I wonder if Matthew Q would be ashamed of this today.

Trey Gerrald:

It is like, it's such a portrait of, of a person's viewpoint in life that is so unflattering.

Trey Gerrald:

Even if you don't like gay people, if it, if you have an issue with that.

Trey Gerrald:

But I think we all can understand.

Trey Gerrald:

You can't speak about women like this, especially if you were wanting to have

Chelsey Donn:

I'm disappointed.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm disappointed!

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

We've said this spelling grammar is awful.

Trey Gerrald:

We don't really find much value.

Trey Gerrald:

Maybe the last sentence.

Chelsey Donn:

No

Trey Gerrald:

truthful / shady?

Chelsey Donn:

Not funny.

Trey Gerrald:

It's hilariously not funny.

Chelsey Donn:

No.

Trey Gerrald:

So what do we think?

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, we don't even think that Matthew's being truthful here because they're saying.

Trey Gerrald:

They've reached this conclusion after almost getting with someone and then

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Trey Gerrald:

but like, how did you reach that mathematical conclusion?

Chelsey Donn:

Correct.

Chelsey Donn:

Don't trust him.

Chelsey Donn:

No.

Trey Gerrald:

So Like I think I could crown this.

Chelsey Donn:

I I'm going to struggle to crown it because I, you know, but I will crown Matthew.

Trey Gerrald:

I do want to tell before we do one person has found this useful in the seven

Trey Gerrald:

And one person has marked it as cool.

Chelsey Donn:

The only, sorry I'm flustered.

Chelsey Donn:

The only thing that is a little reassuring about that is that it has been there for so long.

Chelsey Donn:

And I guess only that amount of the populus.

Chelsey Donn:

You know, is in some agreement with Matthew, which, makes me hope that the majority

Trey Gerrald:

literally.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Let's crown Matthew.

Trey Gerrald:

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Are you ready?

Chelsey Donn:

I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

Total Score!

Trey Gerrald:

I really thought you might do zero.

Trey Gerrald:

I thought we were going to have a Show-First!.

Chelsey Donn:

Exactly.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I really want to, we're both holding up a half round.

Chelsey Donn:

I really wanted to do zero.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't have a zero crowns card.

Chelsey Donn:

I, after reading Matthew's Review!

Chelsey Donn:

I think maybe I need to make one.

Chelsey Donn:

Quite frankly, I Trey is putting back on his New Year glasses.

Chelsey Donn:

I think there's no value here.

Chelsey Donn:

The only reason why I was even able to muster half of a crown for Matthew

Chelsey Donn:

I guess eye roll, with the coming after midnight to be able to utilize the machines.

Chelsey Donn:

I guess you can say there's a tip there.

Chelsey Donn:

I really, really, really wanted to give Matthew zero crowns.

Chelsey Donn:

And if I was his grandmother, I would give him a spanking for.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, not in a good way, not in like a sexual way.

Trey Gerrald:

No, a bad one.

Chelsey Donn:

A bad spanking.

Chelsey Donn:

Anyway, Trey, why did you give Matthew half of a crown?

Trey Gerrald:

I did half of a crown because of that final sentence.

Trey Gerrald:

I do think that as a gay person, there is an inherent sexual energy at a gym.

Trey Gerrald:

And so if I was a straight man, I was reading mass then like maybe there would

Trey Gerrald:

I don't find Matthew Q to be trustworthy either.

Trey Gerrald:

So I just said half a crown, because if I was similar to Matthew and morals and ethics, then

Trey Gerrald:

But it has nothing to do with planet fitness.

Trey Gerrald:

That's nothing, there's no value.

Trey Gerrald:

Like it's just, the spelling is atrocious.

Trey Gerrald:

So for that reason, I did half a crown.

Chelsey Donn:

It needs to go if we had like a Review!

Chelsey Donn:

Queens equivalent to like Razzie is for worst Review!

Chelsey Donn:

ever, I think this would be a nominee for me.

Trey Gerrald:

I think he would be a nominee.

Trey Gerrald:

But I do think ultimately I wouldn't want to honor Matthew any more than

Chelsey Donn:

That's true.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

Well, let's take a quick break.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause clearly I need a breather and when we come back, we can get into my Review!

Chelsey Donn:

BRB.

VOICEOVER:

Hold Your crown we'll be right back.

Trey Gerrald:

Chelsey and I are so excited to share this exclusive Review

Trey Gerrald:

Now from the makers of BarkBox super chewer as a monthly subscription-based service

Trey Gerrald:

Toys every month, you and your pop will receive a box right to your front door.

Trey Gerrald:

That is loaded with two tough toys, two meaty chews, and two full-sized bags of treats that are

Trey Gerrald:

Super chewer is offering listeners of Review!.

Trey Gerrald:

One extra month free when you use our link.

Trey Gerrald:

Super chewer.com/queen.

Trey Gerrald:

Sign up right now at superchewer.com/queen.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

It's game time.

Trey Gerrald:

Chelsey let's take quick little spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

VOICEOVER:

'I don't feel like an icon.

VOICEOVER:

Most of the days, I feel like 'I can't!' That's with an,.

VOICEOVER:

A'..

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

Here's the deal.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger.

Chelsey Donn:

And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll take turns, reciting the

Trey Gerrald:

Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all!

Chelsey Donn:

Before the clock runs out.

Trey Gerrald:

All right, Chelsey, my dear.

Trey Gerrald:

What is your zinger for this New Years bash?

Chelsey Donn:

I'm so glad that you asked.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't actually was just thinking about it.

Chelsey Donn:

I should've looked this up before the show.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm not sure if Meryl's in this movie, because I think that Meryl is in a few of

Trey Gerrald:

With like 900 actors in it.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

You know how they always make all those movies?

Chelsey Donn:

That just seems like, I dunno.

Chelsey Donn:

CAA was like trying to get everybody their health insurance or something like that.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I think that this is one of those.

Chelsey Donn:

This is a one-star Google review from Noelle F for the movie, New Year's Eve: puke on a stick.

Chelsey Donn:

You owe me so much beer.

Chelsey Donn:

Puke on a stick.

Chelsey Donn:

I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

I just thought that was so funny.

Trey Gerrald:

Have you ever seen New Year's Eve?

Chelsey Donn:

No, have you?

Trey Gerrald:

No.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

Are you ready?

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, I'm going to confirm nor deny.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm going to strap you into, I got to say at the New Year's Eve ball,

Chelsey Donn:

that's what I was going to strap you into, but I'll find something else.

Trey Gerrald:

No, we can both be on it.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

We'll see who gets there first to the bottom.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

Sounds good.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

3, 2, 1, Go!

VOICEOVER:

Televangelists.

VOICEOVER:

You always tell us man, breaking news.

VOICEOVER:

You kinda sick.

VOICEOVER:

You owe me so much beer,

VOICEOVER:

teen drama.

VOICEOVER:

You want me so much

VOICEOVER:

beer melodrama?

VOICEOVER:

You

VOICEOVER:

don't film.

VOICEOVER:

You stick

VOICEOVER:

so much beer.

VOICEOVER:

3, 2, 1.

Trey Gerrald:

Very good queen.

Trey Gerrald:

You got six.

Chelsey Donn:

Yay!

Chelsey Donn:

Okay Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

Where's your finzingerger from this week?

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

This week, my One-Star-Zinger is from party city.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

A favorite of yours.

Trey Gerrald:

That is a new favorite, especially for zingers.

Trey Gerrald:

This is a New Year's Eve tinsil party hat.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

It is $6.

Trey Gerrald:

And you know, unfortunately they don't tell you who the reviewer is.

Trey Gerrald:

This One-Star-Zinger subject is, do not waste money on this.

Trey Gerrald:

And the Review!

Trey Gerrald:

is very ugly sewed.

Trey Gerrald:

It did not look like the picture at all.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

What, isn't the correct grammar sewn?.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes it is.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

And it's interesting because the tensile hat itself is like see-through, but on

Trey Gerrald:

And then the rim is so it's like, it's like clear plastic that's filled with tensile.

Trey Gerrald:

So maybe that's why it's sewn.

Trey Gerrald:

So ugly regardless who cares?

Trey Gerrald:

Am I on the ball too?

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, I also was going to have you on the ball, but I was thinking I

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

With the cork, you're like popping.

Chelsey Donn:

You're gonna like, you're gonna fly around.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh, look at that.

Chelsey Donn:

And he has a champagne ready.

Chelsey Donn:

You're going to fly around the Meryl-Go-Round with the force of a pop cork.

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

So no pressure, but get ready to fly.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm going to really channel that.

Trey Gerrald:

So here we go.

Chelsey Donn:

Here we go.

VOICEOVER:

3, 2, 1.

VOICEOVER:

GO!

VOICEOVER:

Musical theater, very

VOICEOVER:

ugly sowed.

VOICEOVER:

It did not look like the picture at all.

VOICEOVER:

Film new are

VOICEOVER:

them really ugly.

VOICEOVER:

So I did not look like the picture at all.

VOICEOVER:

Soap opera

VOICEOVER:

at all.

VOICEOVER:

Lifetime

VOICEOVER:

horror.

VOICEOVER:

3, 2, 1.

VOICEOVER:

That's all!

Chelsey Donn:

Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

You're so funny.

Chelsey Donn:

You're so good at this game.

Chelsey Donn:

You got five.

Chelsey Donn:

My friend.

Chelsey Donn:

That was great.

Trey Gerrald:

So close, but no cigar cause you're the winner.

Chelsey Donn:

I guess the Ball wins this time.

Trey Gerrald:

Yup.

Trey Gerrald:

And the champion cork ends up in the trash, but you know what?

Trey Gerrald:

We've got a full year for me to get back on top

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

Trey Gerrald:

Ah, all right.

Trey Gerrald:

We are back for that rousing game break and it is now your turn Chelsey Donn,

Trey Gerrald:

from this week?

Chelsey Donn:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

So this review is written about the, I guess you call it like a club, like a

Trey Gerrald:

No!

Chelsey Donn:

It's like a club slash restaurant.

Chelsey Donn:

I feel like it had a really good reputation maybe.

Chelsey Donn:

Are we calling it the early aughts?

Chelsey Donn:

Is that what we say about early two thousands?

Chelsey Donn:

But like, I want to say like early two thousands, it was a very popular place to go.

Chelsey Donn:

They have a few locations.

Chelsey Donn:

One of them being Miami, which I want to say was maybe the first.

Chelsey Donn:

So this is a One, dot Review!

Chelsey Donn:

from TripAdvisor writtenby Kathleen T about Nikki Beach.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Chelsey Donn:

My fiance and I visited Miami Beach for New Year's weekend.

Chelsey Donn:

We dined in some of the finest restaurants over a four night vacation.

Chelsey Donn:

By far the worst service and poorly prepared food was at this place, which according to the reviews

Chelsey Donn:

The staff was exhausted from New Year's Eve the night before apparently having tossed

Chelsey Donn:

I get that.

Chelsey Donn:

Glad it was a smash, but they chose to be open on the first and the

Chelsey Donn:

If they were not up to it both physically or mentally, they should've closed for the holiday.

Chelsey Donn:

We waited to be seated.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes.

Chelsey Donn:

We had reservations for several weeks, actually for 20 minutes with no one even looking at us.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes, we were groomed and dressed very appropriately.

Chelsey Donn:

Finally at our seat, we watched two servers about to lose their minds over the mistakes

Chelsey Donn:

The drinks took a bit, but were weak, the food, which by then we decided to just get a couple of

Chelsey Donn:

When the $51 bill showed up, we were just happy to have this very disappointing experience over with.

Chelsey Donn:

I wasn't even going to write a bad review because this company has over

Chelsey Donn:

And I'm sure they will not care less over one bad review, but I assure them and all who read

Chelsey Donn:

Wow.

Chelsey Donn:

Kathleen,

Chelsey Donn:

Kathleen T had a bad experience out of the interest of true transparency.

Chelsey Donn:

I think there were two times where the word lose was written and both

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, so an extra Oh.

Chelsey Donn:

Extra oh.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So I have a couple of thoughts here because.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

Timeframe.

Trey Gerrald:

Is Kathleen saying they waited 20 minutes to be seated and then they waited

Chelsey Donn:

Yes!

Chelsey Donn:

Did you find that suspicious?

Trey Gerrald:

No, I'm just thinking, like, I think that waiting 20 minutes for your

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, waiting always makes people upset, but waiting 20 minutes.

Trey Gerrald:

So order alcohol, I think is crazy.

Chelsey Donn:

I agreed, especially after having just waited 20 minutes.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause now you figure we're 40 minutes past the reservation and we haven't

Trey Gerrald:

I also love that Kathleen multiple times twice for sure.

Trey Gerrald:

Says.

Trey Gerrald:

Yes, we did reservations.

Trey Gerrald:

Yes, we were.

Trey Gerrald:

Well-groomed it's like, don't try to question me, Review Queens.

Chelsey Donn:

I actually really, really liked that because as I was reading

Chelsey Donn:

And then it was like, yeah, we did like, you know, I didn't think about the dress thing, but

Trey Gerrald:

it was funny to me.

Trey Gerrald:

Like, it's assuming that you're going to be negated.

Trey Gerrald:

Which is like an interesting point of view of the world.

Chelsey Donn:

I think that it it's a little bit is a little bit to do with like the

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, this review was written in 16, so that was, you know, five years ago.

Chelsey Donn:

So I think it was still pretty popular at that point.

Chelsey Donn:

And I think it's like the person that wants to go to Nikki Beach, might

Chelsey Donn:

Like, well, maybe you weren't the right clientele.

Chelsey Donn:

Maybe you didn't make a reservation.

Chelsey Donn:

You know?

Chelsey Donn:

So I think that Kathleen T is writing this Review!

Chelsey Donn:

to that individual

Trey Gerrald:

That comes across too in the way Kathleen says, like this

Trey Gerrald:

And like, obviously, like they probably won't care about my one grievance.

Trey Gerrald:

So it's also funny to me.

Trey Gerrald:

That Kathleen mentions like the glossy advertisements.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

What does that mean?

Trey Gerrald:

Like it it's glossy and like how fun it looks or like glossy and like magazines or

Chelsey Donn:

I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

I sort of wondered about that too.

Chelsey Donn:

Like, are we using glossy and this sentence literally like a glossy, like you said, like flier

Chelsey Donn:

Glowing, almost like glowing reviews.

Chelsey Donn:

I wasn't sure.

Chelsey Donn:

Or glowing advertisements.

Chelsey Donn:

You know what I mean?

Trey Gerrald:

Oh, interesting.

Trey Gerrald:

There's no way to deduce.

Trey Gerrald:

For me.

Trey Gerrald:

I

Chelsey Donn:

guess if I was going to define glossy, I would think somewhere

Trey Gerrald:

It just makes me think of.

Trey Gerrald:

Lip gloss.

Trey Gerrald:

And then I also love that.

Trey Gerrald:

They're like, okay, we need to cut our losses.

Trey Gerrald:

This has just been so horrible.

Trey Gerrald:

So horrible.

Trey Gerrald:

Let's just get appetizers,

Chelsey Donn:

Let's just get appetizers and get outta here.

Trey Gerrald:

But then I did think is Nikki Beach also like a club that serves dinner?.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, it's like a, it's like a club restaurant,

Trey Gerrald:

Right.

Trey Gerrald:

Because I would think that the fastest appetizers are going to be similar to a gas station.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause it's probably going to be popcorn chicken or calamari or like onion rings, basket.

Trey Gerrald:

Like it's all that stuff that like is quick,

Chelsey Donn:

right?

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

What did you think about that as like a dig?

Trey Gerrald:

I think that it's a smart tactic for Kathleen to take.

Trey Gerrald:

If, if Kathleen anticipate it's not being taken seriously by the organization to allude that

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

It's definitely a dig!

Trey Gerrald:

But that's even more disappointing, but then I'm also

Trey Gerrald:

You have got, at least I'm assuming it's two people, maybe more, they've gotten

Trey Gerrald:

I'm like, that's pretty cheap!

Chelsey Donn:

I know.

Chelsey Donn:

I was just not to say the same thing.

Chelsey Donn:

Like at my bougie for thinking like, wait, you definitely, at least got one round of

Chelsey Donn:

So it had to have been more than one and you'll only be at $51.

Chelsey Donn:

That.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, that seems, that seems very low, especially considering I've never been

Trey Gerrald:

I would think $18 for like a signature cocktail.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

So with tax and everything, like, you know?

Trey Gerrald:

SO, okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So much of this experience, Kathleen, at least places the blame on the

Trey Gerrald:

And they've made the assumption that everyone's just tired, right?

Trey Gerrald:

I'm questioning the value here because maybe this is very valuable for that

Trey Gerrald:

Like don't go after New Year's or like, that just expect everyone to be

Trey Gerrald:

They're going to have a huge party the night before.

Trey Gerrald:

Servers and such, we'll probably be young and hot.

Chelsey Donn:

And even if they weren't working on New Year's Eve, but they're

Chelsey Donn:

So either way, we're not doing the creme de LA creme of service.

Chelsey Donn:

I agree.

Trey Gerrald:

That's the worst time to work.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

I do think it's a choice to be open on New Year's day.

Chelsey Donn:

I can understand the impetus to make a reservation at Nikki Beach on New Year's day.

Chelsey Donn:

Just because if it's open, maybe you're thinking let's keep the party going.

Chelsey Donn:

You know?

Chelsey Donn:

So I don't, I don't fall Kathleen T for making this reservation.

Chelsey Donn:

I think they obviously let us know that they were disappointed in the

Chelsey Donn:

There's nothing about the Review!

Chelsey Donn:

necessarily.

Chelsey Donn:

And Ty Nikki Beach, except for the gas station deg, which obviously would

Trey Gerrald:

But even this year, 2021 and 2022 New Year's Eve is Friday.

Trey Gerrald:

And New Year's day is Saturday.

Trey Gerrald:

Of course, this place is going to be open.

Trey Gerrald:

What does that dig about?

Trey Gerrald:

Like if you made the choice to be open, you made that choice.

Trey Gerrald:

Like it's a Saturday night.

Trey Gerrald:

Like, of course it's I don't know.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I guess the only response I'd have to that is

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I like every year I feel like I have amnesia and I forget how things

Chelsey Donn:

I don't know, maybe cause like on Christmas day, a lot of restaurants are closed.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm not sure, but I do imagine because we do take

Trey Gerrald:

You're going to have, and if you're in Miami, you're in tourist town!

Chelsey Donn:

You're not closing on New Year's day.

Trey Gerrald:

You think you would be catering to hung over people on New Year's

Trey Gerrald:

I don't know.

Trey Gerrald:

Do you think that Kathleen is being truthful?

Chelsey Donn:

I do.

Trey Gerrald:

I do too.

Trey Gerrald:

I think Kathleen has made a huge assumption that everyone's hung up.

Chelsey Donn:

But like, I think you can tell when someone's hung over.

Chelsey Donn:

So if we're making that assessment, I think it's probably at least half warranted.

Trey Gerrald:

Right?

Trey Gerrald:

Well, I was going to say, I would like Kathleen to have explicitly stated it was very clear that

Trey Gerrald:

Wasn't completely hung over, like, you know, whatever.

Trey Gerrald:

That's just my thought, but I mean then, then the commonality, I don't know, maybe, maybe, but.

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah, it is hard.

Chelsey Donn:

It does feel very specific to this time of year, which has value to me because we've like

Chelsey Donn:

reader that will go and type in the specific thing that I'm looking for.

Chelsey Donn:

So if I was going to go to Nikki Beach in Miami for New Year's, I would go to TripAdvisor

Chelsey Donn:

Cause, Patreon.

Chelsey Donn:

I got S I got a story for you guys later about, uh, Miami new years.

Chelsey Donn:

I actually, two Miami new years experiences that I had that were equally insane.

Chelsey Donn:

So I would want to know if I was going to do Miami a third time.

Chelsey Donn:

Is this the place to do it because I've been burned before?

Chelsey Donn:

So I think I would take it into consideration at very least.

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, I think I can talk about the impact of my crowning.

Trey Gerrald:

Do you think there's anything else?

Chelsey Donn:

Spelling and grammar mostly good.

Chelsey Donn:

Except for those two changes that I made: loose, lose.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm confused.

Chelsey Donn:

How many pairs of New Year's glasses do you have, Trey?

Trey Gerrald:

I was telling Patreon, this was like a photo booth package that I thought would

Trey Gerrald:

So we've got two more to go through, You and I, Chels.

Chelsey Donn:

That's hilarious.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause you guys, I didn't even notice until like, this is the fourth pair that you're

Trey Gerrald:

Yeah I've worn three other ones.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

So let's uh, let's crown it.

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating.

Trey Gerrald:

You ready?

Chelsey Donn:

Yes!

VOICEOVER:

Total Score!

Trey Gerrald:

Oh dear.

Trey Gerrald:

I said one and a half.

Chelsey Donn:

I'll interesting trays holding up one and a half.

Chelsey Donn:

I'm holding up three crowns.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey, tell us why are you holding up one and a half crowns?

Trey Gerrald:

I just said one and a half crowns because it's so

Trey Gerrald:

And I, I am feeling conflicted because we're going off of the fact that the whole establishment was

Trey Gerrald:

So then they came over with the drinks and then took a long time and then they

Trey Gerrald:

I don't have enough evidence that that's true.

Trey Gerrald:

That's what Kathleen has presented.

Trey Gerrald:

So therefore going along with that, it's not funny, you know, maybe two little

Trey Gerrald:

I think maybe Kathleen is truthful.

Trey Gerrald:

Like I think whatever.

Trey Gerrald:

I also thought that like, there's not that much value here to me other than it's not

Trey Gerrald:

So I said one and a half because ultimately the people that work there might be

Trey Gerrald:

So like, if that's maybe valuable to me, but other than that, I don't think there's much value here.

Trey Gerrald:

So that's why I said one and a half.

Trey Gerrald:

Why did you say three?

Chelsey Donn:

I said three, because I did find value here.

Chelsey Donn:

I, like I said, I'm the type of reviewer that's going to search the word.

Chelsey Donn:

Beyond that.

Chelsey Donn:

Like things that I like knowing and reviews before I go to restaurants, especially like,

Chelsey Donn:

Like, is this the type of place where I'm going to have to wait?

Chelsey Donn:

Even though I have a reservation, I don't know if that's only the case because it's near as day.

Chelsey Donn:

I kind of feel like it's not.

Chelsey Donn:

Cause I think a place like Nikki Beach.

Chelsey Donn:

Like we said kind of a tourist shop, so it's going to be crowded most of the time.

Chelsey Donn:

So I thought that was good information to know like, alright, prepare myself.

Chelsey Donn:

I might be waiting 20 minutes to get in.

Chelsey Donn:

I might be, you know, waiting a while to be served.

Chelsey Donn:

I better make sure I don't show up like hangry.

Chelsey Donn:

And like I needed a drink yesterday if I'm going to go to Nikki Beach.

Chelsey Donn:

So I did find.

Chelsey Donn:

Valuable and spelling was mostly good.

Chelsey Donn:

I believe that Kathleen T's experience was authentic to what they really experienced.

Chelsey Donn:

So for that reason, I awarded Kathleen T three, three crowns.

Chelsey Donn:

I did it.

Trey Gerrald:

Love it.

Trey Gerrald:

Good job.

Trey Gerrald:

Very fun.

Trey Gerrald:

Now I want to go to Miami.

Trey Gerrald:

I can't wait to hear your story and the after-show podcasts, but in the meantime,

Trey Gerrald:

I am so curious.

Trey Gerrald:

I would love for you to tell me, who are you inducting this week for

VOICEOVER:

My Royal Highness

Chelsey Donn:

I had this planned and I'm going to still do it, even though one of

Chelsey Donn:

I'm going to make for My Royal Highness, this New Year's people who write online reviews.

Chelsey Donn:

Right?

Chelsey Donn:

We got to give it up for the people that write online reviews.

Chelsey Donn:

We wouldn't have a show if people

Chelsey Donn:

- Trey Gerrald: This is so META!

Chelsey Donn:

Right.

Chelsey Donn:

But if people were not brave enough to at least step forward and give us their

Chelsey Donn:

You're doing it for free.

Chelsey Donn:

Obviously we've, we've had a few Review!

Chelsey Donn:

Queens on the show.

Chelsey Donn:

We've given many people high ratings in terms of their reviews, which means that constantly

Chelsey Donn:

And I just think.

Chelsey Donn:

It's overdue.

Chelsey Donn:

Try.

Chelsey Donn:

We have to induct the online Review!

Chelsey Donn:

writers as our Royal Highness.

Chelsey Donn:

Don't you think

Trey Gerrald:

it's so smart and such a great induction.

Trey Gerrald:

There is power in sharing truth.

Trey Gerrald:

Yes.

Trey Gerrald:

And there's fun.

Trey Gerrald:

And, and reading shared shadiness.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, it's all the things about the show that we love.

Chelsey Donn:

Exactly.

Chelsey Donn:

All right.

Chelsey Donn:

Trey.

Chelsey Donn:

Who are you inducting on this New Year's Eve as your Royal Highness?

Trey Gerrald:

Well, today I was thinking, what do I love about New Year's New Year's bashes.

Trey Gerrald:

And I am going to induct confetti.

Trey Gerrald:

I love confetti and glitter.

Trey Gerrald:

I just think that it's so fun.

Trey Gerrald:

I love it.

Trey Gerrald:

Any activity where people are in high spirits, where they will kiss and show affection and love.

Trey Gerrald:

And the possibility I feel like new years is so ripe with I'm going to like achieve it all.

Trey Gerrald:

And that's a beautiful energy.

Trey Gerrald:

And I think that that is encapsulated in confetti glitter.

Trey Gerrald:

It's just like we are unabashedly throwing and celebrating and smiling and looking

Trey Gerrald:

And open-hearted all of those things.

Trey Gerrald:

That's how glitter is to me.

Trey Gerrald:

Confetti.

Trey Gerrald:

And so for that reason, I am inducting confetti for My Royal Highness.

Chelsey Donn:

I love that.

Chelsey Donn:

I love that moment on like reality shows, whatever it is when the person wins.

Chelsey Donn:

And then they like set off that confetti bomb and all of a sudden the person is like,

Chelsey Donn:

And there's all that confetti falling.

Chelsey Donn:

It's like a very satisfying thing to watch.

Trey Gerrald:

Wait.

Trey Gerrald:

Did I Lodge a complaints about confetti at Broadway shows?

Chelsey Donn:

I don't think so.

Trey Gerrald:

Was that a dress rehearsal?

Chelsey Donn:

I don't remember you doing that.

Trey Gerrald:

Okay.

Trey Gerrald:

I'm going to circle back to that.

Trey Gerrald:

Cause I do have a complaint about confetti in musicals, but

Chelsey Donn:

I also have a complaint about glitter, but I think we're going to allow-

Trey Gerrald:

...because you have to clean it up?

Chelsey Donn:

Well, they say it's the herpes of arts and crafts,

Trey Gerrald:

right.

Trey Gerrald:

It never right.

Trey Gerrald:

You can't biodegrade, but now people make biodegradable glitter.

Chelsey Donn:

Oh no, I wasn't thinking for the biodegradable reason, I was thinking,

Trey Gerrald:

it's there forever.

Trey Gerrald:

I mean, I'm still finding stars from our photo shoot, which was June.

Chelsey Donn:

But great induction confetti deserves it.

Chelsey Donn:

I mean, I there's something that happens adrenaline wise, right?

Chelsey Donn:

When that confetti bomb goes off, it's like, if you're not excited, if you're an

Chelsey Donn:

And after something really exciting happens, I think biologically something's not right.

Trey Gerrald:

It's like the same feeling of a rollercoaster.

Trey Gerrald:

It's just like, Wooo!

Chelsey Donn:

Yeah.

Chelsey Donn:

It's like a natural like adrenaline, like, oh my God.

Chelsey Donn:

You know, it's like being in a perfect snow storm.

Chelsey Donn:

That's controlled

Trey Gerrald:

and not cold.

Chelsey Donn:

Exactly.

Trey Gerrald:

All right.

Trey Gerrald:

My queen, well, with that said happy new year.

Trey Gerrald:

That is another round on the RU, a RQ Ferris wheel, New Year's bath,

Chelsey Donn:

new years bash.

Chelsey Donn:

I love that.

Chelsey Donn:

Thank you for joining us today.

Chelsey Donn:

If you like, what you heard will you do as a special New Year's favor and tell

Chelsey Donn:

Tell all the people.

Trey Gerrald:

And if you didn't like what you heard telling enemy, we would love

Chelsey Donn:

And don't forget, we want to hear from you, call in, tell us your New Year's

Chelsey Donn:

If you forgot the number it's 1-850-REVIEW-0.

Chelsey Donn:

You can also follow us on all of the socials at @theReviewQueens I'm

Trey Gerrald:

And I, am @TreyGerrald, I've just put on the seventh pair of glasses just under

Trey Gerrald:

When you join our patreon at www.patreon.com/ReviewThatReview.

Chelsey Donn:

And remember, ignore the haters this year.

Chelsey Donn:

And every year you are a Queen!

Trey Gerrald:

Gender non-specific new Year's bash queen.

Chelsey Donn:

Yes!

Chelsey Donn:

Love it.

Chelsey Donn:

Bye.

Trey Gerrald:

Bye everyone.

Trey Gerrald:

Happy new years!

Chelsey Donn:

Happy New Year!

Chelsey Donn:

10, 9, 8...

Chelsey Donn:

Review That Review!

Chelsey Donn:

is an independent podcast, certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty!

Chelsey Donn:

Executive pProduced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn, with editing

Chelsey Donn:

With voiceover talents,by Eva Kaminsky.

Chelsey Donn:

Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe

Chelsey Donn:

Happy New Year!

Trey Gerrald:

Wooo!

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
A comedy podcast dedicated to reviewing pedestrian online reviews!

About your hosts

Profile picture for Trey Gerrald

Trey Gerrald

Actor | Writer | Human-Person
Review Queen 👑
Profile picture for Chelsey Donn

Chelsey Donn

Actress | Comedian | Writer
Review Queen 👑