Episode 35
Episode 35: Wireless Key Tracker / Manic Panic Hair Bleach
The Queens tackle both ends of the Star Spectrum this week with a 5 Star Amazon Review for a Wireless Key Tracker and a 1 Star Amazon Review for Manic Panic Hair Bleach! Trey bit himself, Chelsey wants you to call her back, is masking tape animal abuse and how far down the PS, PPS, PPPS train can one actually go?
Oy Lisa RETURNS!
(02:57) Lodge a Complaint!
(07:01) Wireless Key Tracker Review
(25:59) Exclusive Offer
(27:13) Meryl-Go-Round
(32:15) Manic Panic Hair Bleach Review
(43:19) My Royal Highness
(47:38) On Today's After Show Pod
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---
Review That Review is an independent podcast. Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald. Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
Transcript
[Theme Song]
Chelsey Donn:Hello
Trey Gerrald:Well, hello, Welcome to Review That Review!
Trey Gerrald:The podcast dedicated to reviewing
Chelsey Donn:reviews.
Chelsey Donn:We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic, masterpieces, we
Trey Gerrald:that's Chelsey Donn,
Chelsey Donn:And that's Trey Gerrald.
Trey Gerrald:and together we are.
VOICEOVER:The Review Queens!
Trey Gerrald:And if you want to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content,
Trey Gerrald:How's your week going?
Chelsey Donn:my week is going, I was a little bit under the weather.
Chelsey Donn:I'm just coming out of that.
Chelsey Donn:So that's an exciting new chapter, hopefully.
Chelsey Donn:How was your week?
Trey Gerrald:You know, I'm having a good week.
Trey Gerrald:I love, February and a Groundhog's day and all of that such, uh, also my dad's birthday is next.
Trey Gerrald:Yes, it was, uh, it was, uh, it was an interesting musical.
Trey Gerrald:Actually.
Trey Gerrald:I actually, David and I enjoyed Groundhog's day the musical, but a
Chelsey Donn:I actually asked my mom a couple of weeks ago, like, what's your favorite movie?
Chelsey Donn:And she said, groundhogs Day.
Trey Gerrald:Well, you can imagine in the musical, there's like a sequence where he like
Trey Gerrald:So that was like a very cool theatrical to see that onstage live over.
Trey Gerrald:And like back to back, it was like a magic show, but my week is good.
Trey Gerrald:My dad's birthday is
Chelsey Donn:the, I love the walking into the puddle part.
Chelsey Donn:Sorry.
Chelsey Donn:I love the puddle part.
Trey Gerrald:I don't know if that's in the musical.
Trey Gerrald:I've never seen the movie.
Chelsey Donn:You've never seen the movie.
Chelsey Donn:Get the hell out of here.
Chelsey Donn:You're getting
Trey Gerrald:no Bill Murray?
Chelsey Donn:Yep.
Chelsey Donn:Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell.
Chelsey Donn:That guy that's in Schitt's Creek.
Chelsey Donn:Rolling.
Chelsey Donn:Shit's
Trey Gerrald:Oh,
Chelsey Donn:rolling.
Trey Gerrald:what's that guy's
Chelsey Donn:his name.
Trey Gerrald:Use my strong.
Trey Gerrald:And do you know what that was?
Chelsey Donn:What wait.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, you, I don't know.
Chelsey Donn:Is that mean a scary movie?
Trey Gerrald:It might be the second.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Scary movie tale when he has like the little, yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Anyway, it's like Groundhog's day here at Review That Review because once again, another
Chelsey Donn:We are going to.
VOICEOVER:Lodge A Complaint!
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:So this week I am going to lodge a complaint against something that I'm currently at this
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:I'm going to lodge a complaint against biting the inside of your mouth
Trey Gerrald:Yup.
Trey Gerrald:It's like, not even the lab, it's like the bottom of the lip.
Trey Gerrald:And so I feel like it's causing me to speak in a funny, different way.
Trey Gerrald:Cause I'm trying to not rub against it.
Trey Gerrald:I'm calling that into attention in case anyone is like, what's going on with trey's lisp today.
Trey Gerrald:But I really want to lodge a complaint against accidentally biting the inside of your mouth.
Trey Gerrald:And it's embarrassing, but it's usually what I'm really enjoying,
Chelsey Donn:no.
Trey Gerrald:Oh God.
Trey Gerrald:Anyway, it's very humiliating.
Trey Gerrald:It's very painful.
Trey Gerrald:Um, and then you have to suffer for a few days after assets recovering.
Trey Gerrald:And it's a constant reminder and people are like, are you, are you talking weird?
Trey Gerrald:And it's like, oh yeah.
Trey Gerrald:Because like, I bit myself, I'm a
Chelsey Donn:then, and then if you like bite it again, like you like reactivate the wound,
Trey Gerrald:Have you ever done that?
Chelsey Donn:Yes, I have.
Chelsey Donn:Course of course I have, I do have a little bit of a Trek that could
Chelsey Donn:I like, I mean, and I'm almost like nervous to say it on the podcast because I'm like,
Chelsey Donn:So that there's none left for me.
Chelsey Donn:But like I swear by a hydrogen peroxide mouthwash, like it is a game changer.
Chelsey Donn:And like, if you just rinse with that for a few days, couple times a day, it will heal
Chelsey Donn:So
Trey Gerrald:going to try that because that is what hydrogen peroxide was originally used as
Trey Gerrald:Cause it's so like chemical-y but all right.
Trey Gerrald:That's a good, I'm going to write that down.
Chelsey Donn:yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Write it down, write it down.
Chelsey Donn:Don't forget.
Trey Gerrald:So that's my complaint.
Trey Gerrald:Moving on
Trey Gerrald:Chelsey.
Trey Gerrald:What do you want to complain about?
Chelsey Donn:I can't remember if I complained about this in a rehearsal
Chelsey Donn:It still sounds.
Chelsey Donn:So I'm going to complain again with the whole idea of repetition hold music.
Chelsey Donn:I can't, I just can't do it.
Chelsey Donn:I want to know who's responsible for this.
Chelsey Donn:And I want to know why we haven't changed it.
Chelsey Donn:I actually appreciate when I call somewhere and they're like, the
Chelsey Donn:Do you want us to call you back in two hours?
Chelsey Donn:I actually liked that because I'm like, yeah, call me back.
Chelsey Donn:Because if you want me to arrive at a customer service person as my
Chelsey Donn:If I'm listening to.
Chelsey Donn:Repeat of some, like, I don't know, Beethoven Sonata, or just like a message.
Chelsey Donn:That's just like, thank you for calling.
Chelsey Donn:Some of them will be with you shortly.
Chelsey Donn:We really appreciate your patience as you hold.
Chelsey Donn:And then when you've heard that same exact message, like a hundred times,
Trey Gerrald:I agree there, the cyclical ness of the recordings, when that becomes transparent.
Trey Gerrald:That is excrutiatingly maddening.
Chelsey Donn:That's some form of hell, which is why the callback, we should just
Trey Gerrald:I wonder who invented that?
Trey Gerrald:That's such a genius.
Trey Gerrald:That should be a, My Royal Highness.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, true.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, always going to exercise that option, you know,
Trey Gerrald:Agreed.
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:Well, that was fun.
Trey Gerrald:So should we take all of this and jump into some online reviews?
Trey Gerrald:Chels
Chelsey Donn:Please as you know, we are your trustee Review!
Chelsey Donn:Queens.
Chelsey Donn:We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
Trey Gerrald:we read you the Review!.
Trey Gerrald:We break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns.
Trey Gerrald:It is a very Regal process that.
VOICEOVER:Assess that kvetch
Trey Gerrald:And Chelsey girl, your first today,
Chelsey Donn:I am.
Trey Gerrald:woop, take it away.
Trey Gerrald:RQ.
VOICEOVER:Review That Review.
Chelsey Donn:All right.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:So first off the bat, you guys, I just want to say that this is going to be a long one.
Chelsey Donn:So go ahead and buckle into whatever it is that you're sitting on, because Um, this Review!
Chelsey Donn:is an Amazon review for a product with one of the titles that infuriates me.
Chelsey Donn:So let's, let's, uh, get started.
Chelsey Donn:It is Key Finder, Esky 80 D B R F item locator with 131 feet working range wireless
VOICEOVER:Supercalifragilistic XB.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, yes.
Chelsey Donn:Yes, it is.
Chelsey Donn:It is one of those like, fob things that you put on your keys or whatever it is that
Chelsey Donn:It'll like ding for you or whatever.
Trey Gerrald:Got it.
Chelsey Donn:and that's what it is.
Chelsey Donn:So this Review!
Chelsey Donn:is actually a five star review.
Chelsey Donn:This is written by LisaInSeattle.
Chelsey Donn:It is a five star review verified purchase.
Trey Gerrald:that's the username, Lisa in
Trey Gerrald:Seattle.
Chelsey Donn:is the username.
Chelsey Donn:I feel a lot of Lisas on this show for some reason, Do we?
Chelsey Donn:"Oy Lisa."
Trey Gerrald:Hi, Lisa.
Trey Gerrald:Right.
Chelsey Donn:I, I leased that.
Chelsey Donn:Right.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:So the title of this Review!
Chelsey Donn:is tortoise adventures.
Chelsey Donn:And then in parentheses, it says with poetry,
Trey Gerrald:What?,
Chelsey Donn:Get ready.
Chelsey Donn:There once was a tortoise, her friends call her Clyde.
Chelsey Donn:She likes to go wandering and then likes to hide.
Trey Gerrald:No.
Chelsey Donn:A remote little corner.
Chelsey Donn:A tortoise-size nook,
Chelsey Donn:maybe under the dresser or nestled with books.
Chelsey Donn:The darker, the better, a good place to snooze,
Chelsey Donn:all quiet and comfy is where she will choose.
Chelsey Donn:It's all well and good till it's time to come home.
Chelsey Donn:You think I could find her, but this time, heck no.
Chelsey Donn:Will she come when called?
Chelsey Donn:She's a tortoise, so no.
Chelsey Donn:Will she make any noise?
Chelsey Donn:She never has.
Chelsey Donn:It's the boys that tend to make noise and then under very special circumstances.
Chelsey Donn:Will she snooze for, well she's snooze for the better part of three or four days or more
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:So given the above, after a couple of cursory searches, did I then crawl around on my hands
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:Twice?!
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:The second time did I break out my professional grade knee pads?
Chelsey Donn:Because nobody over the age of 12 should be crawling around on hardwood floors.
Chelsey Donn:AKA, I'm too old for this crap.
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:Did I spend a restless night dreaming of turtle, gobbling house coyotes, and turtle size holes
Chelsey Donn:Yet she owes me big for that.
Chelsey Donn:The next morning, did I begin to methodically tear up my house?
Chelsey Donn:Moving every piece of furniture that she could conceivably hide behind looking in
Chelsey Donn:Why?
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:Yes I did.
Chelsey Donn:And thanks for asking.
Chelsey Donn:Did I drag out the vacuum cleaner because OMG, it's astonishing.
Chelsey Donn:How much dust accumulates under there?
Trey Gerrald:No.
Chelsey Donn:Sigh.
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:Halfway through.
Chelsey Donn:Did I enlist the assistance of a highly amused friend?
Chelsey Donn:Yes, highly amused.
Chelsey Donn:And did we find the errand tortoise five minutes later in the very next closet?
Chelsey Donn:Of course we did the same closet that I had looked in three times already, at least three times.
Chelsey Donn:Do I have any clue how she got in there?
Chelsey Donn:Because I don't remember that particular door being open at any point the day before.
Chelsey Donn:Nope.
Chelsey Donn:Still no idea.
Chelsey Donn:Do I absolutely love this product?
Chelsey Donn:Seriously?
Chelsey Donn:At this point, do you have to ask?
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:I highly recommend this product.
Chelsey Donn:Especially for anyone with a small house, roaming, tortoise.
PS:right...
PS:the actual Review!
PS:I like this product because it's small and light enough not to bother the tortoise.
PS:You can replace the battery.
PS:And there are four fobs in case she gets another friend or three.
PS:Her current friend has exactly two hiding places.
PS:And I know them both.
PS:I also liked that.
PS:Base oriented and not app oriented apps can get updated past the phones OS.
PS:Get deprecated or otherwise just go away.
PS:EG the company gets bought and tanked by a competitor.
PS:This thing worked day one and will work after the zombie apocalypse takes out the internets.
P P S:kiddies don't use anything permanent to attach no glue or
P P S:Your tortoise can definitely feel it, her shells a lot like your fingernail and
P P S:I use low adhesive masking tape, then stuck it to my sweatshirt once or twice for good measure.
P P S:Worked like a champ.
P P S:P P P S.
P P S:Her name is P P P P S.
P P S:Her name isn't really Clyde, but I'm claiming poetic license.
P P S:I am an Amazon reviewer, not the poet Laureate.
P P S:Oh man.
P P S:Yeah.
P P S:Yeah.
P P S:Trey.
P P S:I've never seen you speechless before.
Trey Gerrald:I am so repulsed.
Chelsey Donn:like she took all the words.
Chelsey Donn:You have none.
Chelsey Donn:Talk to me.
Trey Gerrald:First of all,
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Trey Gerrald:I actually really liked the name Clyde, especially for a female.
Trey Gerrald:I think that's like very cute.
Chelsey Donn:But LisaInSeattle was lying to us the whole time.
Trey Gerrald:What do you think its real name as like Michelle.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, God, there's so many weird things about this.
Chelsey Donn:Review!
Chelsey Donn:that's just like One, but take us in.
Trey Gerrald:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:So first of all, I can't even get over the fact that you would put a GPS tracker on a live animal.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, by the way, there's a photo of the tortoise with the tracker attached to it,
Chelsey Donn:And that's like the first that's the photo before the Pelham at, before the, I don't
Trey Gerrald:there are companies that make dog and cat callers
Chelsey Donn:Right?
Chelsey Donn:Sure.
Trey Gerrald:thing built on the collar that feels more humane than like using masking tape.
Trey Gerrald:Also question for spelling question though, the M P P S.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:Is it kitties or kiddies like kids.
Trey Gerrald:K I D D I E S
Chelsey Donn:Dee Dee Dee Dee,
Trey Gerrald:oh, I was so confused.
Trey Gerrald:I was like, why would you put sticky stuff on a cat?
Trey Gerrald:I thought we were talking about a tortoise
Chelsey Donn:No.
Chelsey Donn:Like she was like, at that point she was being, I was like teacher moment, like kids thinking
Chelsey Donn:Don't do this.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:you know, Lisa from Seattle,
Chelsey Donn:in Seattle, LisaInSeattle
Trey Gerrald:what I say.
Chelsey Donn:from
Trey Gerrald:Oh, wait, is it I N or just a capital N
Chelsey Donn:I N.
Trey Gerrald:oh, I actually have that written down.
Trey Gerrald:I don't know why I said from a, because I I'm thinking of sleepless in Seattle, but
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:I don't think that I need to ever know when I'm reading or review for a key fob GPS tracker,
Chelsey Donn:oh my God.
Chelsey Donn:Try.
Chelsey Donn:Like, that's just like one of the many things we learned in this Review!
Chelsey Donn:that are completely unnecessary.
Chelsey Donn:I mean, literally isolate PS and then Chuck, the rest
Trey Gerrald:That was going to be
Chelsey Donn:kill your darlings.
Chelsey Donn:LisaInSeattle.
Chelsey Donn:Ain't nobody got time for them.
Trey Gerrald:I mean, that really occurred to me.
Trey Gerrald:Like if you have to say quote, P S the actual Review!
Trey Gerrald:you're doing, you're reviewing wrong.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah, you're doing much,
Trey Gerrald:raw.
Trey Gerrald:It's too much.
Trey Gerrald:This is wrong.
Chelsey Donn:it's too much.
Chelsey Donn:It had potential to be funny.
Chelsey Donn:Like when I first read it, I was like, if we would've just done the like rhyme joke and
Chelsey Donn:it might've been like, oh, good for you, LisaInSeattle for trying to be creative.
Chelsey Donn:But because we went on and on.
Trey Gerrald:yeah, no, I agree.
Trey Gerrald:I think like they really lost the humor by going on too long.
Chelsey Donn:Too long what's with the rhetorical questions.
Trey Gerrald:So many also, I love that Lisa talks about the search for, for Clyde, who
Chelsey Donn:Oh, my God.
Chelsey Donn:So cursory.
Chelsey Donn:I know, but like you understand this is a five-star review.
Chelsey Donn:I don't usually bring these in, but when I saw this, I was just like, oh my God, how could I
Trey Gerrald:No, this is a great selection, you know, I will say, I think that so much
Trey Gerrald:And just to turn off because they think they're being more clever than they are.
Trey Gerrald:It's total cringe.
Chelsey Donn:so cringe the whole time and especially cause they kept
Chelsey Donn:And you're like, no, LisaInSeattle.
Chelsey Donn:I don't.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah
Trey Gerrald:But LisaInSeattle does in their first PS at the end, they
Trey Gerrald:I've never considered the value of a base versus an app that could eventually be
Trey Gerrald:I've never considered that.
Chelsey Donn:also like, you know, even the generation above us, it's like, then
Chelsey Donn:This is easy.
Chelsey Donn:That's why it's a shame.
Chelsey Donn:Cause it's like there there's a kernel of truth.
Chelsey Donn:Once we get to the review of it all.
Trey Gerrald:But I think you really lose your audience if you're not providing what the
Chelsey Donn:And also like how far down the PS trained?
Chelsey Donn:We feel like one can go, like, I don't think I've ever written a P P PS.
Chelsey Donn:I feel like if you're there again, edit
Trey Gerrald:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:It feels like a note you would write, like in school to your
Chelsey Donn:like, yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Like it's very odd how old we think that Lisa is.
Trey Gerrald:That's an interesting question because that, I don't know.
Trey Gerrald:I kind of thought they were probably in their forties, but, but I also don't
Chelsey Donn:well, they do say like I'm too old for this crap,
Trey Gerrald:oh, you're right.
Chelsey Donn:they think of themselves as old.
Trey Gerrald:Yeah, I don't, I don't understand the intention of writing a poem.
Chelsey Donn:I just think this is someone who God has a lot of time on their hands.
Chelsey Donn:Maybe took a funny photo, texted it to their friend, Diane in Phoenix.
Chelsey Donn:And like Diane and Phoenix was like, oh my God, Lisa and Seattle, that's
Chelsey Donn:You should write a review about it.
Trey Gerrald:I feel like Lisa and Seattle tortoise is like their personality trait.
Trey Gerrald:I think they lead with that for.
Trey Gerrald:I don't think LisaInSeattle spends a lot of time looking in the eyes of the person that
Trey Gerrald:The value here, I think comes in the PS, but I'm annoyed that it's in the PS.
Trey Gerrald:I do think that I think LisaInSeattle is being truthful.
Trey Gerrald:Because I appreciate the salient points they make about the base versus the app.
Trey Gerrald:And that they, you know, we're able to actually like find their little one and
Trey Gerrald:I can't even tell it's like, what, who else is buying this for a pet?
Trey Gerrald:Like what you be buying this for your key chain or to put in your
Chelsey Donn:Well, what's interesting about that is like 2,249 people have marked this helpful.
Chelsey Donn:So this is the first Review!
Chelsey Donn:that you come across.
Chelsey Donn:If you go to this page and it's my hypothesis, that this is really just a
Chelsey Donn:that was selling the product saw in their own reviews that the top Review!
Chelsey Donn:is this tortoise story.
Chelsey Donn:They added Petfinder to the title.
Chelsey Donn:Just the hypothesis.
Trey Gerrald:Oh, was that in the supercalifragilistic
Chelsey Donn:It was, it was like towards the app, like it was like,
Chelsey Donn:Like if, if I could see that as a consumer of this product, I'm sure whoever's running this page.
Chelsey Donn:Looking at the backend knows that their top Review!
Chelsey Donn:is tortoise adventures with poetry, by Lisa, in Seattle and with a picture of
Chelsey Donn:And it has so many likes that it's probably like dragging up their ranking.
Chelsey Donn:So if you can't beat them, join them.
Chelsey Donn:And then they just added to the title.
Trey Gerrald:I mean,
Chelsey Donn:No,
Trey Gerrald:I, I am ready to crown this, but I want to ask you, cause we didn't
Chelsey Donn:I just think it's so funny.
Chelsey Donn:Cause you're like so annoyed by LisaInSeattle that you're like, I'm done.
Chelsey Donn:I don't want to talk about her anymore.
Chelsey Donn:Right now.
Chelsey Donn:I know
Trey Gerrald:What is the spelling and grammar?
Chelsey Donn:spelling and grammar is excellent.
Chelsey Donn:All very good.
Chelsey Donn:It looks like a very long essay.
Trey Gerrald:I get that.
Chelsey Donn:Like it's written, it's broken into paragraphs and stuff.
Trey Gerrald:Do you know how many paragraphs there are?
Chelsey Donn:Well, the, the, the poem is four stanzas.
Chelsey Donn:And then after the bomb, we have 16 paragraphs.
Trey Gerrald:That's 28 paragraphs in total, LisaInSeattle.
Trey Gerrald:I'm ready to crown you let's do it.
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:So Chelsey and I have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to
Chelsey Donn:Oy Lisa.
VOICEOVER:The Queens are Tabulating.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, interesting.
Chelsey Donn:Trey is holding up two and a half crowds for LisaInSeattle.
Chelsey Donn:We thought he was like, really not into, and I'm holding up one crown Trey.
Chelsey Donn:Why two and a half crowns for Lisa and yeah.
Trey Gerrald:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:I have to just put aside that I don't think that Lisa's humor as my humor
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Trey Gerrald:I can't negate the fact that Lisa did actually really sell the product to me
Trey Gerrald:Or it being like bad.
Trey Gerrald:It actually like is really great.
Trey Gerrald:I am not sure if like, this is animal abuse to like put this tracker on a torch,
Trey Gerrald:Very inappropriate.
Trey Gerrald:I don't know anything about tortoises, but I don't know.
Trey Gerrald:I just, I said two and a half because there is some valuable information.
Trey Gerrald:I appreciate Lisa, you know, not taking life too seriously and wanting to be clever and cute.
Trey Gerrald:But if you have a 20 paragraph Review!
Trey Gerrald:girl, you need to edit.
Trey Gerrald:You need to like, like you said, trim the fat, kill your darlings.
Trey Gerrald:Come on.
Trey Gerrald:Who do you think wants to sit and read?
Trey Gerrald:Uh, 20 paragraph.
Trey Gerrald:Anything if they're not reading reader's digest.
Trey Gerrald:So for that reason, I said two and a half.
Trey Gerrald:Oy, Lisa.
Trey Gerrald:All right, Chelsey, why did you say one crown?
Chelsey Donn:I was going to say, first of all, Oy LisaInSeattle, you know what I mean?
Chelsey Donn:I can't.
Chelsey Donn:I have to give Lisa and Seattle one crown, mostly because.
Chelsey Donn:I just don't think that they get their message across, right.
Chelsey Donn:Like if I feel like I need to go on a scavenger hunt within your review to find the Review!
Chelsey Donn:you've, you've lost me.
Chelsey Donn:And if you've lost me, then you're not adding value to the information
Chelsey Donn:I think I would feel.
Chelsey Donn:I'm going to skip this because I want to find a shorter Review!
Chelsey Donn:that's going to actually give me the nuts and bolts.
Chelsey Donn:You know what I mean?
Chelsey Donn:So I think it's going to end up getting glossed over because it's way, way, way too heavy.
Chelsey Donn:And because it, therefore is not useful as a product review, one crown for Lisa and yeah.
Trey Gerrald:Word
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:All right.
Chelsey Donn:That was a lot to chew on.
Chelsey Donn:So let's take a quick break.
Chelsey Donn:And when we come back, we can get into RQ T's Review!, which is we promise is a lot.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:BRB.
VOICEOVER:Hold your Crown!
VOICEOVER:We'll be right back.
Chelsey Donn:Wow.
Chelsey Donn:Meryl's crazy
Trey Gerrald:One-Star-Zinger time.
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:It's time to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.
VOICEOVER:'I don't feel like an icon.
VOICEOVER:Most of the days, I feel like
Chelsey Donn:All right, Trey and I have each picked a rotten scathing, pithy One-Star-Zinger.
Chelsey Donn:And with 30 seconds on the clock, we'll each try to recite the zinger
Trey Gerrald:Just like queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.
Chelsey Donn:Before the clock runs out.
Chelsey Donn:Right?
Chelsey Donn:Try.
Chelsey Donn:Where is your One-Star-Zinger from today?
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:So it's an Amazon day and I am going second with reviews, but you will start to notice a theme
Trey Gerrald:And I have a on theme review for the after-show podcast as well.
Trey Gerrald:So here we go.
Trey Gerrald:My zinger today is written by.
Trey Gerrald:Kindle Customer.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:And this, uh, is for Clorox concentrated, regular bleach
Trey Gerrald:And Kindle Customer.
Trey Gerrald:Wait, Kendall Customers a funny drag name.
Chelsey Donn:Kendall customer.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:the subject is leaked and the Review!
Trey Gerrald:as package was wet.
Trey Gerrald:Bleach shouldn't leak.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:Well, I can't, I mean, I agree, I guess, with Kendall.
Chelsey Donn:All right.
Chelsey Donn:Try today.
Chelsey Donn:You are stopped into, um, like one of those pink Himalayan, salt lamps.
Chelsey Donn:Very Zen.
Trey Gerrald:Great.
Trey Gerrald:I'm going to be warm and Himalayan and as usual, always salty
Chelsey Donn:All right.
Chelsey Donn:You ready?
Trey Gerrald:I'm ready.
Trey Gerrald:Let's do it.
Chelsey Donn:Well, we know .That.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:Let's do it.
VOICEOVER:Three, Two, One, GO!.
Trey Gerrald:Package was wet.
Trey Gerrald:Bleach.
Trey Gerrald:Shouldn't leave.
Chelsey Donn:adult film,
Trey Gerrald:Ah, package was why like my pussy bleeds shouldn't leak.
Trey Gerrald:I believe short package was web lead.
Trey Gerrald:Shouldn't lay
Chelsey Donn:TLC reality show.
Trey Gerrald:Packers, wet blade shouldn't lake
Chelsey Donn:Magic show
Trey Gerrald:package was a wet bleach.
Chelsey Donn:dirty, read on the pornstar
Trey Gerrald:came out.
Trey Gerrald:All right, Chelsey, what is your One-Star-Zinger for today?
Chelsey Donn:Good question.
Chelsey Donn:Thanks for asking.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:So my One-Star-Zinger, I was, you know, watching a lot of movies, cause
Chelsey Donn:And I watched this movie that is like a Diane Keaton B last, which is my favorite new genre.
Chelsey Donn:I've decided the movie Poms, have you seen.
Trey Gerrald:No.
Chelsey Donn:It's about like, like retired women that live in a like fully
Chelsey Donn:And they all have to be members of different clubs and Diane Keaton moves in and she
Chelsey Donn:So she like starts this elderly cheerleading squad.
Chelsey Donn:And it's actually like, in my opinion, quite.
Chelsey Donn:Endearing.
Chelsey Donn:And then I went to rotten tomatoes and saw OJ.
Chelsey Donn:It has a real low score.
Chelsey Donn:And obviously Johnny O of the New York post does not agree with my enjoyment of this movie
Chelsey Donn:So that was Johnny O's.
Chelsey Donn:I felt that was a real zinger, you know?
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:Well, in that case, Chelsey, I'm going to strap you into a Palm tree leaf
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:I might up there with my POM poms.
Trey Gerrald:I hope so you're conducting all the traffic from all the boaters.
Chelsey Donn:Whoo.
Chelsey Donn:This way, this way.
Trey Gerrald:Alright.
Trey Gerrald:Are you ready?
Chelsey Donn:I'm ready.
VOICEOVER:Three, Two, One, GO!.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah,
Trey Gerrald:show
Chelsey Donn:palms is an embarrassment.
Trey Gerrald:courtroom drama.
Chelsey Donn:Palms is an embarrassment.
Trey Gerrald:televangelist
Chelsey Donn:Poems has an embarrassment.
Trey Gerrald:Hora.
Chelsey Donn:do
Trey Gerrald:That was six.
Trey Gerrald:Steva you?
Trey Gerrald:Wait, we tied.
Chelsey Donn:Yay.
Trey Gerrald:Woo.
Trey Gerrald:Woo.
Trey Gerrald:Woo.
VOICEOVER:Review That Review.
Chelsey Donn:All right.
Chelsey Donn:We are back from that rousing game break.
Chelsey Donn:And it is your turn.
Chelsey Donn:Trey.
Chelsey Donn:Where is your Review!
Chelsey Donn:from this week?
Trey Gerrald:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:So today I also have a review from Amazon.
Trey Gerrald:This is written by Angie R.
Trey Gerrald:And this is a one star review for manic panic, flash lightning hair, bleach kit, 30 volume.
Trey Gerrald:And I can not read Angie R's subject because it gives it away.
Trey Gerrald:But I'll tell you, after I read the Review!.
Chelsey Donn:Perfect.
Chelsey Donn:And I have a quick question before.
Chelsey Donn:So is the bleach like Bleacher hair, like white or is it a specific color?
Trey Gerrald:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:It's like, um, it's white bleach.
Trey Gerrald:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:hear it.
Trey Gerrald:All right.
Trey Gerrald:Here is the Review!
Trey Gerrald:Tish and Snooki.
Trey Gerrald:My wife recently purchased your product manic panic flashlighting over Amazon.
Trey Gerrald:With the quarantine situation.
Trey Gerrald:She has not been able to visit her hairdresser and get her hair dyed Her solution was to order your
Trey Gerrald:We received your product yesterday afternoon and she went to use it this morning.
Trey Gerrald:My wife has lots of experience using different hair dye products.
Trey Gerrald:So she knows what she is doing.
Trey Gerrald:After seeing the finished product.
Trey Gerrald:I think Tish and Snooki should be ashamed of themselves.
Trey Gerrald:And I would recommend no one buying this product.
Trey Gerrald:My wife looks like a female version of Joe Exotic.
Chelsey Donn:Oh, no.
Trey Gerrald:Every time she comes into the room, I expect her to be followed by lions and tigers.
Trey Gerrald:Now she is going to have to replace her whole wardrobe with 1980s leather jackets
Chelsey Donn:Oh, God,
Trey Gerrald:I usually don't leave product reviews, but with how bad this product
Trey Gerrald:I have to go now, Mrs.
Trey Gerrald:Exotic is calling my name.
Trey Gerrald:dot dot dot dot dot dot dot.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah,
Trey Gerrald:So the subject ais this product turned my wife into a female Joe Exotic.
Chelsey Donn:I figured,
Trey Gerrald:So I'm unsure if Angie R is the wife's account and this is written by a male,
Chelsey Donn:oh,
Trey Gerrald:Angie has a wife.
Trey Gerrald:I just want to say, I'm not sure what genders here, but, uh, all we know is
Chelsey Donn:Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Chelsey Donn:Either way.
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:Correct.
Chelsey Donn:Which is, which was kind of going to bring me to my first point, which is why does the wife
Chelsey Donn:To leave a review on their behalf.
Chelsey Donn:Like all of a sudden they dyed their hair and they also went back to a time when they needed
Chelsey Donn:Like, why is Angie R going to bat on behalf of the wife?
Trey Gerrald:Yeah, anytime I Review!
Trey Gerrald:is like second hand.
Trey Gerrald:It's like, it's always a little bit of a head-scratcher cause it's always like second
Chelsey Donn:I guess, but I just feel like, it sounds like they were
Chelsey Donn:I wonder.
Chelsey Donn:How the wife feels about the way that they look.
Chelsey Donn:Is it like that the wife is so disturbed by her new look or is it that the wife went
Chelsey Donn:Should we.
Chelsey Donn:Their partner,
Trey Gerrald:other.
Chelsey Donn:their significant other, their significant other was clearly repulsed by how they
Chelsey Donn:is like you made my wife look unattractive to me, which I feel like is off-putting
Trey Gerrald:I mean, that is a really interesting perspective within this Review!
Trey Gerrald:because we don't get what the actual user of the product thinks of this.
Trey Gerrald:And we are told that the wife has a lot of experience with hair dye.
Chelsey Donn:Exactly
Trey Gerrald:It really is like the, the significant other's opinion.
Trey Gerrald:I want to know what Mrs.
Trey Gerrald:Exotic, who's calling Angie at the end.
Trey Gerrald:I want to know what Mrs.
Trey Gerrald:Exotic things.
Chelsey Donn:I agree.
Trey Gerrald:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:Also, I don't know, maybe this is deducible, but it is written sort of in a letter form.
Trey Gerrald:So they're addressing Tish and Snooki and upon doing some research Tisch and Snooki
Chelsey Donn:Yes.
Chelsey Donn:I'm so glad you brought that up.
Chelsey Donn:Cause I had started that on my sheet and I forgot to ask.
Chelsey Donn:So like they're writing a letter on Amazon.
Chelsey Donn:Which probably is fulfilled by, I would guess a second hand source again, Trustpilot verse Amazon.
Chelsey Donn:Right.
Chelsey Donn:And you're addressing the creators of the product weird to
Trey Gerrald:Yeah, it is interesting to say like, my wife recently purchased
Trey Gerrald:You're writing that on him.
Chelsey Donn:right?
Chelsey Donn:Exactly.
Trey Gerrald:But who knows, maybe Angie R covered all their bases
Trey Gerrald:And also is just putting this on here because ultimately they say, we just want, I
Trey Gerrald:Also 897 people found this helpful.
Trey Gerrald:So what do you think of the humor here?
Trey Gerrald:Because I do think that Angie R is just being very trendy with Tiger King and,
Chelsey Donn:When was this written?
Trey Gerrald:March, 2020, so right when that documentary was very
Trey Gerrald:popular on Netflix,
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:I think that Angie really leaned in.
Chelsey Donn:So the tiger king in a way that, like, I don't know if, if this, if I was reading this in March,
Chelsey Donn:And it just feels like you're really leaning into it.
Chelsey Donn:And because like, truthfully, I just get that kind of like gross feeling in my stomach.
Chelsey Donn:That's like, why are you putting your wife on blast and saying, she looks like Ms.
Chelsey Donn:Exotic, and that she needs to change her whole wardrobe.
Chelsey Donn:Like, it just feels very mean.
Chelsey Donn:And I don't like it.
Trey Gerrald:That is, that's an interesting point of view on it.
Trey Gerrald:Didn't even occur to me that way, but I totally hear that.
Trey Gerrald:It's just it's.
Trey Gerrald:It is highlighting to me.
Trey Gerrald:That the joke hasn't aged well, because I think it's, I think the most clever joke is
Trey Gerrald:Like nearly two years later.
Trey Gerrald:That's insane to think about.
Chelsey Donn:I know
Trey Gerrald:But like once again, like the experience here is as common or a fluke.
Trey Gerrald:I mean, I don't know because it's the, it's the significant others, uh, opinion.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Trey Gerrald:Also, if you're getting flash white hair dye, you want it to be like extreme.
Trey Gerrald:That's not like
Chelsey Donn:well, that's why I'm like, I'm trying to think of like, is Joe,
Chelsey Donn:Like doesn't Joe exotic have bleached blonde hair.
Chelsey Donn:Like, again, I
Trey Gerrald:So look
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:But Joe exotic has like a mullet.
Chelsey Donn:So like, you know, It's a bleach blonde mullet.
Chelsey Donn:Like that's it looking at the color of his hair?
Chelsey Donn:That's why I asked when you first intro the product.
Chelsey Donn:I said, is this going to like bleach your hair to make it white?
Chelsey Donn:Or is this a color?
Chelsey Donn:Because also sometimes these kinds of products that are like Bleacher hair until they're
Chelsey Donn:Look, oftentimes it's like a do this and then add the pink on.
Chelsey Donn:Right.
Chelsey Donn:Bleach it down and then add the color.
Chelsey Donn:You know what I
Trey Gerrald:have to, you have to like erase all of the, uh, color that exists in
Trey Gerrald:Yeah,
Chelsey Donn:Right.
Chelsey Donn:So I think either if I was buying this product, it's because I want that bleach blonde hair
Chelsey Donn:So I don't see the value here.
Trey Gerrald:That's really like really standing out to me as well,
Trey Gerrald:It's kind of Angie Rs, one star Review!
Trey Gerrald:kind of as proving that it is an extreme
Chelsey Donn:Right.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:That's what it is.
Trey Gerrald:Right.
Trey Gerrald:Cause I also think that manic panic is that grungy sort of downtown New York, punk rock energy.
Trey Gerrald:But I just think that like, if I want extreme bleach, I would go with manic panic.
Trey Gerrald:I wouldn't go with L'Oreal.
Chelsey Donn:I agree.
Chelsey Donn:Totally.
Trey Gerrald:I mean, I think I could crown this.
Trey Gerrald:How are you
Chelsey Donn:I can crown.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah, I'm ready.
VOICEOVER:The Queens are Tabulating.
Chelsey Donn:Wow.
Chelsey Donn:Again, I am holding up one crown trays holding up three crowns.
Chelsey Donn:One crown very similar reason to the first Review!
Chelsey Donn:like I've gone through all this hoopla and I don't feel like I have a
Chelsey Donn:I don't have any kind of opinion that I trust.
Chelsey Donn:So that really pretty much goes into the trash bin.
Chelsey Donn:So that's why I gave it one crown.
Chelsey Donn:Why did you give Angie three?
Trey Gerrald:It's just interesting because I do think, like I just said
Trey Gerrald:They're trying to not prove.
Trey Gerrald:So there is some value here because it does make me think, okay, this
Trey Gerrald:If you want, believe bleach, use this product.
Trey Gerrald:I think that they really lose points for me because it's.
Trey Gerrald:It's a very like time-specific joke and it's sort of like unnecessary, like
Trey Gerrald:But then again, the subject did cause me to want to read it.
Trey Gerrald:So I said three, which is not exactly middle of the road.
Trey Gerrald:Cause we have half crowns, but like, I don't think it's, in my opinion, not a one and it's
Trey Gerrald:So that's why I said three.
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:Fair enough.
Chelsey Donn:I hear you.
Chelsey Donn:And I mean, it was a One, crown kind of diet.
Chelsey Donn:I don't ever think I've had an episode where I just was straight across the board.
Chelsey Donn:One crown.
Trey Gerrald:you're joining the dark side.
Chelsey Donn:I guess I am!
Chelsey Donn:Alright.
Chelsey Donn:My queen, we have reached the most Regal portion of our show.
Chelsey Donn:Who are you?
Chelsey Donn:Inducting Trey for?
VOICEOVER:My
VOICEOVER:Royal
VOICEOVER:Highness
Trey Gerrald:Today.
Trey Gerrald:I want to induct whoever working at apple came up with the idea that you
Trey Gerrald:Specifically, my husband and I have a shared note.
Trey Gerrald:Which is like an app on the iPhone that we can both update with the little bullet holes that
Trey Gerrald:really has changed the game.
Trey Gerrald:And we don't have to worry about texting or like, oh wait, I forgot to put bananas.
Trey Gerrald:Like I can just see it update automatically.
Trey Gerrald:And we can both look at our lists individually and address what needs
Trey Gerrald:It really is lovely and genius also, you know, sort of like a, a short form version of Google
Trey Gerrald:It really is amazing, especially as a shopping list.
Trey Gerrald:So for that reason, Today I have to induct the sharing of notes, possibility
Chelsey Donn:Love that possibility for you?
Trey Gerrald:What about you Chelsey?
Chelsey Donn:Who am I inducting today?
Chelsey Donn:Trey?
Chelsey Donn:Well, today I wanted to turn a kvetch into a Royal Highness is what I wanted to do.
Chelsey Donn:So I mentioned I was feeling a little bit under the weather.
Chelsey Donn:And so when that happens for me, I tend to pile up the laundry.
Chelsey Donn:And so when I finally did the laundry, it was like, just took everything out of me.
Chelsey Donn:And then I have the laundry in the laundry bags, and they're still
Chelsey Donn:And I'm just sort of looking at them with distain thinking.
Chelsey Donn:I have to fold that, you know, and it feels really like, ah, like such a mountain to climb.
Chelsey Donn:And then in the moment, when I was thinking about that, I thought to myself, Wow.
Chelsey Donn:talk about first world problems like the washing machine.
Chelsey Donn:Can we induct the washing machine as My Royal Highness?
Chelsey Donn:Because can you imagine if I needed to do like all this washing by hand or with a stone or with One,?
Chelsey Donn:Boards or in a Creek?
Chelsey Donn:I mean, my goodness, like I'm complaining cause I have to fold my clothes and I have one of
Chelsey Donn:Like I, I have all of the accoutrement, right.
Chelsey Donn:And I just don't even know what I would do if I didn't have a washing machine
Chelsey Donn:And for that reason, I would like to induct today, the washing machine as My Royal Highness.
Chelsey Donn:And I don't have any history for you, but.
Chelsey Donn:I love you.
Chelsey Donn:Thank you.
Chelsey Donn:Washing machine you're , My Royal Highness.
Trey Gerrald:I love that I made it so true.
Chelsey Donn:Yeah.
Chelsey Donn:Love turning a kvetch into a Royal Highness, you know?
Trey Gerrald:I definitely think that like most people can adapt to just continuing to wash
Trey Gerrald:But I do think that a washing machine is, is sort of like that's a, you have to.
Trey Gerrald:Well, we did it queen that is another round on the RU a RQ Ferris wheel
Chelsey Donn:Uh, yes.
Chelsey Donn:Thank you for joining us today.
Chelsey Donn:If you like, what you heard, please tell a friend really means a lot to us.
Chelsey Donn:If you do share it.
Trey Gerrald:If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy
Trey Gerrald:Join our mailing list to stay up to date with the goings on, in the queendom at ReviewThatReview.Com
Chelsey Donn:You can also hit up our voicemail box 1-850-REVIEW-0.
Chelsey Donn:And remember, we're still standing by.
Chelsey Donn:We want to hear what are your, you know, resolutions now?
Chelsey Donn:We're like a little bit in here.
Chelsey Donn:How's it going?
Chelsey Donn:How you doing?
Chelsey Donn:Okay.
Chelsey Donn:Or slide into our DMS.
Chelsey Donn:You can follow us on all the socials at @TheReviewQueens.
Chelsey Donn:I'm at @ChelseyBD.
Trey Gerrald:And I'm at @TreyGerrald.
Trey Gerrald:Okay.
Trey Gerrald:Everyone on today's after show podcast, which we were recording seconds.
Trey Gerrald:After this main episode ends, we are going to be rating and reviewing a one
Chelsey Donn:Bleach again.
Chelsey Donn:Oh my God.
Chelsey Donn:I can't.
Trey Gerrald:So, to find out what made Chelsey say...
Chelsey Donn:'Now am I a prude, or is starfish a recognizable term
Trey Gerrald:'Oh, it looks like my anus is wearing lipstick.'
Chelsey Donn:Then join our patreon at www.Patreon.com/ReviewThatReview in order to
Trey Gerrald:And remember.
Chelsey Donn:Ignore the haters.
Chelsey Donn:You're a queen.
Trey Gerrald:Gender non-specific queen just like Angie RS, significant other.
Chelsey Donn:Yes,
Trey Gerrald:that's not right.
Trey Gerrald:Just like, just like, and gr okay.
Trey Gerrald:Just I'm saying this over again.
Trey Gerrald:Gender non-specific queen
Chelsey Donn:Of course.
Chelsey Donn:Bye!
Trey Gerrald:Bye.
Trey Gerrald:Toodaloo.
Trey Gerrald:Review That Review is an independent podcast!
Trey Gerrald:Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty.
Trey Gerrald:Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by
Trey Gerrald:Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe