UA-198543153-1 185: RE-VIEW: Macy's Santaland: 1 vs 5 Stars (from Ep 28) - Review That Review with Chelsey and Trey

Episode 185

185: RE-VIEW: Macy's Santaland: 1 vs 5 Stars (from Ep 28)

RE-VIEW ALERT: Holiday Showdown – Revisiting Episode 28 of Review That Review 🎅🌟

Step back to December 15, 2021, as we RE-VIEW Episode 28 of Review That Review! The Queens face off in a holiday-themed 1-Star versus 5-Star showdown featuring Yelp reviews for Macy’s Santaland. This famous Christmas tradition of visiting Santa inside a department store has deep roots at Macy’s, and the Queens dive into the good, the bad, and the festive! Trey’s flame burns bright as he counts down the days, Chelsey channels Scrooge McDuck in a sea of junk, and the Queens are ready for FiestaMaiden and HammondCheeseSandWitch to go head-to-head! 🎄

Episode 28 Highlights:

  • Santaland Showdown: The Queens compare a 1-Star and a 5-Star Yelp review for Macy’s Santaland—who will win this holiday face-off? 🎅
  • Holiday Fun: Trey needs the days to stop, Chelsey swims in a sea of holiday junk, and the Queens are all in for a festive battle! 🎄

Timestamps:

  • (04:45) Lodge a Complaint!
  • (15:21) Santaland 1-Star Review
  • (32:46) Meryl-Go-Round
  • (38:40) Santaland 5-Star Review
  • (53:22) My Royal Highness
  • (57:14) Royal Review

Enjoyed the episode? Don’t forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support really helps! 🌟

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About the Show:

Review That Review is an independent podcast produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn. Sound design and editing by Trey Gerrald. Cover art by LogoVora. Theme song by Joe Kinosian, sung by Natalie Weiss. Voiceover by Eva Kaminsky.

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Transcript
CHELSEY DONN:

Ho, ho, ho!

CHELSEY DONN:

Merry Christmas!

CHELSEY DONN:

It's me, Santa, from Macy's!

CHELSEY DONN:

Um, now, this is Baby, It's Time to Review That Review!, episode 28, which originally aired on December 15th, 2021.

CHELSEY DONN:

Super fun, super nostalgic.

CHELSEY DONN:

If you're a miracles on 34th Street guy, gal, queen, I think you'll like this.

CHELSEY DONN:

Don't forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen.

CHELSEY DONN:

As you know, it really helps us a lot and we so appreciate you.

CHELSEY DONN:

Enjoy this flashback episode and happy holidays.

CHELSEY DONN:

Love you, Queens.

VOICEOVER:

Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!,

VOICEOVER:

Hello.

VOICEOVER:

Oh,

TREY GERRALD:

my gosh.

TREY GERRALD:

Hi.

TREY GERRALD:

Hello, listeners.

TREY GERRALD:

Welcome to Review That Review.

TREY GERRALD:

We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing

CHELSEY DONN:

reviews.

CHELSEY DONN:

We're just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

TREY GERRALD:

That voice is Chelsey Donn,

CHELSEY DONN:

and that voice is Trey Gerrald,

TREY GERRALD:

and our voices together are

CHELSEY DONN:

the Review Queens.

TREY GERRALD:

And if you want to support the show while getting bonus and exclusive content, including a members only after show podcast, visit our Patreon page at patreon.

TREY GERRALD:

com slash review that review, Chelsey girl.

TREY GERRALD:

I've missed you.

TREY GERRALD:

We had a proper week off.

TREY GERRALD:

How's

CHELSEY DONN:

your

TREY GERRALD:

week been?

TREY GERRALD:

I

CHELSEY DONN:

know.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's crazy.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, it really does feel like I haven't seen you in eons.

CHELSEY DONN:

My week was a little dulled without you.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm gonna be honest.

CHELSEY DONN:

Are you calling me a flamer?

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm not intentionally.

CHELSEY DONN:

You could adapt as you will.

CHELSEY DONN:

But no, no, it was a good week.

CHELSEY DONN:

I went to an art show in person for Ashley Longshore, who is my mother's favorite artist.

CHELSEY DONN:

So she insisted that I go.

CHELSEY DONN:

But that being said, it was amazing.

CHELSEY DONN:

Her art is incredible.

CHELSEY DONN:

She's amazing.

CHELSEY DONN:

I had a good time.

CHELSEY DONN:

I just am happy whenever I do anything that resembles like pre 2020 life, you know?

TREY GERRALD:

Of course.

CHELSEY DONN:

How about you?

CHELSEY DONN:

How was your week?

CHELSEY DONN:

Where were you, Trey?

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

had a good week.

TREY GERRALD:

We took a week off because I went to visit my nephews and sister and former Royal Highness inductee brother in law.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yes, that's right.

TREY GERRALD:

Uh, in Charlotte, North Carolina.

TREY GERRALD:

We had a lovely trip and it was really nice.

TREY GERRALD:

And here we are, we are back in the full swing of things with a very fun episode.

TREY GERRALD:

I can't wait to jump in.

TREY GERRALD:

I

CHELSEY DONN:

know I'm so like, Delighted.

CHELSEY DONN:

If you're on Patreon right now, you might have a little bit of a sneak peek.

CHELSEY DONN:

My green screen game has been upped significantly.

CHELSEY DONN:

I don't know if you guys remember when I told you about the issue with the skateboard girl and how she made it very unrealistic.

CHELSEY DONN:

I returned that green screen and I, I bought a new one that is, it was a little bit more and I was hesitant to buy it the first time.

CHELSEY DONN:

As we know, sometimes you get what you pay for.

CHELSEY DONN:

And this one is so much better, which I'm very happy about.

CHELSEY DONN:

But mostly I think Trey is thrilled.

TREY GERRALD:

It looks gorgeous.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you so much.

CHELSEY DONN:

Screw

TREY GERRALD:

Skateboard Girl.

TREY GERRALD:

Get her out of here.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yes.

TREY GERRALD:

Was there anyone interesting on the cover of this box?

CHELSEY DONN:

They weren't going as much with the gimmick as the other one, which in this case, I actually liked.

CHELSEY DONN:

They had a video of somebody truly unboxing the item.

CHELSEY DONN:

And then I also went to the reviews, you know, as I do, and I saw in the comment section, a customer had also posted a video.

CHELSEY DONN:

So between those two things, I was pretty confident.

CHELSEY DONN:

I was gonna be okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm not gonna lie.

CHELSEY DONN:

There were some negative reviews.

CHELSEY DONN:

So there was a part of me that was a little worried, but thank God all has worked out.

CHELSEY DONN:

You know and with all that gratitude for companies that are truthful and honest, Trey, Do you have a complaint that you want to lodge?

TREY GERRALD:

You know, I think that I really would love to.

VOICEOVER:

Lodge a complaint.

TREY GERRALD:

Today, I am going to lodge a complaint against a trend that has been growing, especially in the world of social media.

TREY GERRALD:

I am so sick of these arbitrary, made up, social influencer, national holidays.

TREY GERRALD:

Hashtag National Dog Day, which is different than National Pet Day, which is different from National Cat Day.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, I just want you to see I have two sticky notes here.

TREY GERRALD:

I've done some research.

TREY GERRALD:

This is just a list.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm not talking about like actual national holidays,

CHELSEY DONN:

right?

CHELSEY DONN:

Of course, you're talking about World Donut Day.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, let me tell you, I just, this is just a few I've written down.

TREY GERRALD:

It's a lengthy list.

TREY GERRALD:

Please hold your applause to the end.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay,

TREY GERRALD:

Pi Day, which is, um, not,

CHELSEY DONN:

well, that's 314.

TREY GERRALD:

Not, not March 14th, which you think it would be.

TREY GERRALD:

This is December 1st, which is PIE day.

TREY GERRALD:

We also have Mutt Day.

TREY GERRALD:

We have Mud Mutt.

TREY GERRALD:

Like mud mutt, like a A mixed breed dog.

TREY GERRALD:

A mutt.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh,

CHELSEY DONN:

mutt.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh wow.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

Faux fur day.

TREY GERRALD:

Bartender Day Brownie day.

TREY GERRALD:

Pretend to be a time Traveler Day.

TREY GERRALD:

App day today.

TREY GERRALD:

December 15th, unless you're listening late, is Cupcake Day, We also have a Date Nut Bread Day, Coffee Cake Day, Girl Me Too Day, Barbershop Quartet Day, Yellow Bat Day, A Raisin Day, A Bugs Bunny Day, Why?

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, then I, just to complete my complaint, Chelsey, do you know what national holidays are observed on your day of birth, which is June 22nd?

CHELSEY DONN:

Are they bad?

TREY GERRALD:

Kissing Day.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, I like that.

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

don't know why that's not Valentine's Day.

TREY GERRALD:

HVAC Tech

CHELSEY DONN:

Day.

CHELSEY DONN:

HVAC Tech Day.

TREY GERRALD:

Same as you, baby.

TREY GERRALD:

And then Onion, it's also Onion Ring Day.

CHELSEY DONN:

Which I don't like Onion Ring.

TREY GERRALD:

You want to hear what's nationally holiday celebration days on my day of birth, which is March 14th?

TREY GERRALD:

Pie Day P.

TREY GERRALD:

I.

TREY GERRALD:

That makes sense.

TREY GERRALD:

Sure.

TREY GERRALD:

Learn About Butterflies Day and Potato Chip Day.

TREY GERRALD:

Anyway, I hate these.

TREY GERRALD:

I hate them.

TREY GERRALD:

I hate when they pop.

TREY GERRALD:

It seems like every other day is dog day.

TREY GERRALD:

It's like, why?

TREY GERRALD:

Why?

TREY GERRALD:

Why?

TREY GERRALD:

Marketing.

TREY GERRALD:

It's just, it makes me so angry.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't care.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't care that it's celebrate pumpkin butterfly cupcake day.

TREY GERRALD:

Get out of town.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't care.

TREY GERRALD:

I hate it.

TREY GERRALD:

It's so obnoxious.

TREY GERRALD:

Just be creative when you post things online.

TREY GERRALD:

You don't need an excuse.

TREY GERRALD:

And that's my complaint.

CHELSEY DONN:

Complaint lodged, added to the ledger.

CHELSEY DONN:

Completely agree.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's gotten out of hand.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, it started with the hashtags and Instagram, I think really, really up the national whatevers.

CHELSEY DONN:

Day.

CHELSEY DONN:

But you're right,

TREY GERRALD:

especially because no one knows what it is until you see that someone else has posted and then you're like,

CHELSEY DONN:

oh, it's, yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

And then I feel bad like, oh, I didn't post a picture of my dog on National Dog Day, or National Pet Day, or National Animal.

CHELSEY DONN:

I, I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's just too many things.

CHELSEY DONN:

National Puppy Day.

TREY GERRALD:

Exactly.

CHELSEY DONN:

Whatever.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

That's my complaint.

TREY GERRALD:

Go for it, Chelsea.

TREY GERRALD:

What about you?

TREY GERRALD:

heated

CHELSEY DONN:

about your complaint.

TREY GERRALD:

It happens.

TREY GERRALD:

What do you want to complain about today?

CHELSEY DONN:

I want to complain about junk mail.

CHELSEY DONN:

Have we done this before?

CHELSEY DONN:

I don't know, but I think it's time.

CHELSEY DONN:

If we haven't, then, I mean, we're, we're sleeping at the wheel.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, what is with the junk mail?

CHELSEY DONN:

I feel like every day it gets worse.

CHELSEY DONN:

You know how they say you spend, like, however much percentage of your life asleep?

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, it's like you spend a third of your life asleep.

VOICEOVER:

Right.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think there's a very heavy portion of that chart that is me just deleting emails.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think I've unsubscribed from Best Buy like six times and yet it keeps happening.

TREY GERRALD:

It's like promotion at bestbuy.

TREY GERRALD:

com, sales rep at bestbuy.

TREY GERRALD:

com, email twice a week at bestbuy.

TREY GERRALD:

com.

TREY GERRALD:

It's like 700 accounts.

CHELSEY DONN:

Unbelievable.

CHELSEY DONN:

I spend so much of my time like any time that I have free from doing other things.

CHELSEY DONN:

You will find me erasing junk mail because I also I'm, you know, I'm kind of OCD.

CHELSEY DONN:

So I really do not like my email inbox to be overloaded.

CHELSEY DONN:

Me too.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's like, seriously bothers me.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, if I have 20 emails that are kind of unread, there are 20 emails that are unread for a reason, because I need to get back to them.

CHELSEY DONN:

Otherwise, get out of there, because I need to stay focused.

CHELSEY DONN:

Ah, just the amount of time.

CHELSEY DONN:

What are we going to do about it, Trey?

CHELSEY DONN:

It is interesting.

CHELSEY DONN:

How do we fix it?

TREY GERRALD:

I hadn't really thought about that.

TREY GERRALD:

It is something that I will mindlessly do throughout the day.

TREY GERRALD:

It's like, because I like to keep my email clean.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

TREY GERRALD:

I wasn't even conscious that I do that.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm also someone that cannot have a bubble notification.

TREY GERRALD:

So like a text, I can't have the red circle.

TREY GERRALD:

No, no, no.

TREY GERRALD:

I can't know.

TREY GERRALD:

That like something has been unattended to and it's something that I've recently last couple of months have been letting go of is I have to open it so that the little like red bubble appears like that, that it has been open, that it

CHELSEY DONN:

goes away

TREY GERRALD:

for years, I would have to open it so that it would change from like white to gray, meaning that it has been opened and then I would delete it, which I don't know what that says about me.

TREY GERRALD:

Subscribe

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, because I, when I delete emails, I don't even open the email, I just like, in the iPhone, I just do the slidey, that,

TREY GERRALD:

but I used to be so neurotic that I had to open

CHELSEY DONN:

it,

TREY GERRALD:

I wouldn't even look at it, I just needed the color to change, showing that it had been opened, before I would delete it,

CHELSEY DONN:

That's a commitment.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's a weird thing.

CHELSEY DONN:

So that's even more time than Trey.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, imagine if we added up all that time.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think both of us would be very upset.

TREY GERRALD:

You know, it makes me think about waiting in long lines, which I think

CHELSEY DONN:

makes me think about

TREY GERRALD:

something that Has, uh, been on my mind and I think that it's time, Chelsey, for you and I to go head to

CHELSEY DONN:

head.

CHELSEY DONN:

Let's do it.

CHELSEY DONN:

I got my boxing gloves on.

CHELSEY DONN:

When I was a kid, my dad bought boxing gloves for me and my sister so that we could duke it out, actually, if we had a fight, which some parents might say was bad parenting, but I think it was a great idea.

TREY GERRALD:

I appreciate your father's commitment to non gender stereotypes.

TREY GERRALD:

I applaud that.

TREY GERRALD:

It's very progressive for the 80s.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, I'm ready.

CHELSEY DONN:

I got my gloves on, Trey.

CHELSEY DONN:

Let's do this.

CHELSEY DONN:

Alright,

TREY GERRALD:

here we go.

CHELSEY DONN:

Assess

TREY GERRALD:

that kvetch!

TREY GERRALD:

Alright, everyone, today is yet again a Versus episode!

TREY GERRALD:

Woo!

CHELSEY DONN:

It's And

TREY GERRALD:

Chelsey and I are going to cover a one star review.

TREY GERRALD:

And a five star review on the same topic, Macy's Santaland.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's right, Santa.

CHELSEY DONN:

Get that beard nice and tight.

CHELSEY DONN:

So for this versus episode, that was very weird.

CHELSEY DONN:

I just meant because when it's fake, it's like they could just rip it down, you know, like pull it.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

Now I, we need to say what Santaland is in case anyone is confused.

TREY GERRALD:

I did write this down.

CHELSEY DONN:

Miracle on 34th Street, the like newer one with, with Mara Wilson, I mean the newer being that it was the 90s.

TREY GERRALD:

But I think that the original took place there as well.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, really?

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, 90s

TREY GERRALD:

one.

TREY GERRALD:

Miracle on 34th Street.

CHELSEY DONN:

No, I know, but I'm just saying.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, right.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm an idiot.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yes.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

There we go.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

So just so everyone is up to snuff, Santaland is very famous because in the early 1860s,

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh my God.

TREY GERRALD:

The Macy's department store headquarters, which is in Herald Square, Manhattan, created a visit with Santa Claus experience.

TREY GERRALD:

And it has been going strong ever since.

TREY GERRALD:

Ever since, I did not know this was since the 1800s.

TREY GERRALD:

Wow.

TREY GERRALD:

The early 1860s.

TREY GERRALD:

So then, so their website claims that more than 200, 000 guests have visited Santa Land inside Macy's Herald Square alone almost every year since 1977.

CHELSEY DONN:

So they

TREY GERRALD:

weren't tallying people prior to 1977.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

CHELSEY DONN:

So it's been even more.

TREY GERRALD:

So, and it's, you know, it's just a wonderful Macy's tradition that started at that flagship store.

TREY GERRALD:

And also most people will know that Macy's right in front of their store, they host the Thanksgiving Day Parade and the Christmas Day Parade.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's right.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yes.

CHELSEY DONN:

Macy's Day Parade.

CHELSEY DONN:

And also it's very competitive to be the Santa.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, because it's the real one, right?

CHELSEY DONN:

We don't have kids listening to this.

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

know we should sort of say like, don't let kids listen to this because we're going to be, we're going to be real.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

So that's what Santa Lana is in case anyone didn't really know.

TREY GERRALD:

So it's like the most premium version of like the mall Santa Claus.

TREY GERRALD:

I'll

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, the creme de la creme.

TREY GERRALD:

And it is a village that is like taking over multiple levels and multiple floors.

TREY GERRALD:

If you're on Patreon, you can see just like a tiny portion of it on Chelsea's green screen, but they hire hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people to portray elves.

TREY GERRALD:

And there's all these little houses and villages I've never been.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

And they start pretty early, right?

CHELSEY DONN:

They start like in November, like very, they're, they're on this.

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

would imagine it's After Thanksgiving, maybe even the week of Thanksgiving.

TREY GERRALD:

All right,

CHELSEY DONN:

this is a versus episode and Trey selected the five star.

CHELSEY DONN:

I selected the one star.

CHELSEY DONN:

We got to figure out who's going to go first.

CHELSEY DONN:

Trey's got the quarter ready.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think, am I guessing?

TREY GERRALD:

You guess this time.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, so I'm going to guess flip that quarter, Trey.

TREY GERRALD:

And I'm going to catch it this time.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm like, okay, four weeks ago.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, heads, that's tails.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, that's fine.

CHELSEY DONN:

I've been on a losing streak with a quarter, but that means we are going to hear the five star review first from Trey.

CHELSEY DONN:

So let's hear it RQT.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, here we go.

CHELSEY DONN:

Review That Review!

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, so I was really, Stuck with choosing between these two, so I think it is worthy of me doing the other one on the Patreon on the after show,

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, okay, fair,

TREY GERRALD:

Only because it's like, I cannot pick one or the other, So Sophie's Choice, Okay, so today I have a five star review from Yelp that is written by Marianne W.,

TREY GERRALD:

Now, Marianne Do you

CHELSEY DONN:

think it's Marianne Williamson?

TREY GERRALD:

It's not, which I love that you just asked, um, because I'm gonna, we're gonna get there.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

You do need to know that Marianne is an elite reviewer.

TREY GERRALD:

They have written over 2, 500 reviews.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, my God.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's a lot.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's like more time than the emails.

TREY GERRALD:

They have attached 39, 742 images.

CHELSEY DONN:

Stop.

TREY GERRALD:

And whatever the person logo means, it says 5, 000.

TREY GERRALD:

So

CHELSEY DONN:

I think that that's the people that have like clicked.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like I liked it.

CHELSEY DONN:

I thought it was funny.

CHELSEY DONN:

It was helpful.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

So this is the five star review from Marianne W.

CHELSEY DONN:

Williamson,

TREY GERRALD:

possibly debatable.

TREY GERRALD:

And this is from Yelp for Macy's Santaland.

TREY GERRALD:

Can't wait.

TREY GERRALD:

Santaland is a land of fantasy and dreams.

TREY GERRALD:

It's also a huge money making machine.

TREY GERRALD:

Every year it's set up and the space fills with wide eyes and open mouths.

TREY GERRALD:

The twinkling lights are a treat for your eyes.

TREY GERRALD:

The sweet delights will be tantalizing your taste buds as you navigate.

TREY GERRALD:

The space, I can't forget to mention Santa, He visits every year, I remember the only time my parents brought me when I was little, I wanted a Susie Walker doll that Christmas.

TREY GERRALD:

When he asked me if I had been good, I said yes, Then he asked if I ate all my peas, Typical question in the 1950s, I lied and said yes, While my parents corrected me, Guess what?

TREY GERRALD:

I got the doll that Christmas morning, In fact, looking back at the pictures from that year, I believe it is my most memorable and happiest Christmas mornings, The time when you have not been jaded by the cruel reality of life.

TREY GERRALD:

Our financial situation changed dramatically shortly after.

TREY GERRALD:

Well, that's my story about Santa's land.

TREY GERRALD:

When I dig out my holiday decorations, I may find the photos from that year.

TREY GERRALD:

I will try to remember to post them here.

TREY GERRALD:

I was a cute little devil, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.

VOICEOVER:

What?!

CHELSEY DONN:

What?

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

What?

TREY GERRALD:

That's

CHELSEY DONN:

not a review of Santa Land!

CHELSEY DONN:

Um, I just, I'm starting to wonder how Marianne thinks that Yelp should be used.

CHELSEY DONN:

She's an elite reviewer!

CHELSEY DONN:

She's, she must, but she must really get into, it's almost like a short story, you know?

CHELSEY DONN:

I was trying to think, What does Marianne do?

CHELSEY DONN:

Maybe it is Marianne Williamson.

TREY GERRALD:

So, 78 people have found it useful, 49 people found it funny, and 71 found it cool.

CHELSEY DONN:

Alright, what of this, like, because I got so lost in the story, were we ever given any information about Santaland, or was it just like my experience, this is my personal narrative essay for my college admissions, about my relationship to Macy's Santaland?

TREY GERRALD:

What I get from Marianne's review is that Marianne went once in the 1950s and left a review three years ago.

VOICEOVER:

I

CHELSEY DONN:

think you're right.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's why, like, honestly, it was sort of a twist at the end.

CHELSEY DONN:

It got so dark when they lost the money.

CHELSEY DONN:

It got so dark about the financial changes.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, I actually, like, gasped.

CHELSEY DONN:

It was just so sad.

CHELSEY DONN:

I felt so bad for Marianne's family.

CHELSEY DONN:

Also, I thought it was funny when she was like, I was a cute little devil, like.

CHELSEY DONN:

How old do we think Marianne is?

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, if they were a kid that wanted a doll

CHELSEY DONN:

and

TREY GERRALD:

was asked if they ate their peas in the 1950s, they're, you know, today, they're probably, they

CHELSEY DONN:

were probably born in the 40s.

TREY GERRALD:

I would think, yeah, I would think they would be around under 10, probably.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

So they're at least late 50s, 60s now.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, that's way, no, they're way older than that.

CHELSEY DONN:

If they were born in the 40s, Trey.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh, 70.

TREY GERRALD:

You're right, you're right, you're right.

TREY GERRALD:

Um, I like, I'm thinking it's like 2000.

TREY GERRALD:

Um, I know

CHELSEY DONN:

I do that all the time.

TREY GERRALD:

And then they have attached a bunch of images that are not pictures from their visit in the 1950s, but random images of like the tiny little scary, like window dolls.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, do we think that those are, like, stock images, or do we think that Marianne just walks by the window and takes pictures?

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

think based on, like, the angle of the camera and, like, the quality of the images, I think that Marianne took these herself.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, great.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well, at least there's that.

CHELSEY DONN:

So, uh, I don't really know why, I'm not really able to break down the psychology, but I will say that a very large part of Mary Ann W.

CHELSEY DONN:

's identity is that she is this Yelp elite reviewer, I will say.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think she takes this very seriously.

CHELSEY DONN:

Marianne sees something on the street, doesn't matter if she's gone inside or not, she's gonna write a review about it.

TREY GERRALD:

I can draw that conclusion from this because Marianne basically opens up by saying, It's wonderful.

TREY GERRALD:

It's a money making machine.

TREY GERRALD:

But boy, those twinkling lights are a treat and there are some delicious delights that will just tantalize you.

TREY GERRALD:

It's like I'm doing a tongue twister.

TREY GERRALD:

Well, that's

CHELSEY DONN:

why, yes, well, that's why I was like, when did they, because I was like, I remember at one point they did give some information that was applicable to Santaline at Large.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like I wrote down that they said that it was a money making machine because I actually like that they, said that like and it's a five star review like that kind of makes me feel better when they're like it is a money making machine but to me it's still magic so that message i think is a is a good one

TREY GERRALD:

but i will tell you it's free you don't there's no admission fee

CHELSEY DONN:

but It's drawing a crowd into Macy's, and you're online, and I'm sure there's impulse buys online, like, Macy's isn't dumb, they haven't been doing this for a thousand years, exactly, but

TREY GERRALD:

to your point here, Marianne begins this review with five sentences, and the sixth sentence is, I can't forget to mention Santa, and then it's two paragraphs about their personal experience from 70 years ago.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm

CHELSEY DONN:

Do we think that Macy's keeps the tradition exactly the same?

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, do you think that Marianne having this memory is, you know, an indication that a kid today might have a similar experience?

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, so I'm not sure, but I do think that the value that comes from this hilarious, like, review that seems pretty empty is the fact that it was one moment in this human's life Who is in their possible 70s that is so vivid that they did take the time to go back and write a review Because it is that much of a milestone moment in their life.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's what I'm saying.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like I feel like in I take, you know, writing classes sometimes and in one of my writing classes, one of the things we do is we, we sort of archive things that happened at every age of our life.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like we take, you know, 20 minutes and 0 to 5, 5 to 10, etc.

CHELSEY DONN:

And you're sometimes amazed by like, wow, this trip to Macy's where I had this exchange about the peas and the, like, it's, It's that was a memory that I didn't realize I have and sometimes you then end up taking that and putting it into the film Right because it was like did you eat your peas?

CHELSEY DONN:

And then it's this whole narrative about how You didn't but you lied but your parents got it anyway And that was like this like high high moment that was like the top before you took the roller coaster way way way down So I think that there's story here.

CHELSEY DONN:

There's imagery and it's very interesting I just wonder if Marianne almost does this exercise and then every time one of her memories is associated with something, she plucks it out and uses it as an excuse to take that entire day to just write back to back to back reviews.

TREY GERRALD:

You know, we will never know unless we go through, Do you think if

CHELSEY DONN:

we submitted this on Marianne's behalf to a short story contest, it's possible she would place?

TREY GERRALD:

I think that you could turn this into a lifetime movie.

TREY GERRALD:

No question.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think so, too.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like,

TREY GERRALD:

this could be a Hallmark movie.

TREY GERRALD:

Do you

CHELSEY DONN:

think we should option this review, Trey?

CHELSEY DONN:

Should we, should we get the IP?

TREY GERRALD:

I'm not that interested, but I think someone should.

TREY GERRALD:

Here's a, here, look, another Shark Tank idea.

TREY GERRALD:

Here you go.

CHELSEY DONN:

Look at that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

And I'm assuming that the spelling grammar was great.

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

mean, I'm assuming that the It may be you are right here.

TREY GERRALD:

Yes, Marianne really took a long time to craft it.

TREY GERRALD:

The plosives and the very like

CHELSEY DONN:

the descriptive language and it's beautifully written.

CHELSEY DONN:

I really do like to know the personal.

CHELSEY DONN:

I really do like to know this person's life, their story, their relationship to whatever it is that they are reviewing because For me, in a world where there's so many bots, first of all, the specificity is delicious, just as like someone who, who likes to read that kind of stuff.

CHELSEY DONN:

And also, it really makes me believe that this is a truthful experience.

CHELSEY DONN:

And it's a unique experience that only exists in this person's memory.

CHELSEY DONN:

But

TREY GERRALD:

then that's okay.

TREY GERRALD:

So is this a common experience I can expect?

TREY GERRALD:

Or do was this a fluke?

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, it was 70 years ago.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well, that's why it, it's hard to say.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's why I'm wondering, like, I, I hate to say it.

CHELSEY DONN:

'cause again, thank you Marianne, for all the details that you gave us.

CHELSEY DONN:

But no, I don't really think that we can expect this to be a typical analysis because it's not present day,

TREY GERRALD:

I would imagine in today's culture.

TREY GERRALD:

Santa's probably not allowed to ask if you've eaten your peas.

TREY GERRALD:

I think they can probably ask if you've been good or bad.

TREY GERRALD:

But I think you probably because what if someone has a pea allergy?

TREY GERRALD:

And then that's like a whole issue.

TREY GERRALD:

Or like, what if someone has something, you know, it's like, I feel like they probably can't ask specifics like that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Sometimes I hate like, it's fine.

TREY GERRALD:

Do you know what a Susie Walker doll is?

CHELSEY DONN:

No, I don't feel like maybe like our parents would.

TREY GERRALD:

Also, she, Marianne capitalizes Christmas.

TREY GERRALD:

Morning, both times that they say it.

CHELSEY DONN:

What do you think Marianne's job was or is?

TREY GERRALD:

Birdseye and does microwavable peas.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh my God.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think you're so right.

TREY GERRALD:

Um, I, so was there humor in this?

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, it was funny that they like got so like to your point, like a little bit of like personal storytelling is really impactful when it's balanced with information.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't think that there's any information here other than here's my five star review.

TREY GERRALD:

Go From 70 years ago, and it is burned in to my body as a positive experience,

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

CHELSEY DONN:

And that's pretty valuable.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

VOICEOVER:

And

CHELSEY DONN:

if we're going by like brass tacks, though, of I'm going to Yelp because I want to know, like, should I do this?

CHELSEY DONN:

Shouldn't I do this?

CHELSEY DONN:

If we're being honest, there's really no information here that would help me make that decision.

CHELSEY DONN:

I would have to do a lot more

TREY GERRALD:

deeper digging.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

You know, in order to figure it out.

CHELSEY DONN:

Do we think we're ready to crown?

TREY GERRALD:

I, I, I think I'm ready to crown Miriam.

CHELSEY DONN:

All right, let's do it.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards.

TREY GERRALD:

In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings.

TREY GERRALD:

The

CHELSEY DONN:

queens are tabulating.

CHELSEY DONN:

You ready?

CHELSEY DONN:

All right, I'm ready.

VOICEOVER:

Total

CHELSEY DONN:

score.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, I'm holding up two crowns.

CHELSEY DONN:

Trey is holding up two and a half crowns.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'll go first.

CHELSEY DONN:

I gave Marianne two crowns because I liked her passion and I like that she had something to share with us today.

CHELSEY DONN:

I like getting to know about her personal life and I like getting to know that, you know, it's possible to have such a Profound memory from going to Macy's Santaland, but that was really all I could give Marianne.

CHELSEY DONN:

I had to take all the rest of the crowns away because there wasn't a lot of information there that I found particularly useful to the reader.

CHELSEY DONN:

So that was why I gave Marianne two crowns.

CHELSEY DONN:

Trey, why did you give Marianne two and a half?

TREY GERRALD:

So I did two and a half because it's a little less than middle of the road to me.

TREY GERRALD:

I do find this to be an empty review.

TREY GERRALD:

Other than what we've like literally beaten over the head is like, okay, this must have been a profound moment.

TREY GERRALD:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

But you know, if you haven't been here in over 50 years or 70 years, like, Should you write a review?

TREY GERRALD:

Does your opinion

CHELSEY DONN:

hold water?

CHELSEY DONN:

I

TREY GERRALD:

mean, who knows?

TREY GERRALD:

Different conversation.

TREY GERRALD:

But I appreciated that Mary Ann shared that, you know, their life took a dismal turn after this wonderful experience as a child.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah, that

VOICEOVER:

was

TREY GERRALD:

sad.

TREY GERRALD:

But, um, they didn't upload the images, like they teased at the end of the review, but they did have a really great spelling.

TREY GERRALD:

So, you know, for that reason, I did two and a half.

TREY GERRALD:

Not exactly middle of the road.

TREY GERRALD:

But Uh, I mean, there was some substance, but really lacking.

TREY GERRALD:

So that was why I did two and a half.

CHELSEY DONN:

Great.

CHELSEY DONN:

All right.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think that it's funny to me that you think middle of the road is three, because to me, middle of the road is two and a half.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh, well, I guess it is now that we have these, the half card.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right?

TREY GERRALD:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

Good.

CHELSEY DONN:

So you gave it a full middle of the road.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

So let's take a quick break.

TREY GERRALD:

And when we come back, we're going to hear Chelsey's, uh, one star review of Macy's Santa Land.

TREY GERRALD:

And boy, I can't wait to hear that.

CHELSEY DONN:

I love it.

CHELSEY DONN:

BRB!

TREY GERRALD:

BRBZ!

CHELSEY DONN:

Hold your crown.

CHELSEY DONN:

We'll be right back.

TREY GERRALD:

Chelsey and I are so excited to share this exclusive Review Queen offer from superchewer.

TREY GERRALD:

com.

TREY GERRALD:

Now from the makers of BarkBox, SuperChewer is a monthly subscription based service for those dogs that need tougher and more durable toys.

TREY GERRALD:

Every month, you and your pup will receive a box right to your front door that is loaded with two tough toys, two meaty chews, and two full size bags of treats that are customizable for allergy and diet preferences.

TREY GERRALD:

Super Chewer is offering listeners of Review That Review, One extra month free when you use our link superchewer.

TREY GERRALD:

com slash queen sign up right now at superchewer.

TREY GERRALD:

com slash queen.

VOICEOVER:

I

CHELSEY DONN:

don't know if you guys remember when I had the band aid on my finger because Goldie had bitten me so bad that I was actually drawing blood from her biting and with the BarkBox superchewer situation.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank God she has something else to chew on besides my fingers, is all I'm gonna say, so.

TREY GERRALD:

Did you get a subscription?

CHELSEY DONN:

I have, my sister signed me up for a subscription, which is very kind of her.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, it's been extremely helpful, just saying.

CHELSEY DONN:

All

TREY GERRALD:

right, let's um, let's come back from the break.

TREY GERRALD:

Let's do it.

CHELSEY DONN:

I need to take a breath.

TREY GERRALD:

That's my Christmas bell.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh my God.

TREY GERRALD:

But it's not our Christmas episode, that's next week.

TREY GERRALD:

Anyway, Chelsey, it's time for us to take a non Christmas episode little spin on

CHELSEY DONN:

the Meryl Go Round.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh my god, it's game time.

CHELSEY DONN:

I don't feel like an icon, most of the days I feel like I can't.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's with an A.

CHELSEY DONN:

Here's the deal, Trey and I have each picked a rotten, scathing, pithy, one star zinger, 30 seconds on the clock.

CHELSEY DONN:

We'll take turns trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible.

TREY GERRALD:

Just like Queen Meryl Streep, who does it all.

CHELSEY DONN:

Before the clock runs out.

TREY GERRALD:

All right, Chels, what you got?

CHELSEY DONN:

You guys know I love bringing in unique products that I didn't even know existed.

CHELSEY DONN:

So right now, I'm going to read you guys a one star review for Swiss Miss Lucky Charms Hot Chocolate, which as presented on the box, is essentially a Swiss.

CHELSEY DONN:

Miss Hot Chocolate Packet, that instead of the marshmallows, it's actually the marshmallows from Lucky Charms.

CHELSEY DONN:

Just saying.

TREY GERRALD:

They're magically delicious.

CHELSEY DONN:

They're magically I don't know if I'm like, grossed out or intrigued.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's like somewhere between the two.

CHELSEY DONN:

But I do know what Contact 1320 thought.

CHELSEY DONN:

Contact 1320 gave Swiss Miss Lucky Charms mix One Star, their title of their review is, No Cocoa Hot Cocoa Mix, and the review is, No Hot Cocoa Mix At All, Only Marshmallows With No Punctuation, Contact.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

So today, Chelsey, I'm going to strap you in on David Sedaris's one person show.

TREY GERRALD:

We'll The Santaland Diaries, probably being done somewhere at a community theater near you.

CHELSEY DONN:

I love that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thanks,

TREY GERRALD:

Trey.

TREY GERRALD:

Are you ready?

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm ready.

TREY GERRALD:

Here we go.

TREY GERRALD:

TLC reality show.

CHELSEY DONN:

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows.

CHELSEY DONN:

Film

TREY GERRALD:

the water.

CHELSEY DONN:

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows.

TREY GERRALD:

Televangelist.

VOICEOVER:

No hot cocoa mix at all, only

TREY GERRALD:

marshmallows, Auctioneer,

CHELSEY DONN:

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows,

TREY GERRALD:

Yankee,

CHELSEY DONN:

No hot cocoa mix at all, only marshmallows,

TREY GERRALD:

Very good,

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you, That's all.

CHELSEY DONN:

I was imagining that I was like a barista on my TLC reality show.

CHELSEY DONN:

For

TREY GERRALD:

Bartender Day.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, exactly.

CHELSEY DONN:

For National Bartender Day.

TREY GERRALD:

So you got, um, five.

TREY GERRALD:

Good job, Queen.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you.

CHELSEY DONN:

I've really been trying to be more specific about my, um, performance.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, Trey, tell us where your One Star Zinger is from today.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, so I have a One Star Review from show first.

TREY GERRALD:

New Site, Gold Star,

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know what it is.

TREY GERRALD:

Um, so this is a one star review for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular Starring The Rockettes.

TREY GERRALD:

This review is written by Maria A.

TREY GERRALD:

Pantoja Burgos.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

So this is written by Maria B.

TREY GERRALD:

Maria

CHELSEY DONN:

A.

CHELSEY DONN:

I thought you said A.

CHELSEY DONN:

Pantoja Burgos.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know if A is the middle name or, I thought Pantoja Bergos was,

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, so Maria, okay, P.

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, this is from Maria.

CHELSEY DONN:

This

TREY GERRALD:

is Maria's One Star Zinger.

TREY GERRALD:

We had greats, Thanks, Loved and Enjoyed the Show.

CHELSEY DONN:

Wait, what?

CHELSEY DONN:

Wait, so why is it one star?

CHELSEY DONN:

I didn't even finish!

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh god, okay.

TREY GERRALD:

We and enjoyed the show,

TREY GERRALD:

my family, and it's a one star review.

CHELSEY DONN:

And it's one star.

CHELSEY DONN:

Alright, so there's a little bit of confusion for Maria P.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

Maybe in Maria P.

CHELSEY DONN:

's Mind, one means five.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, number one.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know, but Maria has left four other reviews on Gold Star, so.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh,

CHELSEY DONN:

okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

All right.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well, good to know.

TREY GERRALD:

So what am I strapped in on?

CHELSEY DONN:

You're strapped into a sled, Trey, so get yourself ready, because a sled is the thing I was, like, very terrified of as a child.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, does not seem safe, but strap yourself in however you strap yourself into a sled, okay?

TREY GERRALD:

Okay, I'm in.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm ready.

CHELSEY DONN:

Let's do this.

CHELSEY DONN:

Three, two, one, go!

TREY GERRALD:

Courtroom Drama, We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

CHELSEY DONN:

Adult Film,

TREY GERRALD:

We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

TREY GERRALD:

Pop Star, We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family,

CHELSEY DONN:

Shakespeare,

TREY GERRALD:

We had greats, thanks, Loved and enjoyed the show, my family.

TREY GERRALD:

3, 2,

CHELSEY DONN:

1, Was that only 3?

TREY GERRALD:

4?

CHELSEY DONN:

No, Trey, I think we might have That's 4!

CHELSEY DONN:

What did I get?

TREY GERRALD:

You got 5!

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, I won!

CHELSEY DONN:

It's a Christmas miracle!

CHELSEY DONN:

On 34th Street.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm so proud of you.

TREY GERRALD:

See your streak?

TREY GERRALD:

You're back.

TREY GERRALD:

You're a

CHELSEY DONN:

winner.

CHELSEY DONN:

And I really tried to commit to the performance.

CHELSEY DONN:

I hope it came across.

CHELSEY DONN:

Review That Review!

TREY GERRALD:

Alright, we are back from that game break, and now it is Chelsey's turn!

CHELSEY DONN:

It is my turn, let's do it, I have a one star review of Macy's Santa Land, it is also from Yelp, it is written by Tara C., Tara C.

CHELSEY DONN:

is not an elite reviewer, but Tara C.

CHELSEY DONN:

did include a photograph of, I assume, her daughter on the lap of Santa, um, this review was written A little over two years ago, and this is heresy,

CHELSEY DONN:

warning, this experience will ruin Christmas, This is the first review I've ever written on Yelp because I feel compelled to spare some other unknowing guests this awful experience, Beside the fact that although having a reservation on a Tuesday midday, my family, eight year old and four year old, still waited Two hours.

CHELSEY DONN:

I know, I know, it's Christmas time in New York City.

CHELSEY DONN:

I expected to wait, but not in a tiny red hallway, getting jammed in by elves and probably contracting God knows what for two hours.

CHELSEY DONN:

Had I known at the beginning how long it would take, we would have left, but carry on, we did, Santaland, once you actually get in, is a joke, Everything seems old and just gross, I didn't want my kids touching anything, I'm attaching a photo of the Santa we finally did Go ahead and zoom in.

CHELSEY DONN:

I need to write no more on that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Seriously, Macy's?

CHELSEY DONN:

This was the best Santa you could get?

CHELSEY DONN:

Had my children not had a really incredible experience elsewhere, this Macy's Santa would have ruined Christmas for my children.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'd never get them to believe after this.

CHELSEY DONN:

My eight year old gasped when she saw Santa and said, Oh my God, this is the fakest Santa I've ever seen.

CHELSEY DONN:

My four year old wondered why kids were going into different rooms with different Santas.

CHELSEY DONN:

So unless you want to ruin the Christmas magic for your children, do not come here.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, we got to zoom in on this photo, which I,

TREY GERRALD:

is it just like that

CHELSEY DONN:

bad?

CHELSEY DONN:

It's definitely a fake beard.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

And like I said before, ordinarily, like it was quite an honor to be the Macy's Santa, you know, like I know a few Santas personally.

CHELSEY DONN:

Um, or relatives of Santa, I guess.

CHELSEY DONN:

I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN:

I know a few people that dress as Santa and they all have real beards.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah, I would think that you would have, that that would be a prerequisite, but yeah, this

CHELSEY DONN:

Santa does definitely does not have a real beard.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh yeah.

TREY GERRALD:

Can't really get a

CHELSEY DONN:

good gauge on the age of the Santa, but the Santa has a fake beard, a fake moustache, Fake eyebrows, fake white curly hair coming out of the hat, That being said, and I don't know that like, this does much, the costume is excellent,

TREY GERRALD:

right?

TREY GERRALD:

I'm like, here, I'm gonna share so that Patreon can see.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah, it's a nice costume, it feels a little Nordic to me.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, I mean, I think it's a decent Santa wardrobe.

CHELSEY DONN:

It seems to me that

TREY GERRALD:

this man is probably in his 40s.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

CHELSEY DONN:

Agreed.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm

TREY GERRALD:

just really tripped out by these eyebrows.

CHELSEY DONN:

The eyebrows are pretty bad.

CHELSEY DONN:

Whoever, whoever did the eyebrow wig job.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, the thing that was most disturbing to me about this review, I guess I will say not, yes, disturbing, but also impactful was the, the idea that there are multiple rooms with multiple Santas.

TREY GERRALD:

Right?

TREY GERRALD:

Because they get, well, but they get, I mean, you would think that they would be able to disguise that in a way that a four year old isn't going to figure that out.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

CHELSEY DONN:

Do you think they just got the raw end of the deal here?

CHELSEY DONN:

And that's why they're in this like cramped hallway because that's how they differentiate who's going to see the different Santas.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like they, there's different waiting area line areas and they just got pushed to the corner.

TREY GERRALD:

I literally have no idea how it works, but I do know that they have different They have a selection of different kinds of Santas one can get.

TREY GERRALD:

You can make a special request for that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, really?

CHELSEY DONN:

I didn't know that.

TREY GERRALD:

But I don't know how it works out.

TREY GERRALD:

That's like listed in the FAQ on the website, which is the only reason I know that.

TREY GERRALD:

But I would be surprised if that was the case.

TREY GERRALD:

My Santa, because it seems pretty rough.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, it's definitely not what I would imagine the caliber of the, you know, Macy's Santa would be.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like, I was very surprised.

TREY GERRALD:

Well, okay, so I do think that this is pretty valuable.

TREY GERRALD:

I kind of side with Tara on this.

TREY GERRALD:

I have a couple of thoughts here, though.

TREY GERRALD:

Like, if you're a little precocious, eight year old is gasping, Oh, my gosh, this is the fakest Santa I've ever seen.

TREY GERRALD:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

I think, I think this little daughter needs to get coal in her stocking.

TREY GERRALD:

Something about that is a little too precarious.

TREY GERRALD:

Chill out.

CHELSEY DONN:

A little too precocious.

TREY GERRALD:

But I also get like, if the eight year old isn't even believing, then maybe you're failing at the whole point of Santa land.

TREY GERRALD:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

The whole thing about it does also make me start thinking about what it would be like to be hired at Santa.

TREY GERRALD:

There's so much pressure, like you could literally ruin it.

TREY GERRALD:

Like, say one wrong thing.

CHELSEY DONN:

But don't you think that when you're, but that's the, that's the responsibility you take.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, every job that you have comes with some sort of something.

TREY GERRALD:

It is funny to me that at the beginning Tara says like, we were jammed in by elves.

TREY GERRALD:

That sounds like a really funny album.

TREY GERRALD:

Jammed in by elves.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, also very cinematic, you know, like, I felt like I could see, an elf, was that supposed to be Macy's too?

TREY GERRALD:

I'm positive, probably.

TREY GERRALD:

And Christmas Story is like a fake version of it.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

TREY GERRALD:

What's the spelling like here?

CHELSEY DONN:

I think spelling and grammar is great.

CHELSEY DONN:

I didn't notice any complaints.

CHELSEY DONN:

We did, when I was obviously exaggerating, we did use some caps throughout, um, some exclamation points, but not really, like, offensive.

CHELSEY DONN:

You know, we've had reviews before where the whole thing is written in caps.

CHELSEY DONN:

It was just, like, a little bit sprinkled in, which is fine with me.

CHELSEY DONN:

Really solid on the spelling and grammar from Tara.

TREY GERRALD:

Do you think Tara is being truthful or shady?

CHELSEY DONN:

I think Tara is being truthful.

CHELSEY DONN:

I would believe that maybe the whole Macy's experience has lost its luster.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's why with the first review, I think there's something very like nostalgic and pure about Macy's in the 1950s.

CHELSEY DONN:

And I think, Today, dealing with the masses of people.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, the population alone has gone up tremendously since then.

CHELSEY DONN:

So, you know, dealing with the crowds and everything that you have to account for today.

CHELSEY DONN:

I do believe this is a more truthful representation of an experience in the modern era.

TREY GERRALD:

I believe that the children didn't buy it.

TREY GERRALD:

And I believe Tara, when Tara shares that the four year old noticed and said, Why are there multiple houses of Santa's?

TREY GERRALD:

But something feels a little shady.

TREY GERRALD:

Like if that is the issue, like Tara was already done by the fact that they still had to wait after making a reservation, which

CHELSEY DONN:

is upsetting.

CHELSEY DONN:

What do we want to say about that?

CHELSEY DONN:

Because like, I think waiting a half hour after a reservation is okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

But I think waiting two hours, it's extreme.

CHELSEY DONN:

is extreme.

CHELSEY DONN:

And at very least, I don't know, like, I don't know how hectic and crazy it gets there.

CHELSEY DONN:

But in my mind, I would think if we're running that behind, we just, we got to push it back and say, like, come back in a couple hours.

CHELSEY DONN:

Sorry, at very least, like, we're having people that have reservations waiting online for two hours.

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, question, there is a question there.

TREY GERRALD:

But then about everything looking old, like everything is taken down, and then put back up.

TREY GERRALD:

So like, Sure, here's a question.

TREY GERRALD:

Is it the same stuff from 1950?

TREY GERRALD:

Well,

CHELSEY DONN:

that's what I'm saying.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think it might be.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm sure that it is

CHELSEY DONN:

taken down and placed back into place for the next season.

CHELSEY DONN:

There still should be a little Renault now.

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, I don't know.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't work for Macy's, but I'm sure that it's like, I don't know.

TREY GERRALD:

I'm sure they have their like nostalgic evergreen pieces that return every year, but I would imagine it continues to change.

TREY GERRALD:

Like I'm sure that I'm sure that's not the Santa Claus seat, but I don't know.

TREY GERRALD:

Maybe I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN:

So this is what I'm hearing from you.

CHELSEY DONN:

And I think I'm agreeing.

CHELSEY DONN:

What I'm hearing for you is this might be a common experience in terms of waiting online, etcetera.

CHELSEY DONN:

Where we're questioning things is, is this a family that needs this?

CHELSEY DONN:

To be top of the line, everything has to be pristine and perfect.

CHELSEY DONN:

And if it's not, then it's terrible.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like there's no gray area for Tara C and Fam, you know, with the fakest Santa I've ever seen like that kind of stuff.

CHELSEY DONN:

Is that where you're struggling?

TREY GERRALD:

I guess I just sort of feel like Santa himself was a disappointment.

TREY GERRALD:

And then in writing the review, I feel like Tara was just Undone with everything.

TREY GERRALD:

Children are the most germy things that exist in the world.

TREY GERRALD:

So saying, I don't want my kids to touch anything and you're on the side of the Macy's is a little like, okay, I think Tara is protesting too much because Tara was really disappointed.

TREY GERRALD:

That being said, if I'm taking my children to this make believe character under the guise that we're all pretending it's real, then you need to help execute that.

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, correct point blank.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well, that's the thing is, I feel like Tara C brought up a lot of concerns that I would want to know if I was going to bring my kids to, you know, Santa land.

CHELSEY DONN:

But I hear you.

CHELSEY DONN:

There was a lot of like, there was a lot of knocking on things, which tends to happen when we have a bad experience, right?

CHELSEY DONN:

Correct.

CHELSEY DONN:

So we do have to consider that it's probably not as gross or as fake or as whatever.

CHELSEY DONN:

Or

TREY GERRALD:

maybe it is.

TREY GERRALD:

Or maybe it is.

TREY GERRALD:

But I do think the big value is that you're probably going to be waiting.

CHELSEY DONN:

I know.

CHELSEY DONN:

I wonder what I would do to adjust accordingly if I knew that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Maybe pack snacks.

CHELSEY DONN:

I think I, I think I can crown this.

CHELSEY DONN:

How do you feel?

CHELSEY DONN:

I feel a bit conflicted, but um, I'm going to crown it.

TREY GERRALD:

All right, let's do it.

CHELSEY DONN:

Let's do it.

CHELSEY DONN:

The queens are tabulating.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh, I'm conflicted too, but okay, I think I'm ready.

TREY GERRALD:

Are you?

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm conflicted, but yeah.

VOICEOVER:

Great,

CHELSEY DONN:

Trey and I are unanimous.

CHELSEY DONN:

We both gave three and a half.

CHELSEY DONN:

I was between three and a half and four.

CHELSEY DONN:

I don't know if you were between three and three and a half.

CHELSEY DONN:

Why don't you go first?

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know.

TREY GERRALD:

I just said three and a half because I don't think that I would read this review and make my decision.

TREY GERRALD:

Same with The five star review from before.

TREY GERRALD:

I need more context here.

TREY GERRALD:

I would want to, this is once again, just arming me with information about like, I need to make sure that my children are distracted and they don't notice there's multiple little houses or huts with Santa's and I need to like brace myself.

TREY GERRALD:

Like I'm going to Disney world and it's going to be a long.

TREY GERRALD:

Day of waiting.

TREY GERRALD:

Yes.

TREY GERRALD:

Agreed.

TREY GERRALD:

And I would imagine that the kids are going to want to touch everything.

TREY GERRALD:

So I want to like, see if it's dirty and gross because everything's glittery and shiny and sparkly.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right.

TREY GERRALD:

So like, to me, I don't really know how I land.

TREY GERRALD:

So I gave a half more than middle of the road.

TREY GERRALD:

So that's why I did three and a half.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know.

TREY GERRALD:

Why did you do that?

CHELSEY DONN:

I did three and a half because I did feel like Tara C.

CHELSEY DONN:

provided me with a lot of information that I'm going to be chewing on before I make this decision.

CHELSEY DONN:

It would implore me to do a little more research, which for me is not necessarily a bad thing.

CHELSEY DONN:

Just like are other people having this experience?

CHELSEY DONN:

Other people think it's gross.

CHELSEY DONN:

Other people think, you know, the Santas are really unrealistic.

CHELSEY DONN:

These are things that Tara has really piqued my interest in.

CHELSEY DONN:

And for that, I think it's a good review.

CHELSEY DONN:

There was like, there were no spelling or grammar issues.

CHELSEY DONN:

It was very easy to read.

CHELSEY DONN:

I took away one and a half crowns because I wasn't sure if Terese and family was a little pretentious and if their expectations would be higher than the average consumer.

CHELSEY DONN:

So that was where they lost the one and a half crown for me.

CHELSEY DONN:

But I did think it was a useful review.

CHELSEY DONN:

So three and a half.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah, I hear you.

TREY GERRALD:

Well, I mean, I've never been to I'm assuming you haven't either.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well, don't assume I've never sat on Santa's lap because I have really have sat on I have my family was never the kind of family that was like, you're not allowed to believe in Santa or like have that experience as a kid because it's very Americanized, you know, it's it's sort of a part of the Oh my goodness.

CHELSEY DONN:

Have you ever seen this picture?

CHELSEY DONN:

No, I have not.

CHELSEY DONN:

That is so, there's a picture of Trey getting spanked by Santa, a good Santa, I might add, real beard, and David is looking like, what?

CHELSEY DONN:

Get off my man, or what?

CHELSEY DONN:

You're spanking my man, or what's happening here?

CHELSEY DONN:

It's

TREY GERRALD:

really,

CHELSEY DONN:

really

TREY GERRALD:

cute, you guys.

TREY GERRALD:

Um, I'll share the story behind that on our Patreon.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, my my dad had a patient that was a firefighter and also Santa Claus.

CHELSEY DONN:

So a couple times he drove by our house in the fire truck as Santa.

CHELSEY DONN:

And I sat in his lap.

CHELSEY DONN:

So my parents were not anti Santa by any means, even though we're Jewish.

TREY GERRALD:

So just remind me, we used to have Santa drive through our neighborhood and throw candy canes on the fire.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah, I forgot about that.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN:

All right.

CHELSEY DONN:

Well,

TREY GERRALD:

I don't think that the five star that I shared with for the episode today gives us any sort of real power to compare.

TREY GERRALD:

But I would love to share the other one I found in our after show podcast.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, I can't wait to hear it.

TREY GERRALD:

But, um, I, you know, I think I would be charmed by Macy's and Santa Land and consider going but it just it isn't something I would be interested to be honest and it does yeah I really would anticipate it just being a mob scene I mean it's like Herald Square it's always a mob scene so like

CHELSEY DONN:

exactly I feel like there is a similarity here to all the reviews that we do of Times Square when it's like if I'm going to be taking on this endeavor I better expect that it's going to be a little bit of mayhem totally yeah or a lot of it

TREY GERRALD:

all right my queen so we have reached the most regal portion of the show Chelsea, who are you inducting today for?

CHELSEY DONN:

My Royal Highness, I'm gonna induct today, cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

Let's talk about it.

CHELSEY DONN:

I just love cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

I've been trying to take account of my diet lately, not because I'm like restricting myself, but just because I'm trying to write things down.

CHELSEY DONN:

The amount of cheese that I consume What kind?

CHELSEY DONN:

It's a lot.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

CHELSEY DONN:

All kinds of cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

Um, mostly like I love a Parmesan cheese, a Syrah, like it has like a wine rind going on.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's delicious.

CHELSEY DONN:

Cheese is just, it's just so good.

CHELSEY DONN:

It makes you feel better.

CHELSEY DONN:

There is like dopamine or something I want to say in cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

There's actually It's been research that's been done to show that cheese makes you feel better and I just love cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, it's kind of like your love of fries.

CHELSEY DONN:

Like if there's an option on a sandwich or something or a burger to add cheese, yes, please.

CHELSEY DONN:

I will always exercise my right.

CHELSEY DONN:

If I'm traveling somewhere with a vegan and we're splitting food, we're not going to just say no cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

We're going to get the cheese on the side.

CHELSEY DONN:

You know what I mean?

CHELSEY DONN:

Cheese.

CHELSEY DONN:

will be included in most of my meals.

CHELSEY DONN:

And for that, and because we spend so much quality time together, me and Cheese, I just thought it was long overdue that I inducted Cheese as my Royal Highness.

TREY GERRALD:

I hear you.

TREY GERRALD:

I love Cheese as well.

TREY GERRALD:

I really do.

CHELSEY DONN:

So good.

TREY GERRALD:

Good one.

CHELSEY DONN:

That's that.

CHELSEY DONN:

All right, Trey, who are you inducting for your Royal Highness today?

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

So this actually was a recommendation from my brother in law on our trip.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh,

CHELSEY DONN:

great.

CHELSEY DONN:

And

TREY GERRALD:

I'm sort of mortified.

TREY GERRALD:

We haven't done this yet.

CHELSEY DONN:

Oh, no.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, so get

TREY GERRALD:

ready to scratch it off your list.

TREY GERRALD:

You ready?

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, I know.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm sure it's probably on there.

TREY GERRALD:

Today, I'm going to induct for my Royal Highness, Meryl Streep.

TREY GERRALD:

DoorDash, Postmates, Uber Eats, Seamless, Grubhub, Caviar, all of these delivery services.

TREY GERRALD:

Postmates is pretty much a league of its own because you can like order from like the 7 11.

CHELSEY DONN:

Right, right, right.

TREY GERRALD:

But this is like such a profound invention for me.

CHELSEY DONN:

So true.

TREY GERRALD:

I remember when David and I lived on 23rd Street and the ground floor was A moonstruck diner and I would, I would order delivery from underneath us instead of getting in the elevator and going floors down.

TREY GERRALD:

I would, I would do it constantly, which is just crazy, but I just, I am inducting these food delivery services because I do think that is the height of American excellence.

TREY GERRALD:

I don't know if an American invented it.

TREY GERRALD:

It just seems so lazy.

TREY GERRALD:

Just like delivery of food.

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, it's like so genius.

TREY GERRALD:

And I have totally utilized that.

TREY GERRALD:

I've used it when I've not felt well, or I felt like I couldn't go out, you Oh, just not having to cook in the kitchen and just having it brought to your door.

TREY GERRALD:

Do you remember being a kid and ordering pizza?

TREY GERRALD:

I mean, it was like the most fun, like, special event.

TREY GERRALD:

So I just have to do it even

CHELSEY DONN:

like sometimes, like, I'll order it before I get home and almost like meat.

CHELSEY DONN:

It's beautiful.

TREY GERRALD:

I love delivery.

TREY GERRALD:

I've even figured out how to do it in Key West, which is a tiny little island.

TREY GERRALD:

Oh, wow.

TREY GERRALD:

There's a couple of services there.

TREY GERRALD:

So Therefore, I did it, I'm inducting all of these food delivery service apps, uh, from My Royal Highness.

CHELSEY DONN:

What a good indu I can't even believe it wasn't on my list.

CHELSEY DONN:

Isn't that weird?

CHELSEY DONN:

It

TREY GERRALD:

wasn't on mine either, but.

TREY GERRALD:

Chelsea, do we have time for a Royal Review?

CHELSEY DONN:

I think we can make time, Trey.

VOICEOVER:

Yay!

VOICEOVER:

Yay!

VOICEOVER:

Baby, it's time for some Royal Reviews!

VOICEOVER:

Okay, very exciting.

VOICEOVER:

Chelsea, today's

TREY GERRALD:

Royal Review is from Fiesta Maiden on Apple Podcasts.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay.

TREY GERRALD:

Fiesta Maiden writes, Five stars.

TREY GERRALD:

Amazing show.

TREY GERRALD:

I hate to brag, but I found this podcast before they even released any episodes.

TREY GERRALD:

The idea alone hooked me.

TREY GERRALD:

This is a true genius podcast idea, and it's led by two individuals who really know how to put on a show.

TREY GERRALD:

With an original premise and fun presentation, this show is going to go far.

CHELSEY DONN:

Ugh,

TREY GERRALD:

from your lips to God's.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you so much Fiesta Maiden, that is so, so sweet.

TREY GERRALD:

I love that they found us before we had officially launched and they waited to leave us a five star review until November, true listener fans.

CHELSEY DONN:

You took the words right out of my mouth.

CHELSEY DONN:

I mean, like, really, I'm so glad that you were hooked on the premise.

CHELSEY DONN:

And then you're you're listening, and you're loving it.

CHELSEY DONN:

And that's just incredible.

CHELSEY DONN:

And you're a queen.

CHELSEY DONN:

Fiesta.

CHELSEY DONN:

I love the

TREY GERRALD:

name Fiesta Maiden.

TREY GERRALD:

Me too.

TREY GERRALD:

We have great listeners.

TREY GERRALD:

that use their creativity bones to make fun usernames.

CHELSEY DONN:

Agreed.

CHELSEY DONN:

We have the

TREY GERRALD:

best.

TREY GERRALD:

Ham and cheese sandwich.

TREY GERRALD:

Someone's coming for you.

TREY GERRALD:

Fiesta Maiden.

CHELSEY DONN:

Fiesta Maiden.

CHELSEY DONN:

Can you imagine?

CHELSEY DONN:

We should have Fiesta Maiden and ham and cheese, like, do a Meryl Go Round or something.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah.

TREY GERRALD:

All right.

TREY GERRALD:

Well, so that's it.

TREY GERRALD:

Here we go.

TREY GERRALD:

That was episode 28, everyone.

TREY GERRALD:

Next week, everyone, is our special Christmas episode.

TREY GERRALD:

So you have that to look forward to.

TREY GERRALD:

But as of right now, That's it.

TREY GERRALD:

We did it.

TREY GERRALD:

That is another entry closer to sleuthing out life's ultimate truth.

TREY GERRALD:

Wisdom seeking love.

TREY GERRALD:

Yeah.

TREY GERRALD:

Ferris wheel.

TREY GERRALD:

Ear holes

CHELSEY DONN:

of life.

CHELSEY DONN:

Okay, that's amazing.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you guys so much.

CHELSEY DONN:

You Queens for joining us today.

CHELSEY DONN:

If you like what you heard, please.

CHELSEY DONN:

I've said it a million times.

CHELSEY DONN:

I keep saying it, but it really is the best way.

CHELSEY DONN:

The best, nicest thing you could do for us would be for you to share this with your community and friends over the holidays.

CHELSEY DONN:

Do it.

CHELSEY DONN:

Have a little conversation about this.

TREY GERRALD:

And if you don't like what you heard, just tell an enemy, please join our mailing list so that you can stay up to date with the goings on in the Queendom at ReviewThatReview.

TREY GERRALD:

com to scroll all the way to the bottom.

TREY GERRALD:

You'll see it.

TREY GERRALD:

Or you can just click on that simple link that's in our show notes, canny.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, and don't forget, we want to hear from you.

CHELSEY DONN:

Hit up our voicemail box, 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.

CHELSEY DONN:

You can also follow us on all the socials at The Review Queens.

CHELSEY DONN:

I'm at Chelsey BD.

TREY GERRALD:

And I'm at Trey Gerrald.

TREY GERRALD:

Become a member of our Royal Court when you join our Patreon at patreon.

TREY GERRALD:

com slash Review That Review.

CHELSEY DONN:

And remember, ignore the haters.

CHELSEY DONN:

You're

TREY GERRALD:

a queen.

TREY GERRALD:

Gender non specific queen.

TREY GERRALD:

Bye.

TREY GERRALD:

Bye.

TREY GERRALD:

Make sure you join our after show podcast so you can hear the other review.

CHELSEY DONN:

Yeah, and if you're on Patreon, stay in your seats because we got more.

CHELSEY DONN:

Bye.

CHELSEY DONN:

Bye.

CHELSEY DONN:

Thank you so much for listening to that review.

CHELSEY DONN:

We hope you enjoyed it.

CHELSEY DONN:

And as we've mentioned at the top of the show, it really helps us if you could please share the podcast, leave a review, get us up in the algorithms, do all the magic and help us out so that when we come back after this hiatus, we can come back to you.

CHELSEY DONN:

Bigger and better than ever, baby.

CHELSEY DONN:

We love you.

CHELSEY DONN:

Sign up directly on Apple Podcasts to hear our weekly members only after show.

CHELSEY DONN:

Unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon member at reviewthatreview.

CHELSEY DONN:

com slash patreon.

CHELSEY DONN:

Follow us on all the socials at The Review Queens and join our mailing list at reviewthatreview.

CHELSEY DONN:

com.

CHELSEY DONN:

Our Kvetch line is open 24 7 at 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.

CHELSEY DONN:

Don't be a Meshugganah, call the Kvetch line today!

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Review That Review with Chelsey and Trey
Review That Review with Chelsey and Trey
A comedy podcast rating reviewing, and hilariously dissecting online reviews, uncovering the outrageous stories behind the stars.

About your hosts

Profile picture for Trey Gerrald

Trey Gerrald

Actor | Writer | Human-Person
Review Queen 👑
Profile picture for Chelsey Donn

Chelsey Donn

Actress | Comedian | Writer
Review Queen 👑