UA-198543153-1 Reviewing a GoodReads review of 50 Shades of Grey and a Yelp review for the Central Park Zoo - Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald

Episode 1

Episode 1: Fifty Shades of Grey / Central Park Zoo

The Review Queens break down a one star review for the literary classic, 50 Shades of Grey, and a one star Yelp review for the Central Park Zoo.  They fall in love with Shenice and wonder if that was a bear’s leg… or a bear’s arm.

**Submit a 5-Star-Review for the show on Apple Podcasts and email a screenshot of your review to hello@reviewthatreview.com to be entered in the RAFFLE!  You know you need a Review That Review fashion pin and a deluxe ballpoint pen.  

CLICK HERE to submit your review!

(05:58) Lodge A Complaint

(12:18) How We Asses That Kvetch

(12:59) 50 Shades of Grey Review

(27:14) Meryl-Go-Round

(31:38) Central Park Zoo Review

(40:13) My Royal Highness

*****

Leave us a voicemail at 1-850-REVIEW-0

WATCH CLIPS on YouTube!

Visit our website for more: www.ReviewThatReview.com

@TheReviewQueens | @ChelseyBD | @TreyGerrald

---

Review That Review is an independent podcast.  Executive Produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald.  Cover art designed by LogoVora, voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.

Transcript
THEME SONG:

Everybody's got an opinion.

THEME SONG:

Every Californian and Virginian.

THEME SONG:

It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore,

THEME SONG:

Someone's gotta settle the score.

THEME SONG:

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose,

THEME SONG:

Who's views win, which ones lose.

THEME SONG:

Online haters, their comin' for you,

THEME SONG:

Baby, it's time to Review That Review!

THEME SONG:

. TREY: Hello!

CHELSEY:

Hi!

TREY:

Oh my goodness.

CHELSEY:

It's Episode one!

TREY:

Here we are.

TREY:

Welcome to Review That Review!

TREY:

The podcast dedicated to reviewing...

CHELSEY:

...reviews!

CHELSEY:

We're just like Siskel and Ebert only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we

TREY:

That's true.

TREY:

That's Chelsey Donn

CHELSEY:

And that's Trey Gerrald.

TREY:

and together.

TREY:

We're

VOICEOVER:

The Review Queens!

TREY:

Here we are.

TREY:

Chelsey episode UNO.

CHELSEY:

Yay.

CHELSEY:

I cannot believe it.

TREY:

And all the listeners are here.

TREY:

Thank you for being here and listening to episode one, we, um, are so excited

TREY:

I figured that for this first episode, we can just take a brief little moment up

TREY:

and then we'll jump right in.

TREY:

So you're not just listening to a boring infomercial at the beginning

CHELSEY:

I think that's a great idea.

CHELSEY:

So who, who are we?

TREY:

well, I'm Trey Gerrald, and I am a actor writer, sometimes funny person,

TREY:

I'm from Columbia, South Carolina.

TREY:

I live in New York City and , I've been here for almost 11 years.

TREY:

Who are you?

CHELSEY:

I am Chelsey Donn.

CHELSEY:

I'm also an actor writer, comedian.

CHELSEY:

, I live in Los Angeles.

CHELSEY:

I've also been here almost 11 years, which is crazy.

CHELSEY:

Grew up on the east coast, right outside Philadelphia.

CHELSEY:

And just here to do the thing, you know

TREY:

Go pirates or Buccaneers or what's Philly?

CHELSEY:

Definitely not pirates or Buccaneers.

CHELSEY:

Phillies?

CHELSEY:

Is that what your

CHELSEY:

... TREY: I don't know.

CHELSEY:

I don't

CHELSEY:

...Phillies, Sixers, Eagles?

TREY:

Are any of those, right?

TREY:

I don't know.

TREY:

I don't follow sports.

TREY:

Oh, I'm thinking of Cinc-- wait

CHELSEY:

Pittsburgh?

TREY:

Pittsburgh is the pirates, right?

TREY:

I've been to a pirate's game.

TREY:

Oy, okay.

TREY:

Now people hate me.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So I was thinking we met, I think the year was 2017.

TREY:

Is that right?

TREY:

I should have gone back and looked.

CHELSEY:

As my memory serves.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, it was the summer.

CHELSEY:

I believe, of 2017

CHELSEY:

winter!

TREY:

I don't know.

TREY:

It was LA it's hard to tell.

CHELSEY:

I don't know.

CHELSEY:

It was nice out.

TREY:

yeah, we met because I was spending a little time in Los Angeles

TREY:

Hey!

CHELSEY:

Hey, shout out.

TREY:

She was like, you have to meet my friend, Chelsey Donn, you're

TREY:

And you know, that can go one of two ways...

TREY:

... now here we are...gosh.

TREY:

Now it's 2021.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, It was the same thing on my end.

CHELSEY:

Emily was like, you're going to love Trey.

CHELSEY:

You guys are just going to be quick friends.

CHELSEY:

And I was like, I trust Emily with probably my life.

CHELSEY:

So I was like, if Emily signs off on this human, they're probably pretty great.

CHELSEY:

And thank God you lived up to the hype.

TREY:

Oh, phew!

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Uh, so little quick notes here.

TREY:

So we have spent the last couple of months, really hashing things out, getting comfortable,

CHELSEY:

Maybe!

TREY:

And it's been maybe, maybe there'll be bonus content on our pateron.

CHELSEY:

Could be.

TREY:

And, uh, this has been like a really fun experience working with you.

TREY:

And so I hope that all of the listeners equally enjoy diving into this

TREY:

oh, wait, I do want to quickly ask, are you someone who partakes in online reviews?

TREY:

Are you a person that is in this world already?

CHELSEY:

I'm an avid reader of online reviews.

CHELSEY:

I wouldn't say I'm as much of a writer, but I read all the time.

CHELSEY:

I'm constantly dissecting reviews.

CHELSEY:

I do this for friends when they get like, they're like, oh, I'm afraid to buy this product.

CHELSEY:

And then I really will go through it and say like, is this a deal breaker?

CHELSEY:

I've been that person for a long time.

CHELSEY:

And I think I generally have a good sense.

CHELSEY:

Of people.

CHELSEY:

And when we're like, you know, just sort of kvetching because, or sorry, complaining

CHELSEY:

And I think I have a pretty general respect for both of those sides.

CHELSEY:

So I can say I'm passionate about reviews and I've written a few in my day.

CHELSEY:

How about you?

TREY:

I think I have written one review in my life on delivery.com and after a horrible experience.

TREY:

And then I got so paranoid that I actually like completely changed my entire username

TREY:

So I'm not a person that frequents Yelp or all of those situations, but I do,

TREY:

So

CHELSEY:

I'm going to find that review that you wrote.

TREY:

Oh, I wonder if it's still there.

TREY:

You know,

CHELSEY:

if there's retribution to be had

TREY:

Oy-yow-yow!, all right.

TREY:

Well, I'm glad that we, um, are here.

TREY:

I'm glad that the listeners are here and I feel like we are more

TREY:

So here we are episode one of Review That Review.

CHELSEY:

I feel like before we hear other people complain, just to like even out the playing

TREY:

if I was making a podcast, I think I would come up with a really cute phrase for that.

TREY:

And it would maybe be the first segment called.

VOICEOVER:

Lodge A Complaint.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

CHELSEY:

I'm so glad you had that cued up.

TREY:

Mmm-Hmm!.

CHELSEY:

You have a complaint to lodge Trey?

TREY:

Yes.

TREY:

I absolutely have a complaint to lodge and I I'm going to be controversial.

CHELSEY:

Oh no.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

But, with a heart of bravery, and I'm going to go after this complaint that needs to be

CHELSEY:

Oh!

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

The Voice, can you, okay.

TREY:

Chelsey, can you name a single winner from The Voice?

CHELSEY:

Oh, no, I've watched some episodes.

CHELSEY:

Probably not to be honest, but my parents are avid Voice Watchers, so they might be able to.

TREY:

Can you name a winner of American Idol.

CHELSEY:

Kelly Clarkson,

TREY:

Okay, there you go.

CHELSEY:

Ruben Studdard.

TREY:

Okay, this is what has occurred to me.

TREY:

I was never in that reality competition watching.

TREY:

Cause I went was in a boarding school.

TREY:

We didn't have cable, but , my husband is obsessed with American Idol and always has been.

TREY:

And so I've seen it and I have seen the evolution of that program, where it was really sort of,

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So then in that platform, we start to create a show called The Voice where it's literally

TREY:

Great idea.

TREY:

But we're on season.

TREY:

I don't know, 2,800 and I.

TREY:

, I don't know, a single person who wins it's the same as like The Bachelor.

TREY:

Like as soon as it ends, then they have one of the, of a different gender Bachelorette.

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

So it's like, I feel like we need to put an end to these entertainment.

TREY:

Reality competition shows that aren't fostering.

TREY:

Like careers for people, but then is that like unfair to expect that this like competition

TREY:

Like don't you have to put, you know, I don't know the music industry is nothing.

TREY:

I know anything about it just really bugs me that this reality show there've

CHELSEY:

They also like.

CHELSEY:

I think have multiple seasons in a year.

CHELSEY:

Like it's not just one.

CHELSEY:

I think we're maybe like over-saturating the market.

CHELSEY:

But I agree.

CHELSEY:

Like, when I think about the voice, I think about like Blake and Adam bickering back

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

I also have a really great friend who, was like up into the live show

TREY:

And it's one of the most transcendent vocalists I know.

TREY:

So it's just, you know, it is at the end of the day, which is a reality show

TREY:

I think that's why it is about the judges.

TREY:

And so to me, it's sort of like obnoxious that it's this whole, ruse that it's about finding

TREY:

So, all right.

TREY:

So they're not trying to find America's next, superstar.

CHELSEY:

I'm sure they get some sort of a record deal and.

CHELSEY:

Similar to idol, who knows?

TREY:

I don't know, but that's my complaint.

TREY:

I'm just, it bothers me.

TREY:

And I think there could be some reflection about why it bothers me, but, maybe

CHELSEY:

I think it's a worthy lodging of a complaint, Trey.

CHELSEY:

I am thinking about this and I'm thinking about how we should be doing more to

CHELSEY:

And I'm glad that you're the one that said something about it

TREY:

Thank you for that beautiful spin.

TREY:

Chelsey, do you have any complaint you want to lodge?

CHELSEY:

I do.

CHELSEY:

I want to make first of all, a general complaint against Murphy's Law and whoever

CHELSEY:

And at the most inopportune time.

CHELSEY:

It's been like getting really hot in LA lately.

CHELSEY:

And it's great.

CHELSEY:

I love it.

CHELSEY:

Except this was the time that my air conditioner decided let's just not work anymore.

CHELSEY:

And so I don't have a working air conditioner when things are really starting

TREY:

What do you think Murphy's last name was?

CHELSEY:

I thought Murphy was the last name.

TREY:

Oh,

CHELSEY:

Newton, like Newton's law.

TREY:

Wow.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So what do you think Murphy's First name was?

CHELSEY:

I think Murphy's fIrst name is probably something like very old and

CHELSEY:

Cause that's taken by Freud.

CHELSEY:

But I think like something that's like, oh wow.

CHELSEY:

Like haven't heard that name in a long time would be my guess.

TREY:

Edwin.

CHELSEY:

Edwin!

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

Edwin with like a middle name, you know, Murphy the fifth,

TREY:

Oh yeah.

TREY:

There's definitely a lineage.

CHELSEY:

but why, why such a pessimist?

CHELSEY:

Why can't it be like everything that can go right.

CHELSEY:

Will go right.

TREY:

You know, I feel like that's very Buddhist of you.

CHELSEY:

Thank you.

CHELSEY:

I mean,

TREY:

"Ommmmmm."

CHELSEY:

Anyway, lodging a complaint against Murphy and like the bad, I dunno, ju-ju that

TREY:

It's a good complaint.

TREY:

I'm going to be really thinking about Edwin Murphy for awhile now.

CHELSEY:

as you should.

CHELSEY:

But flip that shit around.

CHELSEY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

I feel like I've heard enough about us and our complaints.

CHELSEY:

Maybe we should hear some other people's complaints.

CHELSEY:

What do you think?

TREY:

I love that let's do it.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

As your trusty Review Queens, Trey, and I will each bring in a new review from the

TREY:

We will read the review

CHELSEY:

we will break it down.

TREY:

and then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five

CHELSEY:

it's true.

CHELSEY:

It's a very Regal process that we've created with leading scientists and

VOICEOVER:

Assess That Kvetch!

TREY:

But Chelsey, my dear, for those of us who don't speak Yiddish, what does that word mean?

CHELSEY:

Kvetch, it means complaint like, "Ugh, you're kvetching, stop

TREY:

Oh, like what we were just doing.

CHELSEY:

Correct.

TREY:

Oh, great.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Awesome.

CHELSEY:

Alright.

CHELSEY:

Well, which one of us is going first today?

CHELSEY:

I don't...

TREY:

Me!

CHELSEY:

...know.

TREY:

I'm first.

CHELSEY:

Oh, you're first.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Well, take it away.

CHELSEY:

Review Queen.

CHELSEY:

Let's hear it.

TREY:

Alright.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So here we go.

TREY:

This, I found this review a while ago and I've been sitting on it it's a little bit long,

TREY:

So here we go.

TREY:

The very first review on Review That Review.

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

TREY:

all right.

TREY:

So today this review I have found from the website Good Reads, which is, reviewing books

TREY:

I don't know if you are aware of it.

TREY:

this review was written by.

TREY:

Shaniece.

TREY:

She has a very cute photograph.

TREY:

this is a one star for the book, 50 Shades of Grey.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

TREY:

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

TREY:

No, you're serious?

TREY:

This is a New York Times number one best seller?

TREY:

Why?

TREY:

Why are people still claiming how quote unquote good it is.

TREY:

How much they quote unquote loved it.

TREY:

Have you never read a decent piece of literature in your life?

TREY:

Not to say this is literature, but come on.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

I'm abusing italics.

TREY:

I was excited to read this book because I like a little romance and erotica every

TREY:

This wasn't erotic nor was it romantic.

TREY:

When Ana first meets Christian, it's more than obvious that this is a fanfic of Twilight.

TREY:

Ana's clumsy, continuously bites her lip, doesn't understand why a guy, any guy, would be attracted

TREY:

There was a moment in the book where I put it down and laughed.

TREY:

A good hearty laugh.

TREY:

I'm not exactly sure where it was.

TREY:

The whole thing is purely comedic.

TREY:

I wasn't going to continue reading it, but I kind of wanted to know how it ended.

TREY:

So I basically skimmed through, I mainly read their emails, though idiotic, were still cute.

TREY:

The actual writing in this book was poor at best, the repeating of sentences, phrases,

TREY:

I believe she mentioned her subconscious about 80 times parentheses.

TREY:

This is not an exaggeration, but fact, and I wanted nothing more than for her quote

TREY:

And her inner goddess parentheses mentioned about 60 times question mark.

TREY:

Ha!

TREY:

Haha.

TREY:

What a slut.

TREY:

BDSM.

TREY:

I'm not one who is a fan of this.

TREY:

I don't want to be quote unquote controlled and I don't want to quote unquote control someone.

TREY:

So that whole aspect was bad enough in and of itself.

TREY:

And the fact that she was actually scared that if she did something wrong,

TREY:

There's a difference between love and obsession.

TREY:

For anyone who wants to read a romance or even erotica, you can buy a $3 or $4 book

TREY:

Why the fuck would you want to pay anything more than a penny for this book?

TREY:

Seriously.

All caps:

why do people like this?

All caps:

Christian was no where neeeeeeeaaaaar sexy to me, no matter who I tried to picture

All caps:

And now they're making a movie that's completely unfair and how will they even do it?

All caps:

I say Jack Black plays Christian and Busy Phillips plays Ana.

All caps:

Heh.

All caps:

Now that would be interesting, please, italics: please, bold: please, please

All caps:

Just stop!

All caps:

Read books that deserve this attention.

CHELSEY:

Oh, wow.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

That was a little lengthy.

TREY:

I know it was a little lengthy.

CHELSEY:

Shaniece came to play and she had a lot to say,

TREY:

But like that is the review on a website.

TREY:

Like she, like, that's an essay like that.

TREY:

If I was a third grade teacher, minus the F words, that's an essay.

CHELSEY:

Oh!

CHELSEY:

For sure.

CHELSEY:

I mean, I think that it's like could even be collegiate level.

CHELSEY:

I mean, she,

TREY:

They could turn that into a pilot.

CHELSEY:

We could, I mean, she, like, I just heard you reciting that.

CHELSEY:

And I just want to point out that not only did she use italics and bold and things

CHELSEY:

She's like I overuse the italics.

CHELSEY:

I'm aware.

CHELSEY:

It was a choice.

TREY:

It literally was like very small on the website and it's kind of long.

TREY:

So I had to like copy paste it and put it into a word document so that I could see it better.

TREY:

And I like erased all of the font formatting.

TREY:

And then I had to go back and undo that because so much of what she's writing.

TREY:

Is in the way in which she chose to put it on the page.

TREY:

Maybe Shenice is like an English teacher.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I mean, like say what you will about Shenice and we'll get into her personal bias, but

CHELSEY:

There is no mistaking her opinion about this book where I sort of lose

CHELSEY:

the fact that she's, you know, really speaking for all of us when really she

CHELSEY:

Like personally, I think of Shenice.

CHELSEY:

Was talking more about her personal preference and less about the absolutes.

CHELSEY:

Like this doesn't have a right to be made into a movie.

CHELSEY:

This doesn't have a right to take place anywhere within literature.

CHELSEY:

Not to mention within this genre.

CHELSEY:

I feel like Shenice, could have been a Review Queen, but the bias really pushed

TREY:

that's actually a really great point.

TREY:

I didn't read this book.

TREY:

It D it was a cultural phenomenon and it's about BDSM.

TREY:

So it's just interesting to bring up, like, why is this about BDS?

TREY:

Like, if you aren't interested then, like,

TREY:

Pick a

CHELSEY:

different book,

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Like, or just like, you

CHELSEY:

go to Walmart.

TREY:

there's no point in putting that into the review.

TREY:

Like if you're reading it, because it's, everyone's talking about it, that aside,

TREY:

Is a wordsmith.

TREY:

And so there's a lot of, attention to detail and it is like a full arc, , this, this review.

TREY:

And so I imagine that they have a high level of taste when it comes to other people's writing.

TREY:

I kind of feel like, yes, I agree.

TREY:

She's speaking in absolutes rather than personal opinions.

TREY:

but that little shift aside, I, feel warned maybe like spend your time somewhere else, unless , you

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Like, we got to talk about the laughing because the laughing really did have me rolling.

CHELSEY:

Like she started this entire review.

CHELSEY:

How many, like hahahahahaha's were there?

CHELSEY:

Like,

TREY:

Girl, I knew you were going to ask me that.

TREY:

It's um, I can't even count.

CHELSEY:

oh my God, that's a long ha ha ha.

TREY:

it's probably 16.

CHELSEY:

I feel like Shaniece is the type of person that just laughs all the time, say

CHELSEY:

But when you're around, Shenice you're going to be laughing too, because she just brought

CHELSEY:

I sort of found it endearing.

CHELSEY:

Like I.

CHELSEY:

Let's see, like I'm going to stand by.

CHELSEY:

I think Shenice took this one step too far in speaking for everybody.

CHELSEY:

But I think Shenice is the kind of person where like, if we were all hanging out and she was

CHELSEY:

And we would be laughing too.

CHELSEY:

So I do feel like I got some, some character from the repeated laughter.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

I, I find that this, um, point of view, especially on good reads, there's tons and tons, and people

TREY:

and I picked Shenice because I felt like it wasn't just trying to like go

TREY:

So I do, kind of think this was a common experience.

TREY:

I mean, I think everyone knew that it was like based on fan fiction for another

TREY:

Right.

TREY:

I think this is probably a common experience, right?

CHELSEY:

I do, but I wonder like, if this would be a deal breaker, like if I was somebody that was

CHELSEY:

Would anything in this review keep me from buying the book?

CHELSEY:

I don't think so.

CHELSEY:

Especially if I was like onboard for a BDSM moment, you know, she doesn't like that.

CHELSEY:

She's not into that but what do they say?

CHELSEY:

You don't go to, you don't get milk at the hardware store.

CHELSEY:

I mean, like, you know what you're getting when you're going in for 50 Shades of Grey,

TREY:

Agreed.

CHELSEY:

There's no gray area in what you are receiving with this book.

TREY:

Zero gray in 50 Shades of Grey.

CHELSEY:

Zero gray!

TREY:

I mean, I think we've been talking about this the whole time, but I,

TREY:

I think it's a very entertaining

CHELSEY:

Definitely points for entertainment from me,

TREY:

And then, like you were saying the impact, the deal breaker, I don't know.

TREY:

I mean, I don't feel persuaded either way.

CHELSEY:

Right.

TREY:

So that is interesting.

TREY:

Cause I really liked this review.

TREY:

I enjoy it, but I, don't really know that there's any impact, honestly, other

CHELSEY:

I agree, I don't think I'm necessarily gonna take her, advice, run the other way,

TREY:

Right.

CHELSEY:

but I think what she wants us to do.

CHELSEY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

I feel like we have enough information.

TREY:

Yeah, I think we do too, are you ready crown it?

CHELSEY:

Yeah, I'm ready.

CHELSEY:

Let's crown it.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards and in an effort to

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating!

TREY:

You ready to show

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

I mean, can I say it was like really tempted to break a crown in half for this?

TREY:

Oh, we should discuss that.

TREY:

Should we be able to do that?

TREY:

Should we have a half crown card

CHELSEY:

I mean maybe.

TREY:

Maybe in the future.

TREY:

Listeners, if you have an opinion about that share.

VOICEOVER:

Total Score!

CHELSEY:

Unanimous!

TREY:

A Tie, we both have three crowns.

TREY:

Chelsey, you want to, um, explain why you voted for three.

CHELSEY:

Yes, I voted for three, cause I gave Shaniece high points on personality,

CHELSEY:

So that was why I took away two points, but I kind of want to like, go get a

CHELSEY:

How about you?

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Wait, like, Actual like verbatim ditto, because I feel like I want to be friends with Shenice.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

TREY:

um, but Yeah.

TREY:

I mean, I would need to read a couple of more reviews to sort of get a deeper feel.

TREY:

I found this to be incredibly entertaining, um, which is why I was

TREY:

It was a pleasant read and I appreciate her attention to bold and italics and line spacing,

TREY:

Maybe I would break a crown too, if we were doing that, but, um,

CHELSEY:

wow.

CHELSEY:

That was such a good first entry, Trey, way to really have the first review of Review

CHELSEY:

I'm impressed.

CHELSEY:

But I think we do need like a little bit of a pallet cleanse before we

CHELSEY:

What do you think.

TREY:

I love that idea.

TREY:

So let's do a quick little break.

TREY:

And then when we come back, we are going to introduce you all to

CHELSEY:

Love it BRB.

VOICEOVER:

Hold your crown, we'll be right back.

TREY:

Hey, Review Queens, it's Chelsey and Trey here.

TREY:

We're doing this really exciting thing for the launch of our new

TREY:

If you write a review for this podcast.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, it's super exciting.

CHELSEY:

And the best part is you could win a very glamorous Review That

TREY:

It's perfect for a hot date, you know, and you're totally rad pimped out denim vest.

CHELSEY:

pop the bling on!

TREY:

But wait, there's more.

TREY:

We are also throwing into the prize package of very deluxe Review

CHELSEY:

Oh my god, stop it.

CHELSEY:

It's perfect for writing those first drafts of your five star reviews.

TREY:

all right, so here's how you enter.

TREY:

Leave us a five star review on apple podcasts, take a quick screenshot, email

CHELSEY:

And we made it super easy with a super cute link lovethepodcast.com/thereviewqueens.

TREY:

There's also a one-click link in the show description below.

TREY:

It's easy, peasy, beautiful, Review Queens.

CHELSEY:

Yes, I can't wait personally to experience how easy it is.

TREY:

Two birds, one stone.

TREY:

This will also enter you, listener, into the mix for possibly being selected

VOICEOVER:

Royal Reviews!

TREY:

Where we read listener reviews of our show.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

Happy reviewing.

TREY:

Now back to the show,

TREY:

Chelsey it's game time.

TREY:

It's time for you and I to take a quick spin on the Meryl-Go-Round.

VOICEOVER:

"I don't feel like an icon.

VOICEOVER:

Most days I feel like, 'I can't....that's with an A!"

CHELSEY:

Meryl.

CHELSEY:

Love you.

CHELSEY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

Here's the deal.

CHELSEY:

Trey and I are each going to pick a rotten, scathing, pithy one-star zinger.

CHELSEY:

And with 30 seconds on the clock, not a second more.

CHELSEY:

We'll take turns, trying to recite the zinger in as many genres as possible

TREY:

Just like queen Meryl, who does it all.

CHELSEY:

before the clock runs out.

TREY:

All right, Chelsey, you go first for this one.

CHELSEY:

Oh my God, Okay.

CHELSEY:

This one star zinger is from Rate My Professor and it is from a UCLA professor who I will not

CHELSEY:

That's fine.

CHELSEY:

it is by Archeolog.

CHELSEY:

And the review states, I would rather pass a gallstone during a Yanni concert.

TREY:

Alright.

TREY:

That's all right.

CHELSEY:

So,that's what I got to work with.

CHELSEY:

It's a little long, but I got it.

TREY:

I think you're going to do great

CHELSEY:

okay.

VOICEOVER:

3 2 1,

VOICEOVER:

Go!

CHELSEY:

I would rather pass a

CHELSEY:

Yanni concert

TREY:

Disaster!

CHELSEY:

I would rather pass a gallstone during a Yanni concert.

TREY:

Televangelist.

CHELSEY:

I would rather pass a gallstone during a Yanni concert.

CHELSEY:

I would rather pass a gallstone a Yanni concert.

TREY:

Mime!

TREY:

Pop star,

VOICEOVER:

That's all.

TREY:

Chelsey!

CHELSEY:

I am like exhausted.

CHELSEY:

How many was that?

TREY:

six.

CHELSEY:

Wow.

TREY:

Wow.

TREY:

Uh,

CHELSEY:

I can't even believe it.

CHELSEY:

I hope Meryl would be proud.

TREY:

I, oh, of course.

TREY:

I hate going second.

TREY:

Cause you're really good at this game, but

CHELSEY:

No, Trey.

CHELSEY:

You're good.

TREY:

Who cares?

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

My one-star zinger is, um, also from Rate My Professors randomly.

CHELSEY:

Oh.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So this is actually from Brown University for a history professor, for context, this has four

TREY:

All Right.

TREY:

Hmm.

CHELSEY:

Alright.

CHELSEY:

Are you ready?

TREY:

I am ready?

CHELSEY:

Mine would to start

TREY:

He didn't laugh.

TREY:

When I said that his mom was the Capitol

CHELSEY:

musical theater.

TREY:

when I said to his mom, I was like,

CHELSEY:

Disney.

TREY:

Oh,

TREY:

he didn't have, when I said that his mom was capital of Japan,

CHELSEY:

Oh,

VOICEOVER:

That's all.

TREY:

that was like four something.

TREY:

How many did I

CHELSEY:

no, it wasn't.

CHELSEY:

It was 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

Well, that's good.

CHELSEY:

Good job.

TREY:

I'm really proud of you.

TREY:

You, you really are good at this.

TREY:

And so you deserve this round of applause.

TREY:

. Okay

CHELSEY:

Wow, thank you.

CHELSEY:

I'm honored.

CHELSEY:

I never really won anything growing up, so I will take the win for today and

CHELSEY:

I will say, thank you, Trey, and better luck next time.

TREY:

I'm really glad that you're implementing your new year's resolution in July, June.

CHELSEY:

Listen, it's never, she late where we're almost at the halfway mark

CHELSEY:

So that's sort of like, you know, a year.

TREY:

oh my gosh.

TREY:

Yeah, that was uh, the Meryl-Go-Round.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review.

TREY:

All right.

TREY:

So we're back from our game break.

TREY:

And now it is Chelsey's turn!

TREY:

Chelsey Donn, where is your review from this week?

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Um, my review is from Yelp.

CHELSEY:

It is written by David S uh, it is David S's one-star review of the Central Park Zoo.

CHELSEY:

Just for a little bit of context David S.

CHELSEY:

has written 38 other reviews and included nine photos.

CHELSEY:

He did include two photos in his review of the Central Park Zoo.

CHELSEY:

so without further ado, David S.

CHELSEY:

This is a zoo?

CHELSEY:

Good luck seeing any animals.

CHELSEY:

Unless you consider thousands of other tourists, crammed elbow to elbow in this tiny space as

CHELSEY:

Is there no capacity limit?

CHELSEY:

We saw part of a bear's leg, I think, maybe an arm?

CHELSEY:

We saw some beautiful, but dirty swans eating from a grain dish, but they were pretty quickly

CHELSEY:

That was barely entertaining as here's what would happen if you took a beautiful

CHELSEY:

It would get covered in a layer of New York scum and some rats would eat its lunch.

CHELSEY:

I suppose this place is a zoo in the pejorative sense.

CHELSEY:

Wait, is that what it's supposed to be?

CHELSEY:

Is this some kind of a sarcastic art installation?

TREY:

Wow that, that really took a turn there for me at the end.

CHELSEY:

David S has thoughts.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

Well, first of all, great pick.

TREY:

Um,

TREY:

I just have a question.

CHELSEY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Why would you choose the Central Park Zoo when you could go to the Bronx Zoo?

CHELSEY:

I'm with you.

TREY:

I mean, I've been to both zoos and.

TREY:

Okay, here we go.

TREY:

David S.

TREY:

I don't think is very far off.

TREY:

When I went to the Central Park Zoo, I actually don't know.

TREY:

if I did see animals.

TREY:

Like, I've never actually thought about that, but a lot of the, like things were closed,

CHELSEY:

I know.

CHELSEY:

This was written, like it says over two years ago.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

I don't know something.

TREY:

This is like, this is just occurring to me as I'm sharing it, but something about

TREY:

I don't know.

CHELSEY:

Yeah, there are a lot of things that were a turn off about this.

CHELSEY:

Let's just be clear that David S obviously has impeccable grammar.

CHELSEY:

Um, he, he used elipses properly and he also used words like pejorative.

CHELSEY:

So I think maybe David S is like an S.A.T.

CHELSEY:

tutor on the side.

CHELSEY:

Maybe S.A.T.

CHELSEY:

2.

CHELSEY:

in writing.

CHELSEY:

So he definitely has a way with the pen, but that being said, there was a sense of

TREY:

There was a sense.

TREY:

I think I I'm nodding in agreement.

TREY:

Yeah.

TREY:

Do you think that there's like value in this review?

CHELSEY:

I think maybe in the sense of, like you said, it's not the best zoo, go to the Bronx Zoo.

CHELSEY:

If you're going to be in the area, if you want a real zoo experience, this is like a zoo-lite.

CHELSEY:

It's in the middle of Central Park, which has so many things to offer.

CHELSEY:

So it's just like, oh, you're here, pass through sort of thing.

CHELSEY:

It's not.

CHELSEY:

It's not like a full blown zoo.

CHELSEY:

So in that sense, I don't think he's misleading the reader.

CHELSEY:

I think it's right to keep expectations low.

CHELSEY:

If you're going to go to the Central Park Zoo,

TREY:

Yes, but you do, have to pay that admission fee.

TREY:

So it is a zoo.

CHELSEY:

I want say go, I mean, I think it goes to some sort of restoration of the park, or

TREY:

that's yeah, you're probably right about that.

TREY:

David S, has a point to be a little upset about paying to go to a zoo and like maybe seeing

CHELSEY:

But also it's like pizza rat, you know what I mean?

CHELSEY:

Like rats are part of the experience,

TREY:

They're just there.

TREY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

They're just there.

CHELSEY:

If you're going to be in the City, you're going to see rats.

TREY:

I think like this is probably somewhat typical.

TREY:

I hope we don't get hate mail from the Central Park Zoo What's the entertainment value here?

TREY:

I don't know.

CHELSEY:

I dunno, I feel like David was giving me a little bit of Karen

CHELSEY:

I think I was somewhat entertained.

CHELSEY:

I wasn't knocked off my socks.

CHELSEY:

He wasn't giving me laughter or anything like that.

CHELSEY:

You know, like Shenice.

TREY:

I think that's what turned me off about the, um, the turn at the end about

TREY:

Like, it just felt a little like.

TREY:

Heavy handed.

TREY:

I don't know, like he, David, I thought they were being really clever, but I don't know.

CHELSEY:

mean, and also is this some kind of sarcastic art installation?

CHELSEY:

I like unnecessary.

TREY:

Althought, that would be a really interesting, like, performance art,

CHELSEY:

That's it.

CHELSEY:

Yeah,

TREY:

But if we'd never had the Central Park Zoo, we would never

CHELSEY:

that's a good point.

TREY:

What do you think the impact of this review is?

TREY:

If If you were David S's grandmother, would you hang this on the fridge?

CHELSEY:

No, I wouldn't.

CHELSEY:

I would be like chill.

CHELSEY:

You know what I mean?

CHELSEY:

Don't go.

CHELSEY:

Don't don't go David S.

CHELSEY:

Don't go to the Central Park Zoo also, like not judging cause my mom loves the zoo,

CHELSEY:

Like I brought like my niece and nephew and they liked it.

CHELSEY:

Their expectations were very low.

CHELSEY:

We were just at Central Park.

CHELSEY:

Let's do this thing.

CHELSEY:

And David S I don't know that he's the right audience for this Central Park Zoo.

TREY:

That's fair, but I I do think there is value here because it's sort of like, okay, so

CHELSEY:

Love a good bunny sculpture.

CHELSEY:

I can stick my face in.

TREY:

I feel like I'm ready.

TREY:

Like I can crown this.

TREY:

Right?

CHELSEY:

I think I'm ready.

CHELSEY:

Let's crown it.

VOICEOVER:

The Queens are Tabulating!

TREY:

You ready?

CHELSEY:

Ugh.

CHELSEY:

I guess I'm ready.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

Let's do it.

VOICEOVER:

Total score!.

TREY:

A Tie again!

CHELSEY:

We're the same!

CHELSEY:

Two crowns.

CHELSEY:

We both gave two crowns.

CHELSEY:

This was another example, which I kind of wish I could have break your crown in half.

CHELSEY:

I gave two

TREY:

One and a 1.5.

CHELSEY:

I would have gone maybe 2.5, because I think that in terms of literacy.

CHELSEY:

And being able to understand what was written that was clear.

CHELSEY:

Sometimes you read reviews.

CHELSEY:

They're just like, they're the, spelling's all over the place.

CHELSEY:

The grammar is all over the place.

CHELSEY:

I don't understand what you're saying.

CHELSEY:

I feel like it is probably a fair assessment.

CHELSEY:

There's lots of tourists.

CHELSEY:

I'm sure.

CHELSEY:

You know, people walking around the city all day walking around the park.

CHELSEY:

I'm sure they do smell.

CHELSEY:

I'm sure I can expect to probably only see a leg or an arm.

CHELSEY:

Um, the top of a head of an animal in that environment.

CHELSEY:

So I did feel like he was being truthful in his experience, I took a few crowns

CHELSEY:

So that was why I ultimately came to two crowns.

CHELSEY:

How about you?

TREY:

Yeah, I gave it two crowns because I felt like, you know, generally I think there's

TREY:

Like it's probably accurate saying that they're never going to be wearing deodorant.

TREY:

All the hordes of people is sort of like, is that for real?

TREY:

And I wasn't very entertained.

TREY:

And, um, so for that reason, I just, I gave it two.

TREY:

Two crowns.

CHELSEY:

I think that's valid.

TREY:

Yeah.

CHELSEY:

Wow, we did it.

TREY:

Yay!

TREY:

As we reach the end of today's episode.

TREY:

Chelsey, have you got any personal reviews for someone in your life that you think

TREY:

Who are you inducting for?

VOICEOVER:

My Royal Highness!

CHELSEY:

wow.

CHELSEY:

Yes, there's so many people always.

CHELSEY:

Right.

CHELSEY:

but I'm gonna go a little bit unusual with my inductee and I'm going to induct whoever

CHELSEY:

It's an affirmations app and it's just really nice.

CHELSEY:

It's a great part of my day.

CHELSEY:

Whenever I'm feeling down, I just get a little alert on my phone.

CHELSEY:

Like I am worth it.

CHELSEY:

I am.

CHELSEY:

Able to accomplish what I want to, and I have a problem with affirmations.

CHELSEY:

Like I always want to do them, but I feel like it's too much homework.

CHELSEY:

Like, oh, I have to come up with the affirmations.

CHELSEY:

And then I have to remember to say them.

CHELSEY:

And so if you're someone who is interested in doing affirmations, but not quite sure

CHELSEY:

"I Am" because they do all the heavy lifting for you and you get all the

CHELSEY:

So thank you to the inventor.

CHELSEY:

I should figure out who it is of the, "I Am" app.

CHELSEY:

I'm always grateful when there's somebody that uses this platform for good.

CHELSEY:

And thank you.

CHELSEY:

I Am.

TREY:

I love that.

TREY:

Okay.

TREY:

So we all have to download the "I Am" app,

CHELSEY:

Yes, not an ad though.

TREY:

Not an ad!

CHELSEY:

I'm not getting paid for this.

TREY:

We're not sponsored.

TREY:

okay.

TREY:

So my Royal Highness, I went shopping, uh, cause there was a Home Goods and

TREY:

Her name was Carol.

TREY:

And if I had to guess her age, she was pro like, to be honest, she was

TREY:

She was tasked with wiping down all of the shopping carts when you walk in.

TREY:

So she was like the greeter and she was really lovely and sweet.

TREY:

And I came in and she asked me how I was doing.

TREY:

And she called me sugar and she gave me the, her cleanly wiped down cart.

TREY:

And then on my way out, I, um, had too much stuff.

TREY:

So I had to get a larger cart.

TREY:

And so I went up to Carol and she said, "oh, you underestimated!"

TREY:

so then I had to get the other cart and put everything in the car, you know, it was whatever.

TREY:

And, um, so I was like, can I take this out, like to the parking structure?

TREY:

And she was like, you can do whatever you want, sweetie.

TREY:

anyway, my whole point here is in this time of sort of, recognizing

TREY:

Carol really made my day.

TREY:

And I ended up overspending at Home Goods and I bet Carol is responsible.

TREY:

So she should get, you know, a stock in the company Carol, whoever

TREY:

And so for that, you are my Royal Highness inductee for this week.

CHELSEY:

Congratulations, Carol.

CHELSEY:

It seems like well deserved and I hope you do get some stock in Home Goods.

TREY:

She better.

TREY:

She was really working hard.

TREY:

All right.

CHELSEY:

Okay.

CHELSEY:

We did it.

TREY:

We did it, Queen that's episode one in the books.

CHELSEY:

Oh, my goodness.

CHELSEY:

Thank you so much for joining us today.

CHELSEY:

If you like what you heard, tell a friend.

TREY:

If you didn't like what you heard tell an enemy, if you want to Lodge your own Complaint,

TREY:

Leave us a voicemail.

TREY:

We have a voicemail box at 850-REVIEW-zero.

CHELSEY:

Yes.

CHELSEY:

And you can also follow us on all the socials @TheReviewQueens and I'm @ChelseyBD.

TREY:

And I'm @TreyGerrald.

TREY:

That's two R's.

TREY:

You can also watch live clips from our recording sessions on YouTube.

CHELSEY:

And remember, ignore the haters.

CHELSEY:

You're a queen!

TREY:

Gender non-specific Queen.

CHELSEY:

Bye!

TREY:

Bye!

VOICEOVER:

Review That Review is an independent podcast.

VOICEOVER:

Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty.

VOICEOVER:

Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound design

VOICEOVER:

Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe

About the Podcast

Show artwork for Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
A comedy podcast dedicated to reviewing pedestrian online reviews!

About your hosts

Profile picture for Trey Gerrald

Trey Gerrald

Actor | Writer | Human-Person
Review Queen 👑
Profile picture for Chelsey Donn

Chelsey Donn

Actress | Comedian | Writer
Review Queen 👑