149: Veet For Men Hair Removal - 5 Star Review

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:00

Yeah, that makes no sense to

CHELSEY DONN: 00:00:01

If you don't have an ice pack, you should just sit on a bag of peas, closed.

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:06

Literally.

VOICEOVER: 00:00:09

Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:00:37

Hello,

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:39

Oh, hi, and welcome to Review That Review, the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:00:47

Reviews!

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:49

That's Chelsey Donn,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:00:50

And that's Trey Gerald,

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:52

could just call us

VOICEOVER: 00:00:53

The Review Queens,

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:57

Chelsey.

TREY GERRALD: 00:00:58

Are you ready too?

VOICEOVER: 00:00:59

Lodge a complaint,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:01

always.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:02

Okay, so let's talk about the experience of You're hungry, okay, you haven't eaten in a while, maybe you skipped a meal, shouldn't have done that, you get like a sandwich, something really delicious that you're just so excited to eat, take a big old bite out of it, and then you just bite your cheek.

TREY GERRALD: 00:01:23

Oh, have we never done this?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:25

No, I don't think so.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:27

It happened to me yesterday, and so I had to write this down, but like literally, I had a really bad headache yesterday, again, I know I complained about it recently, but I did, I like just wasn't hungry, I couldn't eat all day, I was nauseous, I finally like ordered my favorite sandwich,

TREY GERRALD: 00:01:42

And the first

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:42

good, a first bite, into the side of the cheek, and it's like, I like That's it.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:48

It just puts a damper on the entire eating experience.

TREY GERRALD: 00:01:52

Did it bleed?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:01:54

It didn't bleed, but it was like enough that it's like right now, I could feel the location of my cheek where I bit it.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:02

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:03

I mean, because it was an enthusiastic bite, you know,

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:07

No, I am very familiar with this.

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:10

Like.

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:11

Embarrassingly familiar with this, and it's usually when I am excited to be in the act of eating, like for whatever the backstory of that specific circumstance, or I'm eating too fast, like I'm like, as I exposed on my birthday episode, I just need more and more fries than most people, or the next level burger episode, I will be shoving fries in my mouth like I've never eaten, and inevitably, somehow the,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:35

Cheek gets in the way.

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:37

The cheek skin gets in the, oh my god, they're, oh, it, it, it is so upsetting

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:41

It is so upsetting, isn't it?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:43

It

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:43

because it stays with

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:44

it.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:44

It stays with you for days.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:46

For days.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:48

It's like, yeah, I'm not gonna give another one.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:50

'cause we can use it for another complaint.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:51

But there's a few things in like the mouth area like that, where you're like, went in for the joy.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:02:56

Ended in heartache a little bit,

TREY GERRALD: 00:02:58

you know, this is reminding me in real time.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:00

I need to make an asterisk because I'm out of my, uh, what is it, the mouthwash that has the.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:06

Yeah, the peroxide

CHELSEY DONN: 00:03:09

my god, I live for it, every day, almost

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:11

to get another one.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:12

Cause, you know, as the season continues to change, I, like, always have this post nasal drip, so my throat is sore.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:19

So, like, I really just am flushing my body with that peroxide mouthwash, and I need another one.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:24

You

CHELSEY DONN: 00:03:24

yeah, get, order it now, uh, you heard it here, folks, this is what you need for little mouth annoyances,

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:31

I hear that.

TREY GERRALD: 00:03:32

God, that is so annoying.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:03:33

I also just, before we move on to the next segment of the show, want to remind our audiences, in case anyone's forgot, that one, We're lodging a complaint to talk about frivolous things in life so that we can relate to our reviewers and everybody has those moments where there's things they want to complain about but it's really like not that big of a deal and this is the segment where Trey and I get to do that and also you guys get to do that.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:03:59

So if you're, have something on your mind and you're driving and you're thinking like, Ugh, I really want to complain about this, but I don't want to tell my therapist and my friends are really sick of hearing me complain all the time.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:09

You can call 1 850 REVIEW ZERO and you can lodge a complaint and you can get these sort of frivolous things off your chest.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:17

This is all fun and games at the end of the day and you guys should be a part of that experience.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:21

So please call us up, lodge a complaint, you know, we want to hear from you.

TREY GERRALD: 00:04:25

Well said.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:26

Thanks.

TREY GERRALD: 00:04:27

And with all of that, Chelsey, should we jump into the online review portion of the show?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:33

I am so excited.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:34

Yes, let's leap in.

VOICEOVER: 00:04:38

Review That Review,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:42

As you know, we are your trusty Review Queens.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:44

We bring in reviews from the internet that we feel need to be inspected.

TREY GERRALD: 00:04:48

We read you a review, then we break it down together and rate the impact of that review on a scale from zero to five crowns.

TREY GERRALD: 00:04:54

It's a very regal process that we call,

VOICEOVER: 00:04:57

Assess That Kvetch,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:04:59

That's right, and it is your turn this week, Trey.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:02

What have you brought in for us?

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:04

Okay, Everyone.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:06

Okay.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:06

Now, Chelsey, I don't know if you recall, but very early on in this podcast, a monumental shift took place when you and I tried to tackle a review.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:18

That was a one star on a hair loss cream.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:22

Do you remember that?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:23

Oh my god, Santino?

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:25

Yes.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:26

What was his product?

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:27

Do you remember?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:28

It was Nair for Men.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:30

Okay.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:30

Well today, I am bringing in a five star Amazon review for competitor product VEET for men, hair removal gel cream,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:42

I'm guessing it wasn't written by Santino.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:44

no, but another interesting mononym, this is written by Cobalt,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:50

Ooh, Cobalt, like the blue?

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:52

like the blue,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:53

Oh, interesting.

TREY GERRALD: 00:05:55

so no longer cherries of fire, now we're in

CHELSEY DONN: 00:05:58

Now we're in blue, which kind of makes sense, you know, like one star being fire and

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:02

yeah,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:06:03

star being water or ice.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:06:04

Yeah,

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:05

So, alright.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:06

This is a 5 star Amazon review for Veet For Men Hair Removal Gel Cream, written by Kovalt on January of 2018, from the United Kingdom.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:19

This is the subject line.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:21

After having been told my danglies, Looked like an elder.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:27

Rastafarian,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:06:29

Oh my god,

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:30

I decided to take the plunge dot.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:33

Here we go.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:06:34

oh my god, that was the subject?

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:36

That's the subject.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:39

After having been told that my dangles looked like an elder Rastafarian, I decided to take the plunge.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:46

And by some of this, as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful.

TREY GERRALD: 00:06:54

And I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:07:00

Get that.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:01

Being a romantic, I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:09

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea, I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:23

I Oh, my fellow sufferers, how wrong I was.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:07:30

no,

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:31

I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed, And after giving some vague hints about a special surprise, I went down to the bathroom.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:40

Initially, all went well.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:42

And, I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:46

I didn't have long to wait.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:07:50

hmm, Thank you.

TREY GERRALD: 00:07:50

At first, there was a gentle warmth, which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:10

Intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:15

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night, but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seems like the destruction of the meat.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:33

And two veg.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:35

Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip, I tried to wash the gel of in the sink, And only succeeded in blocking the plug hole with a mat of hair.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:48

Through the haze of tears, I struggled out of the bathroom, across the hall, into the kitchen.

TREY GERRALD: 00:08:55

By this time, walking was not really possible, And I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold water.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:05

Relief.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:06

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:17

The relief was fantastic, but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:26

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub, I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment, and I groped around in the drawer.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:38

For something else, as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon, I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts, And tore it open, trying to be quiet as I did so.

TREY GERRALD: 00:09:53

I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.

TREY GERRALD: 00:10:02

This was not doing the trick, as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

TREY GERRALD: 00:10:19

This was probably, and hopefully, the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen, which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink in order to ease the pain.

TREY GERRALD: 00:10:33

The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

TREY GERRALD: 00:10:46

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate.

TREY GERRALD: 00:10:55

And was greeted by the sight of me, Arse in the air, Strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end, Pushing a sprout up my arse, While muttering, dot dot dot dot, Oh, that feels good.,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:11:12

no.

TREY GERRALD: 00:11:14

Understandably, this was a shock to her, And she let out a scream, And as I hadn't heard her come in, It caused an involuntary spasm of shock, In myself, which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:11:33

Oh, no.

TREY GERRALD: 00:11:35

I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting.

TREY GERRALD: 00:11:47

And having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:11:57

Ew.

TREY GERRALD: 00:11:58

So, to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity, and self respect, dot, dot, dot, 231 people have found this helpful,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:12

Oh my God.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:13

Trey, we have a con.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:16

We, I wrote so many notes.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:17

I hope I can translate them.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:19

We, we definitely have a contender v Santino in this review.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:23

Obviously, the number one question I have to ask besides, is it gel or is it cream?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:31

Why is this a five star review?

TREY GERRALD: 00:12:34

it's a really great question, I don't have the answer, it is listed as a 5 star.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:40

I mean, why did he keep the ice cream?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:12:42

Sorry to start at the back and then work to the front, but oh my god, I like, I was just like, okay, I almost believe the story until we got to the end, and then I started to feel like, is this real life?

TREY GERRALD: 00:12:57

I agree, I feel like it got so extra, like, there's no need, uh, uh, first of all, why would you keep the ice cream,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:04

Why would you keep the ice cream?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:05

I know again, we're starting at the end, we'll work our way back to the beginning, but like, I just, I would be remiss.

TREY GERRALD: 00:13:10

And also, if you decided, like, to, why would you explain that to the kids?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:17

but also like, why would you ever save that ice cream?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:19

It's clearly contaminated.

TREY GERRALD: 00:13:21

Besides being contaminated by human parts, it's also the chemicals of eat.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:26

yes.

TREY GERRALD: 00:13:27

Right, so, maybe some warning bells here, this is not factual.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:32

but I did like it.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:33

I thought it was really funny.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:35

There's so many like British isms, I feel like in here, but also just like I don't know why I first got a chuckle out of even like, do my deed like for the missus.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:45

Like, I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:47

It's just

TREY GERRALD: 00:13:47

the missus's birthday,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:49

The missus.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:49

Oh, yeah, that's it for the missus's birthday,

TREY GERRALD: 00:13:52

that's like Mississippi, What do you think of the masculinity inherent in working on the North Sea compared to a soft office

CHELSEY DONN: 00:13:59

Office type.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:00

Yeah, I was

TREY GERRALD: 00:14:01

so funny,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:02

Office types.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:03

I mean, what an interesting way of describing, I guess, like, what, a vanilla kind of a person?

TREY GERRALD: 00:14:10

I don't know, I, I mean even as a gay person in the gay snowman comment, I do think that Cobalt is just being funny, I don't find any of it offensive, like I think it's meant with like humor,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:20

Yeah, I mean, I guess, like, my number one question in terms of usage, if we're to believe, like, this ha this really did happen, maybe there's, like, Hyperbole in there with the storytelling, a little embellishment.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:31

My question is how long did they wait?

TREY GERRALD: 00:14:35

I know that, once again that's vague,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:37

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:37

With all the specifics in here, it was like, didn't have to wait long.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:42

Well, how long?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:43

Because like sometimes these V, you know, first of all, you're in real trouble if you leave it on too long.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:50

That's just the

TREY GERRALD: 00:14:51

always,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:52

Always.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:52

Second of all, if it starts to burn in any way, remove it immediately.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:57

It's not supposed to burn.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:14:58

If it's burning, it's like chemical burn, it's on too long.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:02

So that's like number one and number two.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:04

And it's shocking how like if it says two minutes, two and a half minutes is too much.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:11

I kind of wish like we would have known.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:14

I didn't have to wait long.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:15

Was it like 30 seconds later, my balls were on fire?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:18

Like, you know?

TREY GERRALD: 00:15:20

all of the specifics about the ice cream, but we don't have the specific of the time, that, that's like, unfortunate, especially because the back of these tubes, whether it's Veet, whether it's Nair, it does give you a specific time,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:32

it's always like, warning, don't leave, like,

TREY GERRALD: 00:15:34

yes, and we all have timers on our iPhones, on our smartphones, so like, to me, anytime I have used a product like this,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:42

alarm,

TREY GERRALD: 00:15:43

I am setting an alarm, like, I am not joking with

CHELSEY DONN: 00:15:46

hundred percent, same, okay, that aside, the metaphor of the barbed wire wedgie With the intent of hitting the ceiling, like, with my head,

TREY GERRALD: 00:15:59

Extreme.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:00

I feel that immediately, in a way that I never wanted to feel it.

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:04

Yeah, it's very beautifully descriptive, like, Cobalt gets points for that.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:09

We have so many nicknames for our butthole, we have Turd Tunnel, Plug Hole,

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:16

and what was the last one?

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:17

The Chutney

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:18

Starfish, but that's off, oh yeah, the Chutney Channel.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:23

A lot of arse, which I kind of enjoyed.

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:26

is funny to me.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:27

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:27

So that was interesting.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:28

Also, like I kind of gasped in the middle of this when they were talking about how they were going to bite their bottom lip.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:35

How weird is that with the complaint that I lodged today?

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:39

Oh my god, I didn't even think about that.

TREY GERRALD: 00:16:41

Oh, actually, wait, correction, I think the plug hole, they're meaning the sink, because they're saying I, to wash the gel off in the sink, but only succeeded in blocking the plug hole with a mat of hair, like, because they swiped it off in the sink, and then it was like,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:16:58

Uh, like the hair came off because of

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:00

but plug hole is evocative of

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:03

I thought that

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:04

in this, yes,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:06

I could, yeah, I could see them doing that

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:08

through the haze of tears, that's like so beautiful,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:13

I know.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:14

The ice cream thing was hilarious and bizarre.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:17

I feel like of all of the things that I would have gone for It wouldn't have been ice cream.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:22

Like, I would have gone for, like, peas, frozen veggies, just sat my bare butt right on it.

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:27

right, why did you open the

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:29

You don't open it.

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:31

Yeah, that makes no sense to

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:32

If you don't have an ice pack, you should just sit on a bag of peas, closed.

TREY GERRALD: 00:17:37

literally, that seems so confusing to me,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:40

And also, like, the visual of, like, being surrounded by the melted ice.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:43

Now, if this is true, which, honestly, at this point, like, I'm having a little bit of trouble believing, What do you think the wife thought when she came into the kitchen and saw her husband shoving sprouts up his ass saying, What did he say?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:17:58

Oh, baby, or something like

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:00

oh, that feels good.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:01

Oh, that feels good.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:03

You know, I'm sure that, like, the explanation is really quick to be found, because there's a hairy mess, and the open tube in the bathroom, like, it's a, it's a striking visual to imagine,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:15

I mean, I'm sure he could explain his way out of it,

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:18

Also, it says she let out a scream,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:20

Wouldn't

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:20

that, that didn't wake up the kids?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:22

you woke up and you saw David like spread out with like ice cream all over the floor and sprouts up his ass,

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:30

I mean, I would know something was off.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:32

I mean, I wouldn't be like, you're a pervert.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:35

I'm getting a divorce.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:36

you walked, no, I know, I know, but if you actually was like, Oh, baby, or oh, that feels good.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:43

I don't think I would be that alarmed.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:44

I'd just be like, what is literally going on?

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:47

It's also disturbing to me that they include the detail that it's strawberry ice cream.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:52

So then it's like pink dripping ice cream

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:55

It is, but

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:56

on your

CHELSEY DONN: 00:18:57

does add a whole new visual.

TREY GERRALD: 00:18:59

it really does.

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:00

But, you know, also, like, okay, I'm just taking the circumstance here, like, before we get to the extremity of inserting frozen Brussels sprouts into you, what, like, because some of it has gotten

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:12

Is it Brussels sprouts or is it like sprouts, like alfalfa sprouts?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:16

Did it say Brussels

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:17

it just says sprouts, but I just thought that meant Brussels sprouts.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:20

Maybe

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:21

think it's like alfalfa sprouts?

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:22

Aren't those, like, long things?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:24

stringy, like you just like grabbing a handful and

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:27

Well, that's what I thought of Brussels sprout, because if you farted that out, it's gonna

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:31

more,

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:31

pelt your leg.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:32

that makes more

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:33

Wait, but like, if it had gotten up inside, wouldn't you try to be scraping it out, rather than putting more foreign objects in?

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:40

I don't know.

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:40

It's all a little I'm having, now I'm having a hard time wondering if this is real or not.

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:44

It's so absurd.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:46

wait, hold on, did we talk about, Did they ever wash it off?

TREY GERRALD: 00:19:50

That's the whole butt, or, I was gonna say butt plug, that's the whole, that's the whole plug hole,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:19:56

Do you think it's just the fact that Cobalt is not your typical office dude?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:20:03

That there's like some ruggedness thing where Cobalt was just like, I don't need to read the directions, I don't need to, you know?

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:11

well, Cobalt sort of confesses to that, at the top, which I appreciate.

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:15

Oh, my fellow suffers, how wrong I was.

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:19

I mean, I do understand, like, I'm coming to this with the knowledge of having used the product as a gay person, so, all of these bits aren't so, like, foreign, that it's like, and also having used both Veet and Nair, and also having used both Veet and Nair.

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:31

Like, I have an understanding of how serious it is, plus obviously coming to this from the history of Santino.

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:39

I think if you read some of the reviews and you saw that it could go horribly wrong, you would be fastidious in the actions you are taking, so that you aren't crawling down the hallway.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:20:51

Agree.

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:52

Okay, so the value here, how valuable is this?

TREY GERRALD: 00:20:55

to you as a five star review.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:20:57

Hmm, I think that that's a hard one.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:00

Not that valuable as a five star review.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:03

More valuable as a one star review.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:06

That being said, I just sort of wish that they would have copped up to using the product wrong.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:10

That would be the only reason for a five star in my opinion, is like, I did it wrong, and like, this is why you need to pay super close attention, but it's not really saying that.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:19

So, if I'm looking to the five star reviews to be convinced against the one star reviews.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:26

Not that valuable.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:27

And I feel like they used like the ending coda here to say like, well, then I had to explain to the kids.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:35

But I think the ending coda should actually be.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:38

So what I learned from this is that time it appropriately use less than you think you need.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:44

Take your time.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:45

Which I want to say, and I know that I romanticized Santino, but I want to say he did something like that.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:51

Yeah, because this really just says to sum it up Veet removes hair.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:54

Right.

TREY GERRALD: 00:21:54

But like, is that worthy of is that the worthy conclusion for a five star

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:58

five star?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:21:59

Don't think so.

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:01

Especially when you're admitting that, like, you thought all these other people that had horrible experiences were just too soft and I would have a different experience, like, to then prove that, like, oh my god, it got me, too.

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:10

So is that five star y?

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:12

Maybe it is?

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:12

I mean, I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:14

we're just putting it in the five star because we, like, think we're gonna stand out more at this point because there's so many one stars that are like this that if we make ourselves a five star we're probably gonna get seen more,

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:23

that's a

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:24

probably actually worked in this circumstance.

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:27

The spelling grammar is all excellent.

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:29

There's one little typo in

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:30

two typos.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:32

There was,

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:33

Oh, they say of both

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:35

tore the lid off of, Draw, something with draw

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:39

Yes, they say

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:41

instead of drawer,

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:42

Yes, isn't that weird?

TREY GERRALD: 00:22:43

Cause that's like, no because they say drawer first, D R A W E R, and then the next sentence is draw, D R A W, which is like how my mother in law says draw, the draw,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:22:54

the draw, get it out of the draw, but other than that, clearly, like, there's a lot of intention,

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:00

yes.

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:00

Common experience, fluke typical, I mean they straight up say, it even got me.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:06

I think that, so that's common, so that's definitely common,

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:09

Humor is funny.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:11

humor was the goal,

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:12

Yeah.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:13

and how many likes,

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:15

Well, 231 people have found this helpful.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:18

which is essentially a like on Amazon,

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:20

Yeah, so then

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:22

like humor successful, I

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:23

yeah, then the impact in the Truthful Shady is all a little confusing to me about how I'm gonna consider it because do I think it's a fake review and Does the impact make me too scared to use the product?

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:37

Or do Like, I, or does it teach me that I have to be very specific?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:42

I mean, I definitely think the impact makes me not want to use the product.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:23:47

Even if we are speaking like in exaggerated metaphor, I mean, I don't think I'll ever forget about the barbed wire.

TREY GERRALD: 00:23:54

Yeah, it's also interesting to note that this is just straight up veet for men hair removal gel cream,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:01

I was going to ask that.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:02

Thank you for bringing that up.

TREY GERRALD: 00:24:04

they do make

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:05

an intimate area.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:06

Sometimes it actually will say like, don't use this on intimate areas.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:11

That's a good point, Trey.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:13

Was this the correct product?

TREY GERRALD: 00:24:15

Misusing the product.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:16

Misusing the product?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:17

I don't know.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:17

That's possible.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:19

Should we crown Cobalt?

TREY GERRALD: 00:24:21

Let's add another C to Cobalt and give them a big ol crown.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:24

All right, let's do it.

TREY GERRALD: 00:24:26

Alright, so Chelsey and I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards.

TREY GERRALD: 00:24:29

In an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.

VOICEOVER: 00:24:36

The Queens are tabulating, Total Score,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:44

Wow, that's crazy.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:45

Okay, so I'm holding up four crowns and Trey's holding up two and a half crowns.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:50

I went with four for humor.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:24:51

I mean, we see so many reviews on this show that are like just your average Joe and this was funny and interesting and used language I hadn't heard before, metaphors that will stick with me forever.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:03

And was obviously very intentional and funny and the people of the internet tend to agree.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:08

So I like to reward people for standing out, which I definitely think Cobalt did.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:14

I have to take a crown off because I wish we had a little bit more specifics about the use of the experience, whether this was you, whether this is everybody, if you picked the right product or if you picked the wrong product, things that we talked about.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:25

So I couldn't give a perfect review queen.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:28

I wanted to at moments, but I wish we had rounded it out.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:31

Four crowns for me, but only two and a half from you, Trey.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:25:34

So why two and a half crowns for Cobalt?

TREY GERRALD: 00:25:37

I don't know, I'm saying middle of the road here because I feel as though it's very funny, it is very literary, but I don't know why it's five stars, and I do think since we spent so much time, we could have equally ended or included any specific detail about like what the next steps were or what the learning.

TREY GERRALD: 00:26:00

moment was or like just any sort of summation that's not about like the kids with the indent and the ice cream but more so about Here's how I am giving a five star, but I also agree I think the humor is so funny and and I do think the subject matter coming from a self identifying straight man to go to the depths of like I needed a gay snowman to ask fuck me like I applaud the the willingness to go there and not fear of like emasculation like i just i think there's something funny there that isn't offensive but at the end of the day i i think it's two and a half stars

CHELSEY DONN: 00:26:39

I hear you.

TREY GERRALD: 00:26:40

so now that we've done, in the span of our show, both Nair and Veet, Which one are you feeling you would purchase?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:26:50

that's kind of like a Sophie's Choice, isn't it?

TREY GERRALD: 00:26:52

It seems that way.

TREY GERRALD: 00:26:53

For some reason, even though Cherries of Fire was so upsetting,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:26:57

Barbed wire feels worse.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:26:59

I mean,

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:00

To me, it feels like Nair is the OG, Veet is like the Kmart.

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:06

Up to the

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:07

V is definitely newer.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:09

I think I agree.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:10

I think I would probably go with the Nair.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:12

I think I'd be scared away from the V, and if I was I would definitely test it out on a leg or you know something

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:19

Oh my God.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:20

I would go bikini line.

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:22

We, we just tackled a man putting sprouts up his arse on the

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:28

Up is ours!

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:29

Oh

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:30

There was a time when Chelsey brought in a personal lubrication review that we thought was so blue that we put it on the after show.

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:38

And now here we are, one episode away from 150 episodes, and I just read to you about a man shoving vegetables that are frozen, Up his bumhole and farting them at his wife at 11pm.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:27:51

From his chutney channel.

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:53

Look what God can do.

TREY GERRALD: 00:27:56

Alright, my Queen, we have reached the most regal portion of our show.

TREY GERRALD: 00:28:00

Who are you inducting for?

VOICEOVER: 00:28:03

My Royal Highness,

TREY GERRALD: 00:28:04

Please tell me you're going to say frozen vegetables.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:06

Oh my god, I wish, but I'm not.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:08

So I'm actually gonna do a little five star review here as a part of My Royal Highness, which is sort of funny because you did a five star review as well, but this is what a real five star looks like.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:20

I talked about, I think a few weeks back about my sink not working in my kitchen.

TREY GERRALD: 00:28:25

Yes.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:26

And my roommate finally decided he was going to take it into his own hands and he found a place and he called them and they were amazing and they came like right in the middle of the storm but like not in the horrible part.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:38

Anyway, my roommate who doesn't self identify but identifies as like Scott G wrote this review about the company.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:45

We called A1 during the recent LA storm around 2 p.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:49

m.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:49

because we needed a plumber to fix a clog in our kitchen sink.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:53

We had another plumber attempt to fix the issue but failed to do so and after a week with no kitchen sink, we were desperate.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:28:59

Despite the crazy weather, Marco from A1 was able to come out same day and we couldn't have asked for better service.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:06

Marco was kind, patient, and competent.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:09

He got the job done quickly and charged a very reasonable rate, matching another quote we received elsewhere.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:15

He explained the issue in detail and took the time to show us the damage to the pipes due to corrosion.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:20

Best of all, he got our sink working again.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:23

Amazing service and we'll definitely be using these guys again.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:29

Just want to quickly share that they wrote a reply.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:32

Wow, it sounds like Marco truly came through for you during what must have been a challenging time.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:38

We understand how tough it can be to go without a fully functioning kitchen, especially during the chaos of a storm.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:44

Marco's dedication to providing kind, patient, and competent service, no matter the weather, is exactly what we pride ourselves on at A1 Total Service Plumbing.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:29:55

Hearing that he not only resolved the clog but also took the time to explain the issue and show you the underlying damage, speaks volumes about our commitment to transparency and education.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:06

We're thrilled to know you found the service both amazing and reasonably priced.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:11

Thank you so much for choosing us and for your willingness to use our services again in the future.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:15

We're here whenever you need us, rain or shine.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:18

Ready to tackle any plumbing challenge with the same level of care and expertise Marco demonstrated.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:24

Here's to a future free of clogs and full of clear pipes.

TREY GERRALD: 00:30:29

That's cute.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:30:56

roommate's, Royal Highness,

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:00

Did you help Scott G with that review?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:02

I didn't, wasn't it excellent?

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:04

Queenly,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:05

I said, I know they sent it to me and I was like, I have to use this on the show as a Royal Highness because what a beautiful written review, Scott.

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:15

Yeah, good job, Scott, and great job, Marco,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:18

amazing reply.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:19

I mean, listen, that to me was like a master class.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:23

In how to reply to a review on Yelp, like with specifics and it felt really personal and wow, beautiful.

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:31

Great induction.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:32

Thank you.

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:33

Well, we did it, Queen.

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:35

That's another round on the R U A R Q, Ferris Wheel of Arsory.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:40

Oof, it's nice to be out of the turd tunnel, I'm not gonna lie.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:43

Thank you for joining us today.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:45

If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.

TREY GERRALD: 00:31:48

If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:31:52

On this week's After Show Pod, Trey, we are rating and reviewing a five star review, because we gotta keep it consistent here, for Munchkin, Extra Guard, Dual Action, Multi Use, Latches, To count.

VOICEOVER: 00:32:09

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:11

What?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:14

It's like a child proofing latch.

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:16

Right, okay, I, I heard Munchkin, I thought of Dunkin Donuts, but no, I know the Munchkin brand for like, baby things.

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:23

Okay, yeah, that's, that's gonna lead us to a litany of conversation I can tell

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:27

Ooh,

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:28

Which is making me wonder, why did this get said?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:32

That's what happens when you're in a play.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:34

There's always relationships.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:36

There's always drama.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:38

I kind of miss it.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:39

I'm not going to lie.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:40

I like, I need,

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:42

fun drama,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:43

it's fun.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:43

I mean, you literally met your husband

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:46

Oh,

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:46

doing a

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:47

Oh, right.

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:47

Who am I to talk?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:48

right?

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:51

Me too.

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:54

Yeah, I

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:55

Yeah, I wonder.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:32:56

Yeah.

TREY GERRALD: 00:32:57

implore you all to remember

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:01

Ignore the haters.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:02

You're a queen, for Christ's sake.

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:04

gender non specific queen, for Christ's sake.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:07

Love you.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:08

Bye!

VOICEOVER: 00:33:10

Sign up directly on Apple Podcast to hear our weekly members only after show unlock additional benefits when you become a Patreon member@reviewthatreview.com slash patreon.

VOICEOVER: 00:33:21

Follow us on all the socials at the review queens and join our mailing list@reviewthatreview.com.

VOICEOVER: 00:33:26

Arc vetch line is open 24 7 at 1 8 5 0 review zero.

VOICEOVER: 00:33:30

Don't be a ogana.

VOICEOVER: 00:33:31

Call the kvetch line today.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:35

I was dancing like this.

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:42

You just need some um, alfalfa sprouts.

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:44

Edward

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:45

I looked like I was holding a, shaking a shake weight, I'll say.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:48

I was doing a little, uh,

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:49

Fortyhands over

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:50

Fortyhands.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:51

Oh my god, that was a good review, Trey.

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:54

A little, a little weird, a little off color.

TREY GERRALD: 00:33:56

A little cobalt blue.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:33:58

love it when we go cobalt.

TREY GERRALD: 00:34:00

We went cobalt.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:01

great.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:02

We did go cobalt!

TREY GERRALD: 00:34:04

Well, that's a new phrase.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:05

Alright, okay.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:06

I like going cobalt with you, Trey.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:08

Anytime.

TREY GERRALD: 00:34:09

they go low, we

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:11

We go cobalt.

TREY GERRALD: 00:34:13

See you Friday, Queens.

TREY GERRALD: 00:34:14

Bye.

CHELSEY DONN: 00:34:14

you Friday, bye!